To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

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Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

I've not been able to have children, but we started trying when I was 34; I only met my ex-partner when I was 32.... I think 35 or so was the average in my friendship group. Good luck xxx

Just as an anecdote... My Great Gran was 41 when she started having babies in 1915. My Grandad was born, the youngest of 5, when she was 49!! It always makes my mind boggle, as in that era, she must have been utterly unusual. (I had always thought it was because of WW1, then realised the dates...)

It's not too young for her.
A lot of people don't meet their life partner in their 20s, after all.
As long as she is happy, nobody elses business at all. However your friend will need to grow a thick skin as plenty of people are going to have opinions about everything she does as a parent from here on out. She should learn to ignore most of it or she'll never stop stressing out.

To all the people saying "Biologically it's too old" - what does it even mean?
You can get pregnant at 36. You can give birth to a healthy child at 36. Your body can deal fine with pregnancy and childbirth at 36.
So what is "biologically too old"?
I bet people who are saying it don't even know what the hell they mean themselves.

Of course it’s not to old! I would have thought it is the norm these days.

Of course it isn't too old! it is higher than average, but i dont see that as an issue.

I''ve found in my profession as it takes so long to become qualified that people don't normally become parents until they are settled in their jobs, so around 36/37. I was one of the earliest i know of at my (large) company and I was 33, so it is totally dependent on job, salary, location, too many things to just make a simple yes/no on

For me personally, I'd have felt old having my DDs at 36. I never wanted to be having babies past the age of 35 because of the increased risk biologically but also because I had an older parent (38 when they had their first baby) and I felt they were knackered and worked longer than they'd have liked to to support us through university but also they missed out on time with their grandkids.

That's just me though and I was lucky that I met DH in my 20s. If I hadn't met him until my mid 30s then I'd have still wanted to have children, life doesn't work out perfectly for many people so you go with the hand you're dealt.

Having said that, my SIL is 38 and married with their own house, been together with her DH for years and says she wants children but isn't ready yet. Hopefully when she is ready it's still possible for her because privately, I feel she's leaving it late.

Mt umu had me at 36 but I was the youngest of 4. My dad was 40. They seemed ancient when I was in my teens.

I had my 1st at 22, 2nd at almost 25

my mum I mean

@MoonRiverLaLaLa

To all the people saying "Biologically it's too old" - what does it even mean? You can get pregnant at 36. You can give birth to a healthy child at 36. Your body can deal fine with pregnancy and childbirth at 36. So what is "biologically too old"? I bet people who are saying it don't even know what the hell they mean themselves.

I find the people who tend to say this have age related heath issues that started early and make themselves feel better by telling everyone they are age related rather than lifestyle related. The truth is a healthy woman can have a healthy baby at any age up to menopause.

To all the people saying "Biologically it's too old" - what does it even mean? You can get pregnant at 36. You can give birth to a healthy child at 36. Your body can deal fine with pregnancy and childbirth at 36. So what is "biologically too old"?
I bet people who are saying it don't even know what the hell they mean themselves

Of course you can, but the risks do increase after a certain age and that is biological fact. For example this is from literally 2 seconds of Googling. It's well documented.

Obviously if fate deals you a hand where you're not in a position to TTC until your mid 30s or older then you've got to deal with the hand you've been dealt but I wouldn't be postponing it if I were mid 30s and in a position to try for a baby.

I had my first at 20 and my youngest at 37. Was 36 when conceived her. The pregnancy was no different however I did worry more about things going wrong due to my age. My friend had her first at 37yrs. She has always wanted children but took bit longer to find the right man and to fall pregnant, you never know why people have babies at certain ages so shouldn’t really judge. Women are aware of biological factors of having children later but so many different circumstances as to why. I’m 38now and feel I’m too old for another but that’s probably because it’s exhausting having teenagers who want lifts places and one plays football so involves lots of driving and a baby who obviously is needy in her own way.

It's probably a little bit older than average for first baby but I still see it as normal. It was pretty normal for my grandmother's generation to have kids in their 20s & into their 40s. People just have less dc nowadays.

Also, it’s lonely as all my friends are done and dusted with their kids. Their youngest are pretty much in secondary late primary school. So it does feel lonely

Surely that depends on your circle? If I had mine in my 20s I would have missed out on so much as we all had them early 30s.

@hygtt

It's probably a little bit older than average for first baby but I still see it as normal. It was pretty normal for my grandmother's generation to have kids in their 20s & into their 40s. People just have less dc nowadays.

Yes true. My GM on dad’s side was considered abnormal because she didn’t have any children after 24 (she went through a very early menopause, which was probably a blessing considering how abusive my GD was). All her contemporaries continued having babies well into their forties and in some cases even their early fifties.

I don’t really think about when other women have their babies... Children come along when they do (by whatever means). It’s just life. Literally.

Depends. People say women under 26 are too young and over 34 are too old. We can't win! So who cares

For a single baby, no, of course not. For a first baby, depends on how close you're having the others and if your fertility is good. You obviously won't be able to have as many as someone who started in their 20s.

I hardly know anyone in my circle who had a baby younger than that. I'm in London. 36-37 seems very normal for a first baby. Most people haven't bought a flat/house until that age or older.

My gran had my mum at 39 just after the war. Uncle at 41. Their dad was in his 50s. From what I understand a bit unusual but not that remarked upon.

My grandmother was one of 8 and there was a 20 year gap between oldest and youngest (set of twins in the middle after a 5 year gap so my great grandma really squeezed the youngsters in at the end). Clearly finished well in her 40s

My mum and mil completed their families in the 70s by the age of 27 - my mum had 2 and mil 4. My mum was called old by the midwife when she had me.

I had my kids at 35 after 5 years of trying. I was still the first and youngest in my friendship group. Not sure if any geographical impact but my London based sisters in law (I was in London too at the time) were in their late 30s early 40s and my non London,

SW based family and friends were in their 20s or very early 30s. My non London based family had more tertiary education but married and bought houses etc younger. We are the older side of average in comparison to the kids friends parents.

Round my way a not insignificant number of people are grandmothers by their early 40s so yes, 36 would be considered old for a first.

Biologically it is, as others say, life, unexpected happens or illness, you can’t define it in one word.
At 46 tricky, I was full menopause at 45

I personally think it’s too old but that’s my own opinion. I’d be fully supportive of anyone I knew having a baby at that age or older.

No of course it's not too old. I had mine at 36 and 39 (they're now 13 and 11) and I had plenty of energy for them. In my NCT classes I was about average age-wise (there were two a couple of years older too)

I'm 39 with toddler and a pre-schooler, I would have liked them a bit earlier but not much, but you know miscarriages, IVF....most people I know- clleuges and friends started having babies early to mid 30's ish.

The only people my age with teens got pregnant by accident and and none too happy ones at that I seem to remember.

I'm actually considered one of the younger Mum's at eldest's pre school though 😂....most are over 40 by quite a bit so I would say 36 is very normal.

@Dazedandconfused2021

I think it's too old but she's already pregnant so it's just nasty for people to say that to her now.

Why do you think it is too old?

Due to infertility I didn't have DD until I was 41. At 63 I am fitter than most people I know of my age, I still work and am not ready to retire.