To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

[CounsellorTroi]

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

It's not just about the risk of dying when the child is still young or that there are people around to help but more about how the child feels to have a mother who is of pensionable age. I think it's just selfish all ways round

@NashvilleQueen
What you mean having the head of serpentine as a mother, huge familial circle of interesting fascinating characters. Knowing some of the foremost cultural people in the world.
Also having plenty of money to do whatever you want in terms of a career.

I had a much older dad who was one of those types of people, my god it was an amazing childhood filled with experiences and even now he’s gone I can’t believe the things I got to do. And he loved me dearly. Obviously I’m sad he’s not around, but fuck me, he gave me an amazing upbringing.
I wouldn’t swap for the world

@NashvilleQueen
Maybe society will be more used to older mums when the child is old enough to notice? Plenty of women are starting a family later in life.
There have been other threads about having older parents where people have posted about how great their relationship with their older parent was and how happy their childhood was.
Some weren’t happy about it but there are many reasons for people to have a difficult childhood and times are changing fast.

@Limejuiceandrum

There are more children brought up by grandparents or foster carer, thousands. Because they had fucking useless parents

Y’all should worry more about them that a kind loving mother who may leave behind a daughter a bit earlier than average, with a dad btw.

As PP said, those are less than ideal circumstances - they are what you resort to, not what you look to as a first choice.

that a kind loving mother who may leave behind a daughter a bit earlier than average There is no may about it - she definitely will. And it won't be a 'bit longer' but a lot longer with a high probability of becoming infirm and her daughter needing to take on a caring role or to organise care. Those of us objecting disagree with choosing this for your child.

60 isn’t the same as it was years ago.
I remember when my mum was turning 40 and I thought she was ancient. However 60 is now probably the new 40. I highly doubt she’s decrepit.

Regardless how old some one is they could still die before the child is 16.

OTOH though. I certainly wouldn’t want the worry of a teenager in my 80s. I highly doubt she’s thinking that far a head though

@futureghost
What caring responsibilities will an extremely wealthy young person have to take on?
Anyone who’s got money doesn’t have to take on any awful caring responsibilities, and no one would if they could afford to outsource it.

Also I know many many people who have lost their mother young, it’s very common. It’s not a guarantee you’ll live a long life.

Why do people care how many obstacles she might have. Why aren’t you worrying more about the children who have AWFUL lives

Tomorrow is a public holiday in Japan, it’s Respect for the Aged Day.
There are over 86,000 people in Japan who are 100 years old or older. One woman is 117 years old. Life expectancy is still increasing.

^Some of us are lucky enough to have the opportunity to experience every part of life.^
Don't tell me you would turn down the opportunity.
Becoming a first time mother in my 60's? No thanks not for all the money and travel in the world.
I wouldn't call buying a baby at 60 to fulfil a need is having it all.
I'd call it self indulgence.

For women it's around early 80s, but also the stats show that the older you are and the healthier you are at that age, your life expectancy tends to he higher than the average. Unlike you, most of my family lived until their 90s, and were in good health. My family tree shows many in their 90s, although I accept it's all quite unpredictable

I'm quite aware of the stats, I referred to them upthread. And life expectancy stats are not healthy life expectancy. They are just not being dead. And even 'healthy life' for an 80 year is not the same as that for a 50 year old.

It doesn't matter how you cut it, its clear that having a child this late in life, probably 20 years later than natural conception could have occurred, means this child is unlikely to have a healthy, fit mother past her very early adulthood and has a vastly increased chance of losing her mother in childhood. As well has having the decline and death of her mother hang over the whole of her life in a way that nearly all other children do not.

Why aren’t you worrying more about the children who have AWFUL lives
This DC will be a wealthy experiment, I don't think it is far off an awful life.
Money doesn't make everything okay.

Quite bonkers. And selfish. And unethical.

[quote Limejuiceandrum]@futureghost
What caring responsibilities will an extremely wealthy young person have to take on?
Anyone who’s got money doesn’t have to take on any awful caring responsibilities, and no one would if they could afford to outsource it.

Also I know many many people who have lost their mother young, it’s very common. It’s not a guarantee you’ll live a long life.

Why do people care how many obstacles she might have. Why aren’t you worrying more about the children who have AWFUL lives[/quote]
I have a friend with a very wealthy elderly father and she is stressed out of her eyeballs trying to care sorted out for him. Lots of older people are resistant to accepting their decline, or incapable of recognising it if it is cognitive decline, and hence resistant to any attempts at organising formal care, let alone going to a care home. All of this falls on relatives, and presents a huge practical and emotional burden. I can't even imagine what it is like trying to deal with all that in your late teens early 20s. So yes, there is a lot of responsibility even for the wealthy.

I also know people who lost a parent young - thing is - they had another young parent to look after them. And of course, this was an unexpected event. Not something that was planned in as a known certainty when they chose to conceive.

How does any women here think they have the right to call another woman 'selfish' because she can 'only' parent for 20-30 years?

The reality is the child will be lucky to have a mother for 20 years and very lucky to have a mother for 30 years.

This child is loved and wanted which is more than many children can say.

@CounsellorTroi

Agree. It's disgusting and should not be allowed. And I would say that about a MAN becoming a father at that age too. 42-43 should be the upper limit IMO.

@EmeraldShamrock

^Some of us are lucky enough to have the opportunity to experience every part of life.^ Don't tell me you would turn down the opportunity. Becoming a first time mother in my 60's? No thanks not for all the money and travel in the world. I wouldn't call buying a baby at 60 to fulfil a need is having it all. I'd call it self indulgence.

Exactly. Self indulgent and selfish. No thought for the child at all.

There are more children brought up by grandparents or foster carer, thousands. Because they had fucking useless parents.
Why do people believe having money automatically makes a good parent?
There has been 100's of threads from pp's who were brought up wealthy who suffered abusive childhoods.
You'd think that illusion would be clearer now.
The unfortunate fact is those DC are rarely saved or have any intervention.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

60 isn’t the same as it was years ago. I remember when my mum was turning 40 and I thought she was ancient. However 60 is now probably the new 40. I highly doubt she’s decrepit. Regardless how old some one is they could still die before the child is 16.

Yeah I know, my mum died when I was a child. I've spent all my adult life praying to the god I don't believe in that I would live long enough to see them become adults. I managed it. From bitter experience, I know that young people die, but the chances of dying become greater the older we get, and I wouldn't want to leave my child as I was ; an orphan.

Plus this woman is obviously self indulgent if she waited for 60 odd years to make a decision.
Not mother nature.

@EmeraldShamrock
I don’t think that being rich makes you a better parent. I think someone going through all the options thinking deeply about wether this is really something they think they should do. Will probably make you a decent enough parent. Women of any older age really have to think about it hard.

They don’t just knock out endless kids because they can’t take the pill properly.

Or randomly stuff their cock in someone and think little about it.

Meant she is not a mother nature.
Nothing against ivf etc.

I think someone going through all the options thinking deeply about wether this is really something they think they should do. Will probably make you a decent enough parent. Women of any older age really have to think about it hard.

A decent parent wouldn't bring a child into the world knowing the chances of dying or becoming ill are much higher unless the parent thinks money will make it better.

I doubt she'll be playing football at 77 when the child is 10.
Imagine 77 year old DM at her school play or sports day. 😳

They don’t just knock out endless kids because they can’t take the pill properly.

It isn't one or the other there is middle ground.

@snowqu33n

People in their 60s foster. Kids in the care system often stop being looked after in their teens. Surrogate mothers in the USA get paid and use the money for their own children. Rich men use younger women to have their children. A friend in the USA sold her eggs to put herself through a post graduate degree at an Ivy League college and is now married with her own baby, no student debt and has no regrets whatsoever. People who know they are in ill health/difficult circumstances have babies, in many cases at their partner’s behest.

There are a million ethical decisions made every day that we accept or reject depending on where stand personally.

I personally believe that it’s as morally acceptable for women to have a baby in their 60s as it is for men.

So not morally acceptable in either case then.

Or any of the others you’ve mentioned above