To think becoming a first time mother in your 60s is the height of selfishness?

[CounsellorTroi]

www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/julia-peyton-jones

Had a baby alone at 64. She’ll be 80 years old when her daughter is 16. There’s a good chance she’ll be dead by the time the child is 30. She could well die before the child reaches 25. So very selfish.

@Miliao I think Mother Nature has made that quite clear

The right of a child to have a parent until they are 40, 50, 60, 70 years old, overrides the right of an older woman to be a loving parent for 20 - 35 years. I don't see how anyone can make that call

I absolutely think that the rights of the child are always primary to the rights of an adult to parent. Yes.

And that child will not have a fit and healthy mother for 20-35 years. She will be lucky to even have a mother for 20 years. And she will be aware for most of those 20 years of the limited time she has left.
Those of us who have been through the decline of elderly parents, or see our peers going through this, know exactly what a toil it takes emotionally and practically. Its not just about having a living parent - its about having a parent who is able to actually do the parenting whilst you grow up, and whether it is right to choose to have a child when the odds are you are unlikely to be able to do that.

The rights of the child trump the rights of the parent to parent - absolutely.

Yep it's selfish and ridiculous.

There are MANY women of her age child and older minding their grandchildren. I know them! They are looking after toddlers (often more than one) while their daughters (in their 30s) are working
Those children have mothers who will still be their mothers when their grandparents become infirm or die. And part-time childminding is not parenting.

When JPJ is 85, her daughter will be 21
I think what you mean is if JPJ reaches 85. My dad died at 71. My MIL in her late 60s. My mum had early onset dementia. Whether you reach advanced old age, let alone healthy old age, is quite the gamble.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g
I am sorry, maybe I misunderstood your earlier post but you seemed to imply that writing her book was her motivation to have her child?

If she wrote a book and published it she’s obviously going to promote it. Sounds interesting, maybe I will read it.🤔

Bear in mind also that she went abroad (US) to do it, because regulations here meant she couldn't.

Yes, it's selfish, but drug addicts, alcoholics or generally people who just have kids but don't give a shit about them is even more selfish and much more common so I couldn't get worked up about this, it's not likely to become a common occurance.

YANBU Op! It's crazy and just because something can be done, doesn't mean it should. I think this for men too.

I find this a bit offensive and ageist, I was 65 when our daughter was placed with us age 3 years old, for adoption, she is now 16 and I do not think we have failed her. We have been told without us she probably would not have survived. Yes she is hard work but I can assure you we are not doddery old age pensioners .

YANBU. It’s incredibly unfair on the child and very selfish.

The child will be raised by nannies I expect anyway; dreadful.

No, @snowqu33n, you said you thought she was giving interviews to provoke debate about late motherhood. I was saying, no, she's giving interviews to get people to buy her book.

@2old2beamum

I find this a bit offensive and ageist, I was 65 when our daughter was placed with us age 3 years old, for adoption, she is now 16 and I do not think we have failed her. We have been told without us she probably would not have survived. Yes she is hard work but I can assure you we are not doddery old age pensioners .

@2old2beamum, well done! I have enormous admiration for those who can cope with adoption. I'm quite sure I couldn't have done it.

Could I ask if it was a kinship adoption, or outside the UK?

People in their 60s foster.
Kids in the care system often stop being looked after in their teens.
Surrogate mothers in the USA get paid and use the money for their own children.
Rich men use younger women to have their children.
A friend in the USA sold her eggs to put herself through a post graduate degree at an Ivy League college and is now married with her own baby, no student debt and has no regrets whatsoever.
People who know they are in ill health/difficult circumstances have babies, in many cases at their partner’s behest.

There are a million ethical decisions made every day that we accept or reject depending on where stand personally.

I personally believe that it’s as morally acceptable for women to have a baby in their 60s as it is for men.

People in their 60s foster.
Kids in the care system often stop being looked after in their teens.

These aren't examples of ideal upbringings though, are they? They're not things you would aspire to for your own family, given the choice.

Being fostered or in care is very much a last resort, used only where a child cannot be cared for by a parent or relative.

I personally believe that it’s as morally acceptable for women to have a baby in their 60s as it is for men.

So do I. It is wrong in both cases.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand
But it’s okay to be president of the world’s largest economy in your late 70s, right?

Biden was voted for as a package with a much younger VP ready and able to step into his shoes if required. What we don't know about the situation in the OP is the extent to which her partner is a suitable substitute. He might be a healthy fifty year old hands on father with full parental responsibility. Or not.

Biden was also voted in for a period of four years, not eighteen.

The mother is still in her 60s. When she’s Biden or Trump’s age her daughter will have grown. Like Trump’s youngest son that he has been raising while president and running for office.

Completely bonkers!

I know someone who just had their first baby at 47 using donor eggs and I actually thought that was too old. This is a whole new level of too old!

There are more children brought up by grandparents or foster carer, thousands. Because they had fucking useless parents

Y’all should worry more about them that a kind loving mother who may leave behind a daughter a bit earlier than average, with a dad btw.

People are seriously comparing a retirement-age first time mother to a president?! These things have got nothing to do with each other 🙄

I don't see issue, whenever a man in his 60s/70s gets a woman pregnant, there are loads of people congratulating and cheering him on, why should that be any different for women?

A president that had a child at around the same age as this mother so they have that in common.

GaspOdeTheWOnderDOg No it was in the UK, the local authority who contacted us had heard via the grapevine that we adopted children with special and complex needs. Couldn't say no . BTW not a kinship adoption which is probably obvious.

@futureghost I'm sorry to hear of the relatively premature deaths of your relatives.

But although life expectancy is a gamble, there are also life expectancy stats.

For women it's around early 80s, but also the stats show that the older you are and the healthier you are at that age, your life expectancy tends to he higher than the average.

Unlike you, most of my family lived until their 90s, and were in good health. My family tree shows many in their 90s, although I accept it's all quite unpredictable.