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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have to lie to my husband’s whole family that my kid loves this

185 replies

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 07:49

Just after the winter lockdown, March or April ish time, my husband’s brother, his wife and three kids came to see us snd played in the garden. Obviously not seen them all for ages due to lockdown etc. Watching their kids play with my daughter who was 3 at the time was just magical, it was a cold day but they all played in the garden so nicely and absolutely loved being together. When the time came for them to leave my DD burst into hysterical crying and did not want them to go. It was heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time. To stop my DD from being so upset, one of her cousins, 6, gave her favourite soft toy bunny that she’d had since she was a baby. It went everywhere with her so it really was quite incredible that this loving little 6 year old would do this. Bless her. Her parents (my BIL and SIL) were keen to encourage this kind loving act, so we kept it but sort of kept it away from DD in case her little cousin decided at a later point she wanted it back! Well this was one reason. But the other was that it’s stinking and filthy. I mean black with filth. No way was I gonna let DD cuddle it, take it to bed etc. It was grim. Problem is, the whole family still goes on about the loving act (they’re a bit weird - not husband’s brother and wife, they’re lovely, but more my MIL and FIL). And the little cousin does she say misses it. I’d just give the damn thing back but BIL and SIL keen she keeps her promise to my DD. Problem is, my DD won’t even remember getting it as we hid it away due to it being filthy, and now they’re down for a visit (they live two hours away, staying with my MIL and FIL) and little cousin wants to see it. Even arranging a time they can come today for little cousin to pay a visit to the toy bunny. I feel like I’m keeping up a big lie that DD loves this thing cos it was such a big deal that her little cousin gave it to her… do I just keep up this facade forever?! Mean this fairly light hearted, I realise there are bigger problems!

OP posts:
calvados · 20/09/2021 19:59

Daft woman why didn’t you just wash it and give it to her! A Toy bunny is a big deal in a kid’s world. Get off your high horse!

Nixster87 · 20/09/2021 20:03

Leave it in a bag of bicarb of soda to get rid of some smells, wash it with Dettol laundry cleanser and some biological washing powder a few times. Wash scent boosters as well. My three year old has a monkey he takes allover the place it gets as she’d once a week while he’s at daycare

WhoIsPepeSilva · 20/09/2021 20:18

Honestly don't wash it and just return it to the little 6YO.

My cousin had a blanket that she cuddled till it was a scrappy corner, it was filthy. My auntie finally got hold of it and washed it and my cousin was devastated. Yucky for everyone else but it caused a lot of distress when it was cleaned.

It was a really nice thing for her to do but maybe you should frame it as a lend and it's time for bunny to go home because it misses 6YO too. Cut the family out of the equation and just take it round and give it back to the wee girl. Fait accompli Grin

WhoIsPepeSilva · 20/09/2021 20:19

Ah just saw your update! Glad bunny is home and 6YO is happy.

MsDogLady · 20/09/2021 20:19

It’s wonderful that your little Niece and her Bunny have been reunited. The image of her missing her lovey, coming to ‘visit’ it, and then feeling that she must stifle her desire to cuddle it is heartbreaking.

Perhaps you should let her know soon that Bunny doesn’t need to return to your house after its ‘holiday’ so she won’t dread that day.

Why2why · 20/09/2021 20:25

@IWannaGoToTheSpa

Oh my life! Why didn’t I think to wash the thing?!
Yes, I’m curious about that. Why didn’t you? It’s a genuine question.
Fluffmum · 20/09/2021 20:26

Wash the bunny and return it.

pelosi · 20/09/2021 20:36

Yes, I’m curious about that. Why didn’t you? It’s a genuine question.

Probably because OP didn’t want the filthy thing and put it away. I don’t blame her.

MsFogi · 20/09/2021 20:46

Please, please keep it for your niece. She still misses it and ideally you'll be able to give it back to her in a year or two (saying that it was a really kind thing to do but that now she can have it as a keepsake). The attachment to a comforter like that runs deep - I left my blanket at my grandmother's one year when I was about that age and when we went back a year later the first thing I did was retrieved it (it was being used as some sort of dusting rag!) but I still remember that it felt like part of me was missing for that whole year. And I still have the blanket now - whilst I don't use it (and haven't since I was very young) I still like the fact it is in a drawer in my bedroom and if it ever went missing I would feel slightly bereft.

Battlingongraciously · 20/09/2021 20:51

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youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/09/2021 20:54

Ah this was a really sweet outcome, lovely idea to say she could take her back for a holiday.

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 21:05

Wash it. It will mean telling a lie to possibly say you dropped it in the bath you were running for your daughter so thought you'd give it a wash while it was wet, or some other tale, nothing elaborate. When it's clean give it to your daughter so she's familiar with it again before 'the visit'.

LoisLane66 · 20/09/2021 21:07

Glad it's sorted. Sorry, didn't read latest posts. 😁

oakleaffy · 20/09/2021 21:09

That’s a happy result.
Well done, Op

ThePlumVan · 20/09/2021 21:17

After a nice bubble bath and a long chat, I think bunny get to choose.

Bunny chooses to go home.

Shezow · 20/09/2021 21:34

What a beautiful ending! Grin

UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa · 20/09/2021 21:38

I'm surprised no one has suggested washing it yet. Grin That's what I would do!

Toddlerteaplease · 20/09/2021 21:42

Wash it and tell them that bunny really enjoyed her holiday. But wants to go home now.

PurpleTag · 20/09/2021 22:16

Wash Bunny in one of those protective small-bags in case any eyes or whatever fall off and stitch them back on if they do.

Leave it on a windowsill to dry and then sneak it into the toy box with all the others.

Longdistance · 20/09/2021 22:22

Put bunny in a pillowcase and bunny can be the washing machine inspector. Bunny got juice on him and needed a wash. Bunny would like to visit cousin and return as dd is being kind back.

Goldbar · 20/09/2021 22:27

Wow, touching story all round but if I were BIL and SIL I would not have been 'encouraging' my daughter to give away such a beloved toy. They sound completely bonkers to let their DD get into a situation where she is sacrificing one of her comfort objects and to not take you up on the offer to have it back. They need to make sure they're not riding roughshod over all her personal boundaries in the quest to promote kindness to others.

And isn't it common knowledge most soft toys go in the washing machine Grin? My DC's favourite teddy (originally cream but now a mottled cream/orange colour after a disastrous encounter with a bowl of spag bol) has been through many cycles.

appleturnovers · 20/09/2021 22:59

There's a way you can play this that's win-win.

First of all wash it.

Then give it back to your niece saying thank you so much for letting DD look after it, and now DD has decided to give it back because she knows how much you missed it. Make it sound like DD is reciprocating the kind act. That way your niece can accept the gift with her honour in tact if you see what I mean?

VenusTiger · 20/09/2021 23:31

I've never understood the parents who coerce their child into sharing something that is so precious to them.
It's totally different for adults - to us, they're just objects.
I would most definitely wash it, and give it back to your niece yourself and thank her - make it sound as though the bunny was always going to go back home with her and that 'it' had a nice long holiday at yours.

Mamanyt · 21/09/2021 01:05

Wash it and give it to her. I promise, they are going to ask HER where it is, and the lie will catch you out if you don't.

Ericaequites · 21/09/2021 03:08

Wash it on delicate in a bra bag. Send it home with a note about how Bunny enjoyed his holiday, but wants to come home.