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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have to lie to my husband’s whole family that my kid loves this

185 replies

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 07:49

Just after the winter lockdown, March or April ish time, my husband’s brother, his wife and three kids came to see us snd played in the garden. Obviously not seen them all for ages due to lockdown etc. Watching their kids play with my daughter who was 3 at the time was just magical, it was a cold day but they all played in the garden so nicely and absolutely loved being together. When the time came for them to leave my DD burst into hysterical crying and did not want them to go. It was heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time. To stop my DD from being so upset, one of her cousins, 6, gave her favourite soft toy bunny that she’d had since she was a baby. It went everywhere with her so it really was quite incredible that this loving little 6 year old would do this. Bless her. Her parents (my BIL and SIL) were keen to encourage this kind loving act, so we kept it but sort of kept it away from DD in case her little cousin decided at a later point she wanted it back! Well this was one reason. But the other was that it’s stinking and filthy. I mean black with filth. No way was I gonna let DD cuddle it, take it to bed etc. It was grim. Problem is, the whole family still goes on about the loving act (they’re a bit weird - not husband’s brother and wife, they’re lovely, but more my MIL and FIL). And the little cousin does she say misses it. I’d just give the damn thing back but BIL and SIL keen she keeps her promise to my DD. Problem is, my DD won’t even remember getting it as we hid it away due to it being filthy, and now they’re down for a visit (they live two hours away, staying with my MIL and FIL) and little cousin wants to see it. Even arranging a time they can come today for little cousin to pay a visit to the toy bunny. I feel like I’m keeping up a big lie that DD loves this thing cos it was such a big deal that her little cousin gave it to her… do I just keep up this facade forever?! Mean this fairly light hearted, I realise there are bigger problems!

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 19/09/2021 11:59

Please tell me that you washed it first though?

Plumtree391 · 19/09/2021 11:59

She has given it back, still unwashed.

Anyway I expect bunny doesn't mind being dirty and is happy to be back with its 'mum'.

hulahooper2 · 19/09/2021 12:01

Wash it , hand it back and say your dd has a new favourite toy and no longer plays with this , you know how fickle kids are

DoubleTweenQueen · 19/09/2021 12:02

My DD2 has a monkey she’s had from birth which may not be washed. It’s not the end of the world :)

CharityDingle · 19/09/2021 12:02

Ah it's good, she got it back. That's the main thing. It was a lovely thing for the child to do, but it was her special toy, so they really should have just said it could visit again or something, day one.

Ignore any nonsense from in-laws. It's gone back to its rightful home.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2021 12:26

Good for your niece. But ewww still unwashed!

SavoyCabbage · 19/09/2021 12:32

I'm so pleased she's got it back.

Just look out for her a bit in the future and if you can steer her away from becoming one of those people who always puts others first. She sounds lovely and kind but she needs to know that it's OK to look out for yourself too.

Fateofthecookies · 19/09/2021 12:39

Wash it, then get your dd to give it back so the gesture is returned.

Fateofthecookies · 19/09/2021 12:41

Oops Missed the update! So glad the bunny has been returned op.

dottiedodah · 19/09/2021 12:48

Just wash it ,and then leave with DD clean .If they want to see it then just say it got grubby and DD spilt some milk on him .Just say DD liked it and it was a kind gesture

ProfYaffle · 19/09/2021 13:50

Little Bruce Grin

Fairunibutterfly · 19/09/2021 13:57

Glad she’s happy. My 7yr old has a bunny…dirty too so washed every so often. If she gave it away I’d tell her she was kind but if you offered it back straight away I’d take it since she’d be sad without it.

No need to teach a lesson like that…it was very kind of the girl to even offer it and the act of the parents taking it back rather than the child means the child isn’t going back in her promise.

tickingthebox73 · 19/09/2021 14:06

my DS has a toy like this - every so often I have to give it a "gentle bath" 60 degree wash and "let it dry in the sunshine" tumble dry on hot we do this while hes out then pop it on the window sill. so he can "see if he's dry yet" GrinGrin

exaltedwombat · 20/09/2021 18:00

Well, for a start, obviously wash it!

Then come clean to the parents. Work something out between you. (What is this assumption that lies have to be told? It permeates so many of the discussions here.)

RampantIvy · 20/09/2021 18:10

Well, for a start, obviously wash it!

Or read the OP's update Grin

Localocal · 20/09/2021 18:19

I would wash it, and then say your daughter has enjoyed having it but wants her cousin to have it back. (Make sure you guide your daughter into agreeing with this plan beforehand so she backs you up.) Make a thing about how your DN set this nice example of generosity to your daughter and it's a good lesson for both of them that kindness is rewarded.

007Stocko · 20/09/2021 18:32

I think you need to drawer a plan of where the bunny is and where the washing machine is !!!

Pantsomime · 20/09/2021 18:39

Can it not go on an extended sleepover back to cousins for an adventure then try to forget about it coming back

Quietintheranks · 20/09/2021 19:05

I gave away my knitted penguin at a similar age. It was to the first baby of friends of my parents, who we all liked very much. The thing was you it was a new born and odds on that baby never had that old thing any where near. I still miss it. 50 years later.😕 find a way to give it back. The act was lovely but I imagine much regretted.

Blackcat333 · 20/09/2021 19:30

I would wash it, tie a new ribbon around its neck and put it in a nice gift box for your DD to give in a big gesture presentation. They seem to like drama, why not play the game 😂

marcopront · 20/09/2021 19:40

@Pantsomime

Can it not go on an extended sleepover back to cousins for an adventure then try to forget about it coming back
Can you not read the updates?
Battlingongraciously · 20/09/2021 19:47

Wash the bloody thing. It was probably full of covid 19.

The worlds gone mad people even talking about something as ridiculous.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/09/2021 19:53

@SheldontheWonderSchlong

Why didn't you just wash the thing?
I wondered this, too.
pelosi · 20/09/2021 19:55

I hate washing other people's things in my machine. Can deal fine my own family's dirt but that's it. So I think it's good you didn't wash it. Plus, it would have have looked different to little Bruce niece if you had washed it!

Rosscameasdoody · 20/09/2021 19:56

Put it in the washing machine if i’s suitable and if they ask, tell them it was dropped in mud or something.

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