Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have to lie to my husband’s whole family that my kid loves this

185 replies

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 07:49

Just after the winter lockdown, March or April ish time, my husband’s brother, his wife and three kids came to see us snd played in the garden. Obviously not seen them all for ages due to lockdown etc. Watching their kids play with my daughter who was 3 at the time was just magical, it was a cold day but they all played in the garden so nicely and absolutely loved being together. When the time came for them to leave my DD burst into hysterical crying and did not want them to go. It was heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time. To stop my DD from being so upset, one of her cousins, 6, gave her favourite soft toy bunny that she’d had since she was a baby. It went everywhere with her so it really was quite incredible that this loving little 6 year old would do this. Bless her. Her parents (my BIL and SIL) were keen to encourage this kind loving act, so we kept it but sort of kept it away from DD in case her little cousin decided at a later point she wanted it back! Well this was one reason. But the other was that it’s stinking and filthy. I mean black with filth. No way was I gonna let DD cuddle it, take it to bed etc. It was grim. Problem is, the whole family still goes on about the loving act (they’re a bit weird - not husband’s brother and wife, they’re lovely, but more my MIL and FIL). And the little cousin does she say misses it. I’d just give the damn thing back but BIL and SIL keen she keeps her promise to my DD. Problem is, my DD won’t even remember getting it as we hid it away due to it being filthy, and now they’re down for a visit (they live two hours away, staying with my MIL and FIL) and little cousin wants to see it. Even arranging a time they can come today for little cousin to pay a visit to the toy bunny. I feel like I’m keeping up a big lie that DD loves this thing cos it was such a big deal that her little cousin gave it to her… do I just keep up this facade forever?! Mean this fairly light hearted, I realise there are bigger problems!

OP posts:
Radiosilenced · 19/09/2021 10:06

I agree with most pp here. Wash it, say thank you for borrowing it to Dd. Praise her kind gesture and say bunny misses her owner and give it back. Be adamant that both bunny and Dd want it to happen and it would make everyone happy.

Hawkins001 · 19/09/2021 10:12

Usually they wash ok and come out nice and clean

GoWalkabout · 19/09/2021 10:18

I wouldn't wash it because they haven't and some people don't with comforters. I would package it all up in a present before they next come and say dd has something she really wants you to have and then when it is opened 'you gave bunny to x in an act of kindness, and now its time for bunny to come back because he misses cuddling you!' And at the same time give a matching smaller toy to both girls to represent their link. Fwiw I don't think her parents should go overboard on encouraging selflessness, its the route to misery.

EdgeOfTheSky · 19/09/2021 10:19

That poor 6 year old Sad

Not your fault or responsibility but I think it is really cruel of her parents to ‘instil lessons’ around something like that.

Some parents think it a weakness that a child has a special soft toy and want to break the habit.

I wouldn’t want to keep a special toy that a child was missing.

What she will learn from this is not to give anything away.

I would say the bunny had had a lovely holiday and now wants to come home, and give it back. Washed.

GoWalkabout · 19/09/2021 10:19

By the way whatever you do will possibly be wrong but just embrace it and style it out.

EdgeOfTheSky · 19/09/2021 10:20

Actually, not washed.

DumbestBlonde · 19/09/2021 10:21

Even putting something SO dirty "away" is a bit unhygienic don't you think? I would have hated to think it was festering away in a cupboard or drawer..... Did you think it might not withstand a wash (odd stuffing or something.....), even inside a pillowcase or delicates bag?

PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2021 10:21

I think people on here are getting a bit too fixated on the “wash it” theme. it sounds like this is a problem more to do with OP’s extended family being able to Lord it over her by constantly reminding her how generous they’ve been and she should be bloody grateful to them for donating Bunny.

Washed or not.Wink

Megistotherium · 19/09/2021 10:28

Wow, I'm quite shocked about how you have handle the situation in the first place.
6 years old giving her beloved toy to your dd was such a great act of kindness, I would be so happy that dd has such a lovely cousin in her life. I would have kept reminding dd about it and told her how precious the bunny was and to take good care of it. And it's very easy to wash the soft toy rather than hiding it away.

rainbowstardrops · 19/09/2021 10:42

I hope smelly teddy goes back home with his rightful owner today! All nice and clean and washed Wink

Potpourri23 · 19/09/2021 10:48

Let us know how it goes OP!

CoffeeWithCheese · 19/09/2021 10:53

If you wanted to really make a fuss of it - I'd try to get as close a match as you can and tell the 6 year old that now her cousin has a Bunny friend and so Manky Bunny can come home with 6 year old and no one feels left out as it was such a kind thing to do.

TSSDNCOP · 19/09/2021 10:59

It had a terrible accident involving a deep, muddy puddle didn't it? The only solution was the washing machine.

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 11:02

Update: they just popped over. You should have seen the look on my little Bruce’s face when I suggested it go back to her house on a little holiday! Bless her. She came in and cuddled it for a second and put it down sadly as though she knew she shouldn’t be wanting to cuddle it. So I told her she could take it back to her house on a little holiday to look after it again. She was so overjoyed, grabbed the grubby little thing and never let go of it. I’ll deal with any fall out from the MIL. So happy and thankful for your advice everyone. Hoping bunny will just stay there snd if offered back we’ll not allow it this time.

OP posts:
IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 11:03

Oh for an edit button!!!
“Bruce” was meant to say “my niece”
🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Karmagoat · 19/09/2021 11:04

Wash it, give it back, simple.

SudokuWillNotSaveYou · 19/09/2021 11:10

Well now you’ve given it to Bruce, your niece will never get it back. Grin

But yes, was going to say, don’t let DBunny be a victim of your IL’s batshittery.

SudokuWillNotSaveYou · 19/09/2021 11:14

Also, I do think 2/1 this was an attempt by BIL and SIL to break niece of the habit of carrying the bunny everywhere. But forcing her to give it up forever at 6 years old by saying she should understand “a promise is a promise” must be the absolute most ridiculous and shite way to do it… and good for you for not playing a part in it.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 19/09/2021 11:16

We did try to give it back but parents were insistent she learnt not just to say these things then not do it.

I agree, they should never have let her, too young to understand the consequences of her very kind actions.

I'm sooo glad you've given it back. Isn't part of parenting protecting your children when the do/say stupid stuff that they don't understand!? How awful for a six year old's parents to prioritise their child "learning a lesson" over preventing (completely pointless) emotional distress.

DoubleTweenQueen · 19/09/2021 11:35

I would just give it back. Explain that your DD is also generous and caring, and bunny needs to be back home after it’s lovely holiday.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 19/09/2021 11:35

She was so overjoyed, grabbed the grubby little thing and never let go of it.

Does that mean you still haven’t washed it?? Oh my! 🤮

DoubleTweenQueen · 19/09/2021 11:37

@IWannaGoToTheSpa Glad you’ve managed to give it back to its loving owner. Her parents are a bit too much. It was enough that the little girl agreed to lend it to her little cousin, but giving it up forever is just cruel.

futureghost · 19/09/2021 11:48

I'm so glad you gave the bunny back! I can't believe the parents were so cruel as to not want her to get it back!

Secretroses · 19/09/2021 11:53

I would encourage your DD to do a similar act of kindness and to give the bunny back to cousin. Maybe MIL and FIL will start taking about this act of kindness instead!!

Secretroses · 19/09/2021 11:54

Sorry, missed the update but glad bunny is home with its owner!!