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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have to lie to my husband’s whole family that my kid loves this

185 replies

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 07:49

Just after the winter lockdown, March or April ish time, my husband’s brother, his wife and three kids came to see us snd played in the garden. Obviously not seen them all for ages due to lockdown etc. Watching their kids play with my daughter who was 3 at the time was just magical, it was a cold day but they all played in the garden so nicely and absolutely loved being together. When the time came for them to leave my DD burst into hysterical crying and did not want them to go. It was heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time. To stop my DD from being so upset, one of her cousins, 6, gave her favourite soft toy bunny that she’d had since she was a baby. It went everywhere with her so it really was quite incredible that this loving little 6 year old would do this. Bless her. Her parents (my BIL and SIL) were keen to encourage this kind loving act, so we kept it but sort of kept it away from DD in case her little cousin decided at a later point she wanted it back! Well this was one reason. But the other was that it’s stinking and filthy. I mean black with filth. No way was I gonna let DD cuddle it, take it to bed etc. It was grim. Problem is, the whole family still goes on about the loving act (they’re a bit weird - not husband’s brother and wife, they’re lovely, but more my MIL and FIL). And the little cousin does she say misses it. I’d just give the damn thing back but BIL and SIL keen she keeps her promise to my DD. Problem is, my DD won’t even remember getting it as we hid it away due to it being filthy, and now they’re down for a visit (they live two hours away, staying with my MIL and FIL) and little cousin wants to see it. Even arranging a time they can come today for little cousin to pay a visit to the toy bunny. I feel like I’m keeping up a big lie that DD loves this thing cos it was such a big deal that her little cousin gave it to her… do I just keep up this facade forever?! Mean this fairly light hearted, I realise there are bigger problems!

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 19/09/2021 08:42

I think parents have decided that cousin is too big for cuddly toys and made a big thing about giving it to your daughter. Now they have this romantic fantasy about this gesture going on. Just give it back, but beware, your dd may not give a toss about it, as soon as it goes back to cousin it will become the holy grail.

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 19/09/2021 08:43

I think it’s a lovely gesture. Once it’s clean your daughter will adore it. You don’t have to take it out in public.

billy1966 · 19/09/2021 08:45

Boil it and say she quickly forgot about it so you put it away for her.

Stress that while yes it was very kind to do, it is also important to be kind to ourselves.

Your inlaws are thick as shit to have done that to a child.

You need to be the adult in this situation.

Get it boiled and smelling gorgeous and brook NO argument.

The toy is returned and if necessary tell them in a similar situation you wouldn't have allowed it as its TOO generous.

Poor little mite being allowed to give her favourite toy away.🙄

It is very normal to do a teddy wash on a warm day.

It's a funny sight to see them all lined up hanging from the clothes line.

ohthatbloodycat · 19/09/2021 08:47

Post it back to its original owner, with a note from the bunny saying 'thank you for lending me to your little cousin. You did a very kind thing. But I've missed you and I'm ready to be back home with you'.

There's no need for the situation to become a song and dance. Just take control Smile

LittleOwl153 · 19/09/2021 08:49

I'd wash it, get it a new bow or something and let you daughter give it to the cousin as a present...

Glssr195726113493 · 19/09/2021 08:49

Just wash it and put it in a shelf in your kid’s room. Confused

orangejuicer · 19/09/2021 08:50

That poor child. Why haven't you washed it and given it back already? She's had months without her favourite bunny!

Boombadoom · 19/09/2021 08:56

I would wash it and return it saying that she hasn’t played with it for a while so thank you for the generosity at the time, so sweet, but really you insist it is returned. I’m quite sure 6yo would be beyond thrilled and absolutely refuse to have it back.

Oh, do this as you’re leaving.

E.g ‘forget’ it in the car until you’re just getting in to leave and run back in with engine running and everyone strapped in, hang it to 6yo, tell the lie to the parents then leg it to the car and go!

FortunesFave · 19/09/2021 08:56

I would pack it a little suitcase and send it home!

TheWoleb · 19/09/2021 08:56

I cant believe you didnt wash it. A dirty soft toy and your solution was to hide it? Wash the thing!
This is almost as bad as the poster who sent her husband out to the 24hour Asda to buy a kettle when there's broke in the middle of the night and they couldn't make a bottle for the baby. She sat there with a crying hungry baby while he went to buy a kettle at something like 3am, instead of just putting water in a pot and boiling It on the stove. Apparently, neither her nor her husband had realised they could boil water on the stove so kept the baby crying and hungry until he returned with a new kettle.

I do wonder how some people manage with a thought process like this.

CliffordMystery · 19/09/2021 08:57

I agree with PP that said the parents probably wanted her to give up the bunny. It’s not usual to go around everywhere with a cuddly toy when you are 6 and maybe they used the thing with your DD to break the habit.

Boombadoom · 19/09/2021 08:58

And you should absolutely refuse to have it back *

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 09:00

Thanks all!

I know I’m a total dimwit for not thinking to wash it! In my defence I’d just had a baby two weeks before so maybe was a bit sleep deprived 🤣 but no excuse for now!

We did try to give it back but parents were insistent she learnt not just to say these things then not do it.

I agree, they should never have let her, too young to understand the consequences of her very kind actions.

I’m taking the advice and going to send it on a holiday back with her for a while! That’s genius! Then tell the parents that the toy can stay as mu DD not that into it and feels mean to deprive their DD who it on is oily means a lot too.

I actually lolled at the “parents are as thick as shit comment” 🤣🤣

You’re all right, I’d have been devastated as a 6 year old to have to give away my favourite comforter toy if I’d given it away in a moment of kindness to a younger cousin! Poor child! I’m giving it back today.

Thanks all.

I feel like I should have had more common sense here but my husband’s whole family are so tricky, very hard to know if I’m ever doing the right thing and my MIL and FIL who have to get involved with everything would constantly remind me if I put a step wrong. They’re awful people. But that’s another story, it might be why I couldn’t work out what to do here. Thanks a million everyone!

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 19/09/2021 09:00

DS2's bear gets washed once a week. Confused

MatildaIThink · 19/09/2021 09:01

Wash it and give it back. Tell the kid thank you and it helped and now it (the toy) has help your DD it can come back to the cousin.

Dancingonmoonlight · 19/09/2021 09:02

Its bizarre the child's parents didn't ask for it back or you haven't given it back already.

My older DC has a favourite bunny that she sleeps with every night. I don't think she'd be able to sleep without it. I've washed and restuffed it many times. I'm baffled why they allowed it or you haven't returned it.

I'd definitely return it now and a PP suggested putting a little bow on it and saying it had had a lovey holiday but really wanted to go home. I'd also have your child give her cousin another little gift to repay her kindness.

MintyGreenDream · 19/09/2021 09:04

Wash it woman!

Changechangychange · 19/09/2021 09:04

Wash it in a pillow case, on a delicates wash with an extra rinse (low spin speed so it doesn’t get too bashed up). Gentle tumble dry, or hang it on the line. Should be fine.

SinoohXaenaHide · 19/09/2021 09:08

I suspect the filthiness is why the parents were so keen not to have the bunny back. If you wash it then give it back you have resolved their awful dilemma that their child was insisting on cuddling this disgusting unhygienic thing.

Onairjunkie · 19/09/2021 09:09

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

DS2's bear gets washed once a week. Confused
Do you also regularly wash your handbag, purse and jute shopping bags?! 😂
TheGirlWhoLived · 19/09/2021 09:10

If they are tricky in-laws then maybe put the ball back in their court. “Dd knows that cousin did such a wonderful thing, and wants her to know she appreciates it by giving the toy back, as she knows how much it meant to her. ISNT THAT SUCH A NICE THING FOR DD TO SAY AND YOU NEED TO TAKE IT BECAUSE IT WILL BE A VALUABLE LESSON FOR HER”
Pass the bunny on

orangejuicer · 19/09/2021 09:11

Nice to see your update OP.

RahRahRa · 19/09/2021 09:20

For goodness sake give the bunny back!

Nellodee · 19/09/2021 09:21

If you wash it, you may well cause more issues. My own daughter has a grubby kitten ted and I have offered to spot clean just a tiny patch, and the thought of her favourite ted being different in any way sends her into horror.

Just have your daughter give it back as is. The muck is their problem, not yours.

Branleuse · 19/09/2021 09:22

it was a really sweet thing for that child to do. Really empathetic and kind. Its actually good that your child didnt get attached to it so you can wash it and give it back, and a little white lie is no big deal.
Its fine to say it helped so much at the time but noone will ever love Bunny like its true owner so its time for Bunny to go back now, but you as a mummy will never forget such a lovely kindness