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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have to lie to my husband’s whole family that my kid loves this

185 replies

IWannaGoToTheSpa · 19/09/2021 07:49

Just after the winter lockdown, March or April ish time, my husband’s brother, his wife and three kids came to see us snd played in the garden. Obviously not seen them all for ages due to lockdown etc. Watching their kids play with my daughter who was 3 at the time was just magical, it was a cold day but they all played in the garden so nicely and absolutely loved being together. When the time came for them to leave my DD burst into hysterical crying and did not want them to go. It was heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time. To stop my DD from being so upset, one of her cousins, 6, gave her favourite soft toy bunny that she’d had since she was a baby. It went everywhere with her so it really was quite incredible that this loving little 6 year old would do this. Bless her. Her parents (my BIL and SIL) were keen to encourage this kind loving act, so we kept it but sort of kept it away from DD in case her little cousin decided at a later point she wanted it back! Well this was one reason. But the other was that it’s stinking and filthy. I mean black with filth. No way was I gonna let DD cuddle it, take it to bed etc. It was grim. Problem is, the whole family still goes on about the loving act (they’re a bit weird - not husband’s brother and wife, they’re lovely, but more my MIL and FIL). And the little cousin does she say misses it. I’d just give the damn thing back but BIL and SIL keen she keeps her promise to my DD. Problem is, my DD won’t even remember getting it as we hid it away due to it being filthy, and now they’re down for a visit (they live two hours away, staying with my MIL and FIL) and little cousin wants to see it. Even arranging a time they can come today for little cousin to pay a visit to the toy bunny. I feel like I’m keeping up a big lie that DD loves this thing cos it was such a big deal that her little cousin gave it to her… do I just keep up this facade forever?! Mean this fairly light hearted, I realise there are bigger problems!

OP posts:
Branleuse · 19/09/2021 09:24

I would not have given my favourite toy away at that age. Its quite surprising that the other child did

Bluesheep8 · 19/09/2021 09:24

Boil it and say she quickly forgot about it so you put it away for her.

Bunny Boiler 🤣

Doubledoorsontogarden · 19/09/2021 09:25

Stick bunny in the washing machine then give it to your DD.

ItWearsTheBatteriesOut · 19/09/2021 09:30

@CliffordMystery

I agree with PP that said the parents probably wanted her to give up the bunny. It’s not usual to go around everywhere with a cuddly toy when you are 6 and maybe they used the thing with your DD to break the habit.
Well then the parents are dicks of A grade variety. She is 6, and has been forced to give up something she loves.
billy1966 · 19/09/2021 09:31

@LittleOwl153

I'd wash it, get it a new bow or something and let you daughter give it to the cousin as a present...
Love this.
ItWearsTheBatteriesOut · 19/09/2021 09:32

@Branleuse

I would not have given my favourite toy away at that age. Its quite surprising that the other child did
I wouldn't have allowed it, a pp said as parents it is also important to teach our children, especially girls, to be kind to themselves and not always put others first.
itsgettingwierd · 19/09/2021 09:35

@IWannaGoToTheSpa

Oh my life! Why didn’t I think to wash the thing?!
🤣🤣🤣🤣

The most obvious solutions aren't always the most obvious!

BlackberryMuncher · 19/09/2021 09:37

Definitely give it to her cousin, not her parents, just explain that DD was very little & she loved it on the day & it made her SO happy to have it, but toddlers soon moved on to something else & as it's so special to her, she should have it back, but that doesn't always happen so you need to remember that when giving things to people. It's incredibly kind, but it's usually forever. Then you've done the right thing by both the cousin & the parents.

Whether you give it back or not, everyone can be proud of the selfless thing she did before. It's not like she asked DD for it back 2 minutes later!!

TheWoleb · 19/09/2021 09:39

@Onairjunkie

Well, thate a very odd reply.

I dont know about you, but I certainly don't sleep with my handbag and purse. I don't cuddle up to them, sweat on them, drool on them, bury my face in them. Sometimes chew on an ear. Which is what kids do with their cuddly toy.
Cuddly toys need washed.

Most handbags and purses are water proof/resistant and are wipe clean.

I use not fabric shopping bags. They get washed.

Really really odd of you to compare a handbag with a cuddly toy.

SpringRainbow · 19/09/2021 09:39

Be warned, if it’s washed then the cousin may reject it.

My mum was thrilled when my sister finally went to nursery for a couple of mornings as she could finally wash my sisters prized teddy bear. She rejected the newly washed teddy bear and cried for weeks over her missing ‘ted ted’.

This is part of the reason I made sure to wash beloved toys and blankets regularly. That and it’s surprising how grubby they get.

Suzi888 · 19/09/2021 09:40

Scrolled through 4 pages, hoping you washed it 🤣lol
Glad you did!

FionasFanjoFondu · 19/09/2021 09:40

There is actually nothing more satisfying than putting a grimey, grey soft toy in the washing machine and seeing it come out clean and shiney. So many times i have had an 'Oh! It's lilac!' moment!

snanagram · 19/09/2021 09:41

The most obvious solutions aren't always the most obvious!

Yet sometimes they are Confused

custardbear · 19/09/2021 09:41

@DoucheCanoe

I'd wash it then give it back.

Tell them that DD has enjoyed having bunny to stay for a while when they couldn't see each other but now it's time for bunny to go home.

Just tell them that she doesn't really look at or play with it so it's only fair that their child who actually wants it has it back but you appreciated the gesture.

It's really not a big deal.

^^ I'd also do this
Onairjunkie · 19/09/2021 09:41

[quote TheWoleb]@Onairjunkie

Well, thate a very odd reply.

I dont know about you, but I certainly don't sleep with my handbag and purse. I don't cuddle up to them, sweat on them, drool on them, bury my face in them. Sometimes chew on an ear. Which is what kids do with their cuddly toy.
Cuddly toys need washed.

Most handbags and purses are water proof/resistant and are wipe clean.

I use not fabric shopping bags. They get washed.

Really really odd of you to compare a handbag with a cuddly toy.[/quote]
Not really, I was making reference to a notable recent thread whereby posters were falling over themselves to say how they washed their handbags, purses and jute shopping bags once a week at least, and heavily judged those who didn’t and had ‘filthy’ belongings. I guess you had to be there.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2021 09:42

The parents are incredibly cruel to have done this. I would also wash bunny and give her a new bow and say bunny really wants to go home. She’s had a bath as your dd was sick on her and she was all smelly. Give her a bit of a new lease on life if necessary with a bit of new stuffing and new ribbon (as per previous suggestions). Now she’s ready to snuggle back in bed with your dn.

billy1966 · 19/09/2021 09:42

The washing in the pillowcase is a good idea too.

HalzTangz · 19/09/2021 09:46

Why don't you wash it and ask your dad to give it back, you can tell DD that you looked the bunny buy the bunny wants to go home

Bluesheep8 · 19/09/2021 09:50

Cuddly toys need washed.

Need washed? Eh?

inappropriateraspberry · 19/09/2021 09:52

Say thank you so much for being so kind, DD found it very helpful but wants you to have it back. Bunny misses you lots. Etc..
Your DD has had it for a bit and now you can give it back.
I wouldn't wash it, just make sure they take it home with them!

ProfYaffle · 19/09/2021 09:53

I'd make a thing about bunny's holiday, buy it a new outfit or a little suitcase or souvenir of the holiday to take back. Or send a postcard to the cousin saying it wants to come home or something.

Waterfallgirl · 19/09/2021 09:55

@AChickenCalledDaal

Let her see it. And let her have it back, just as it is. Tell the little girl that bunny would love to come home now. Tell the parents that little cousin was indeed very lovely and generous but life has moved on and DD won't miss it. And be firm.

I gave away a cuddly toy when I was little and still remember how much I regretted it. Parents may be getting excessively fixated on how generous little cousin was and not taking her feelings into account.

This. And, I wouldn’t wash it, even if it’s in a mess as the child wants it back and that’s how they will remember it. Plus it might fall apart in the washing machine! I’d engineer it so child gets the toy back - thank you so much for lending the toy But he wants to come home to you now.
I also don’t think that parents should encourage the giving of a child’s precious toy to another child, it’s really cruel, poor kid.
RowanAspenOak · 19/09/2021 09:57

@burritofan

Wash it and reciprocate the loving act with great insistence that it goes back to its first owner.
This
Tal45 · 19/09/2021 10:01

Personally I wouldn't say that your daughter isn't that into it, after they made such a thing of it I think they'd probably be really upset by that. After the 'holiday' I would just say your dd has probably forgotten about it in that time and that their dd should keep it as you'd hate for her to be upset.

Plumtree391 · 19/09/2021 10:03

Don't give it back unless the child wants it back, it was such a kind thing to do.

Wash it today.

It's beyond me why you didn't wash it straight away. Toys that small kids cart around forever are always dirty, you must know that.

Give it a wash now!