Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

[Cosmos123]

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

Nuts.

Don't be a guarantor for them

Don't be guarantor.
I have always rented and on low income, nobody to be my gaurentor. Every landlord I've encountered accepts 6 months rent up front instead. They have a huge amount of savings, they're going to have to be responsible with it

it is only their money because you have by the sound of things been supporting them for 10 + years
a disappointing point of view to Blow all their savings on one day, totally reckless.
please try and talk some sense into them!

Hahaha! Like hell I would be their guarantor!

I'd love to go to the wedding though, I've never been to a wedding that cost that much. It sounds like no expense will
be spared. What fun! totally misses point

The ship has sailed but I might have shared my opinion that the flashier the wedding, the more likely one of the couple will have an affair (if they're not already having one) and the relationship will end, usually in months.

I've noticed that trend as well.

Sadly we opted for a rather frugal, but hugely enjoyable, wedding and I'm still stuck with him years later. Perhaps we should have spent more instead of buying a house...

@Orangejuicemarathoner

Absolutely do not be their guarantor.

This. They’re clearly fucking morons who are useless with money, I wouldn’t touch that contract with a 50 foot pole

I probably wouldn't act as guarantor, but culturally this may be the 'done' thing.
My work colleague's children both had lavish weddings - they are Turkish. and both children received in excess of £100k on the day of their weddings through money gifted to them - enough for a big deposit on a house for one of them and the other used it to start a business.

What amazing wedding extras does £43000 get you? I know you can't tell us OP, but I'm intrigued. I'm imagining a Cinderella coach and six plumed horses.

@MargosKaftan dh and I both come from communities (Jewish/Chinese) where the big wedding is a must so we had to to do the registry office ceremony and wait until we bought the flat before doing the big wedding.

Family members tend to give bigger gifts to defray the costs cos we know how expensive it is. In my country,, there is a calculator that advertises the cost of a seat in every banquet hall and helps you figure out how much to gift. Basically if you are a friend, you need to cover the cost of your presence and if you are a close family member, you have to cover that and some more..in Israel for my SIL wedding, they had a complicated calculator which seemed to involve factors like annual income and degree of closeness to the couple.

Haha how ridiculous! 43k on a wedding with no honeymoon and nowhere to live!!

I would never be a guarantor for such silly people as they will only get you in to debt

Don’t be guarantor. They really are fuckwitted to spend £43k on a wedding
However, it’s done now. The reality is no wedding guest is ever happy, no wedding is that great it requires that gargantuan budget. Guests won’t really remember or be that wowed,not £43k wowed
That’s money that is wasted on a one day event and honeymoon. Gone won’t be recovered. Money that could have been spent on extended mat leave, a masters, a kitchen,travel,nursery fees,school fees, appliances. Anyhoo no point listing the what ifs the beckhams have spent it on a gaudy wedding.

Their money, their choice

But I also wouldn’t act as guarantor

@darklindor - I went to a few weddings that cost about that a decade ago when everyone in my circle was getting married. One was a lavish affair, stately home hired, groom arriving in a hired sports car, bride in £5k dress, choir to entertain us when waiting, live band in evening, different wine for each course at dinner etc. The others weren't posh, but Asian families that meant the guest list was over 300 people. (Majority of those being family invites, few friends there). It costs a lot to hire space big enough for that many people and to feed that many people, even if you do it relatively simply.

@darklindor

What amazing wedding extras does £43000 get you? I know you can't tell us OP, but I'm intrigued. I'm imagining a Cinderella coach and six plumed horses.

Bet you the guests will be moaning that they waited around for hours with no food and drink because the money has be spent on the venue which is some ridiculous expensive golfing resort/country house, the dress, 20 bridesmaids and 15 groomsmen and other really crap stuff!

I have been to some really sumptuous weddings that cost that, difference being the B&G were prosperous and their respective families paid. Plus the B&G got a lot of cash, certainly more than the cost of the wedding

A student and out of work nursery nurse shouldn’t be spending that on a wedding

They sound like irresponsible people so I definitely wouldn't be their guarantor. It's a huge thing to ask especially of non family .

What they do with their money is their business.

However in asking you to be their guarantor they make it your business as you are liable for poor financial decision making by them.

If they are spending £43k on a wedding when they can't afford to buy then thats a poor financial decision.

And I would tell them as much and refuse to be a guarantor.

@LizziesTwin

Just say you are unable to act as guarantor due to other commitments.

be honest - tell them you are not be prepared to act as guarantor because if they can even contemplate blowing £40k+ on a wedding, you are not confident in their ability to manage money.

They are bonkers!

Firstly, so do agree to be guarantor.
Secondly, to me, yes that does seem an unwise use of their money.
Thirdly, it is ultimately their money so their decision.

@JinglingHellsBells

So as the Mum to one of them, *@Cosmos123*, you have let them go as far as this wedding (in 6 weeks) without saying much at all?

And they have only realised so late in the day that they can't afford anywhere to live except on a very limited budget.

For adults of 29 and 30, that shows immaturity but also you as a parent have actually colluded with it because you must have allowed them to live rent-free for over 10 years.

In all of that time, did it never come up in conversation where they would live when they married and how they would pay for it?

Not a mom or Dad. But related.

Madness to spend all that on a wedding with no secure home. No way I would be a guarantor.

So definitely not colluded.

The larger the wedding to income ratio, the less likely the marriage is to last.... don't be their guarantor OP unless you too want to throw your money down the drain.

Oh you must be weeping. They will never have money they will just piss it away.