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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have offered to turn up 3 hours early?

178 replies

Friendissues46 · 18/09/2021 16:59

I have a friend, who I see semi regularly, every couple of months and we do stuff together. All good.

We both live alone and have partners, but make time together. Friend is a big drinker but I’m recently tee total after many years of drinking socially so we are now having to start doing other things socially than drinking.

I asked friend if she wanted to go see a comedy night tonight which doors open at 9pm, three weeks ago. She said yes, all good and booked- she booked the tickets and I paid her for mine. I asked her if she wanted to go for a meal beforehand, and she said no. That’s fine. She said I could go around hers beforehand for a cuppa and a chat and I said that sounds good.

So today is the day, and I spoke to my friend and said I was thinking of coming to hers for 6pm. This is 3 hours before the show starts, it’s a 9pm entry so would give us 3 hours to chat spend time together etc plus the show. It’s a 1 hour drive to hers so I’d leave mine at 5.

The reason I didn’t go earlier is I had a family birthday lunch which finished at half 3. She knew this and I didn’t think it messed with our plans.

Well, she’s furious- said that I’m going to be late for the show? It starts at 9, I’m getting to hers at 6. She then said it hardly gives us enough time to spend together and I should’ve come earlier say lunchtime or asked to stay over. I said I couldn’t stay over as I had work the next day.

Well, she’s now said that she’s going to offer my ticket to her mum because I clearly have too much on my plate and 3 hours before the show to hang out just isn’t good enough.

I’m truly confused, I’ve just agreed as despite my insistence to go, she’s replying as “oh you’re so busy” “it’s too much for you” and I got a sense it would no longer be enjoyable.

I don’t think I’ll get my money back and I’m not sure what to even suggest or say now- it’s so bizarre this has happened an hour before I was supposed to leave.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 19/09/2021 20:46

Your friend is bonkers and a CF to boot. If you’ve paid for your ticket, she can’t just give it to someone else because she’s having a strop !! Some good suggestions here - personally I’d go with telling her you’ll call in for your ticket as you still want to go. If she refuses, ask for your money back. And I think I’d be stretching out the semi regular contact to something more ‘occasional’.

Fluffmum · 19/09/2021 20:47

I think there’s something else going on here.

Localocal · 19/09/2021 20:49

Se she wants you to go round in the afternoon, but doesn't want to eat a meal? She wants to go to the club on just a cup of tea? She sounds like she has some sort of mental health issue.

Rosscameasdoody · 19/09/2021 20:49

And by the way, if she doesn’t give you either the ticket or your money back, she’s a thief as well as a shitty friend !!

DDMAC · 19/09/2021 21:14

I think I would have gone and stood outside the venue and waited for her and whom ever she had invited in your place then demanded the money back. I have a feeling you won’t see that ££ again although the loss of a friendship that you thought was a good one is worse.

gg12346 · 19/09/2021 21:19

Get a grip and call off the plan ! Don't fall for her tantrum .

Pradababe · 19/09/2021 21:22

Has she used your money to buy booze?

AnnieSnap · 19/09/2021 21:35

Sometimes when a person gives-up alcohol, boozey friends can become very prickly. If they are drinking too much, they don’t want to acknowledge that, but they know it deep down, your decision and sobriety can be like holding-up a mirror to them. The only way to respond aside from looking at themselves, is to become angry with you. Maybe that is what’s happening here.

surreygirl1987 · 19/09/2021 22:11

That is so weird. I also thought she was going to be annoyed at you going so early. Coffee and a chat - 3 hours early sounds nuts already. She sounds off her rocker! Surely there's more to it than that??

QueenBee52 · 19/09/2021 22:12

@gg12346

Get a grip and call off the plan ! Don't fall for her tantrum .
the event has been and gone.. lol

OP is now trying and failing to get her money back...

Bertiebiscuit · 19/09/2021 23:23

How come you are friends with this loon - but you now have a very good reason to kick her to the kerb so to speak, so do it - she is a needy whiny demanding baby not an grown up adult friend 🙄🙄🙄

GrandmaSteglitszch · 20/09/2021 00:28

@exaltedwombat

She'd built up a day plan in her mind, you shat on it. If you've told us EVERYTHING, she's being childish.
It's not childish, it's completely deranged.

That's so disappointing, OP, that this person turned on you for such little reason.

N0tJustY0ga · 20/09/2021 01:02

@Friendissues46

She might have done it on purpose. As she wanted you to pay for the other ticket but wanted to go with someone else.

Or she punishing you for not longer drinking when she does. Please do weird things like that when people change.

They don’t like it as you not drinking makes her feel like you’re judging her for still drinking (which your not).

Just cut out the toxic.

Porridgealert · 20/09/2021 01:08

A fortunate escape for you, I think.

chaosmaker · 20/09/2021 01:20

That's not a friend, OP and well done on being teetotal. Sorry for the reasons you don't drink now though. Drinkers, as smokers like company usually but as you've said it's perfectly possible to have loads of fun without drinking :)

Dump her and make plans with better people xx

whynotwhatknot · 20/09/2021 09:45

Batshit if she had a problem with you say so or dont arrange to go out with someone sounds like a user

suitsyoumadam · 20/09/2021 09:55

I'm sure this is an alcohol thing. When people are so strongly addicted to something, like they get to alcohol, it becomes much more important than anything or anyone. And anything that makes them aware of it makes them angry. And they always want you to drink with them. It's a disaster. My 3 grown-up children all dislike drinking for the sake of it, and it's horrible to see their dad, my ex, trying to push them to drink with him

SirYawnsAlot · 20/09/2021 10:32

She wanted to go to the show with someone else so used an excuse for you not to come. Think of it as a leaving gift to cut her out of your life.

essexvicky · 20/09/2021 11:11

Please update us on what happened? Did you go?

Polomint11 · 20/09/2021 11:29

Is this odd behaviour for her? If so I'd think perhaps there is something else going on behind it all, as yes, it is a slightly bonkers way to react!!

dearfanny · 20/09/2021 13:23

Sounds like communication mix up. She thought you were spending the day/afternoon there with her

What time did you text to confirm you would be there by 5pm?

QueenBee52 · 20/09/2021 13:40

@dearfanny

Sounds like communication mix up. She thought you were spending the day/afternoon there with her

What time did you text to confirm you would be there by 5pm?

Read the Thread

Rosscameasdoody · 20/09/2021 13:52

@AnnieSnap

Sometimes when a person gives-up alcohol, boozey friends can become very prickly. If they are drinking too much, they don’t want to acknowledge that, but they know it deep down, your decision and sobriety can be like holding-up a mirror to them. The only way to respond aside from looking at themselves, is to become angry with you. Maybe that is what’s happening here.
I think maybe this is part of it too. From what you say, your friends’ anger seems unreasonable - this could be the explanation.
Madamum18 · 20/09/2021 14:57

Frankly she is being ridiculous and entitled! Make sure you get your money back.

If you really want to carry on this friendship I suggest you wait for dust to settle then invite her round and ask her to explain her perspective then you explain yours.

But personally a friend who behaved so ridiculously towards me would get short shrift from me!

PeachyPeachTrees · 20/09/2021 16:58

So, she wanted to spend more than 3 hours with you beforehand and is so angry she's not going to see you at all!
Either wierd or on purpose to make it seem like you're the bad guy so she can now ghost you. Hope you get money back as she has acted VU.

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