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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have offered to turn up 3 hours early?

178 replies

Friendissues46 · 18/09/2021 16:59

I have a friend, who I see semi regularly, every couple of months and we do stuff together. All good.

We both live alone and have partners, but make time together. Friend is a big drinker but I’m recently tee total after many years of drinking socially so we are now having to start doing other things socially than drinking.

I asked friend if she wanted to go see a comedy night tonight which doors open at 9pm, three weeks ago. She said yes, all good and booked- she booked the tickets and I paid her for mine. I asked her if she wanted to go for a meal beforehand, and she said no. That’s fine. She said I could go around hers beforehand for a cuppa and a chat and I said that sounds good.

So today is the day, and I spoke to my friend and said I was thinking of coming to hers for 6pm. This is 3 hours before the show starts, it’s a 9pm entry so would give us 3 hours to chat spend time together etc plus the show. It’s a 1 hour drive to hers so I’d leave mine at 5.

The reason I didn’t go earlier is I had a family birthday lunch which finished at half 3. She knew this and I didn’t think it messed with our plans.

Well, she’s furious- said that I’m going to be late for the show? It starts at 9, I’m getting to hers at 6. She then said it hardly gives us enough time to spend together and I should’ve come earlier say lunchtime or asked to stay over. I said I couldn’t stay over as I had work the next day.

Well, she’s now said that she’s going to offer my ticket to her mum because I clearly have too much on my plate and 3 hours before the show to hang out just isn’t good enough.

I’m truly confused, I’ve just agreed as despite my insistence to go, she’s replying as “oh you’re so busy” “it’s too much for you” and I got a sense it would no longer be enjoyable.

I don’t think I’ll get my money back and I’m not sure what to even suggest or say now- it’s so bizarre this has happened an hour before I was supposed to leave.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Droite · 18/09/2021 18:45

Is she worth keeping as a friend if she only relates to you when you're drunk?

That's a bit like asking whether someone is worth keeping as a friend if they have depression.

Alcoholism is an illness. I'm not suggesting that the friend is an alcoholic, but I have a very dear friend who became an alcoholic (now sober), and there is no way I would have dumped him, any more than I would have dumped him if he had been depressed

I would just tread carefully.

Huh? Did you read my post, @HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick? What on earth has this got to do with alcoholism?

MLMbotsno · 18/09/2021 18:45

@Vodka1

Ask her if you can pop in for your ticket about 6 as you would still like to attend it anyway but understand if she doesn't want to travel with you.
This. You have paid for it. Go alone.
Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 18/09/2021 18:45

I think she created the drama so she could give your ticket to her mum. I'd ask for the money back at least and not bother arranging anything again with her.

AdoptedBumpkin · 18/09/2021 18:46

Like many, I thought it was going to be a case of 'three hours is too early'. She sounds a bit Hmm

HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick · 18/09/2021 18:47

@Droite

Is she worth keeping as a friend if she only relates to you when you're drunk?

That's a bit like asking whether someone is worth keeping as a friend if they have depression.

Alcoholism is an illness. I'm not suggesting that the friend is an alcoholic, but I have a very dear friend who became an alcoholic (now sober), and there is no way I would have dumped him, any more than I would have dumped him if he had been depressed

I would just tread carefully.

Huh? Did you read my post, @HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick? What on earth has this got to do with alcoholism?

Well... the OP mentions the drinking issue. That. for me, is pertinent. It doesn't sound as if they only have a laugh when they're drunk. It sounds as if the OP has managed to move away from "drink = fun", whereas her friend perhaps hasn't.
fuzzymoomin · 18/09/2021 18:48

You suggested dinner but she turned that down and instead offered a cuppa? To me, that would mean she has plans at dinner time and you should expect to perhaps spend an hour together after her dinner but before the show. So I don't get her complaint 🤷🏻‍♀️
Besides which, you've paid for the ticket so it's not her's to offer around!

Crunchymum · 18/09/2021 18:51

@Friendissues46

Have you asked for you ticket money back???

Droite · 18/09/2021 18:52

Well... the OP mentions the drinking issue. That. for me, is pertinent. It doesn't sound as if they only have a laugh when they're drunk. It sounds as if the OP has managed to move away from "drink = fun", whereas her friend perhaps hasn't.

It's not about the friend only having a laugh when she is drunk, it's the friend not wanting to associate with OP unless OP is drunk. OP said " I think it’s most likely that she thinks I’ll be boring if I’m not drinking and would rather go with someone who does:" That isn't to do with possible alcoholism.

RealMermaid · 18/09/2021 18:52

She's managed to double book herself or told her mum she could join and then couldn't get a ticket for her, and picking a completely random fight with you is her way of resolving the problem.

HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick · 18/09/2021 18:55

OP said " I think it’s most likely that she thinks I’ll be boring if I’m not drinking and would rather go with someone who does:" That isn't to do with possible alcoholism

Well... As I said, only the OP can really know.

SylvanasWindrunner · 18/09/2021 18:57

That's really weird behaviour!

ManifestDestinee · 18/09/2021 18:59

Well, she’s now said that she’s going to offer my ticket to her mum because I clearly have too much on my plate and 3 hours before the show to hang out just isn’t good enough

Tell her to fuck off! It's your ticket, you paid for it, she can't give it to anyone else! I'd still go, she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.
And I wouldn't be dealing with her again. Loon.

Chloemol · 18/09/2021 19:01

Just tell her it’s your ticket and you will be

Chloemol · 18/09/2021 19:01

Going

Droite · 18/09/2021 19:03

@HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick

OP said " I think it’s most likely that she thinks I’ll be boring if I’m not drinking and would rather go with someone who does:" That isn't to do with possible alcoholism

Well... As I said, only the OP can really know.

It's a massive and pretty irrational stretch to assume that the fact that person A finds person B better company when B is drunk means A must be alcoholic.
AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 18/09/2021 19:05

I doubt she's taking her Mum, she's probably taking one of her drinking friends and doesn't want to tell you!

IamEarthymama · 18/09/2021 19:06

OP
Come back and update us!
Please don’t say you didn’t go. Your friend has ballsed up somehow and has picked a fight to try to get out of a pickle.

Original poster
Friendissues46 · 18/09/2021 19:11

I wasn’t an alcoholic, I only drank two weeks a month on nights out but I’d experienced a lot of grief this year and found that when I drank on nights out, I’d get emotional and then it would take days to shift that same feeling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Friendissues46 · 18/09/2021 19:12

She’s said she will transfer me the money back but who knows 🙄

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 18/09/2021 19:13

She’s been at a (probably boozy) family lunch till gone 3.30pm - I’d think she’s already drunk and out with her mum…

It's OP who's had a family lunch till half past three.

TomFuckery · 18/09/2021 19:13

Is she pissed already?
Has she said someone else can have it?

itsgettingwierd · 18/09/2021 19:15

So she refused having dinner.

She suggested coffee and accepted the time you said you could make it.

She didn't suggest at the time you stay over to make more of a weekend if it?

Then tells you the day you are due to go that she is giving your ticket to her mum?

Has she always ruled the relationship?

As an aside if she wasn't planning having dinner when was she expecting you to eat if leaving yours at 5 and not getting back until late?

sloutside · 18/09/2021 19:16

She's batshit.
3 hours is more than enough time. In fact I was thinking she was going to complain about it being too early until I got to the bit in your post where you said she thought it was too late.
Who knows what is going on with her. I'd want the money back for the ticket though... and then I'd fade out the friendship.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 18/09/2021 19:16

@Friendissues46

She’s said she will transfer me the money back but who knows 🙄
Did she say when? Can you tell her that you need it back in your account tonight? Why don't you think you'll see your money again, does she have form for ripping you off?
Notonmywitch · 18/09/2021 19:18

Is she drunk already? How strange, your plan sounds fine to me.

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