To have offered to turn up 3 hours early?

[Friendissues46]

I have a friend, who I see semi regularly, every couple of months and we do stuff together. All good.

We both live alone and have partners, but make time together. Friend is a big drinker but I’m recently tee total after many years of drinking socially so we are now having to start doing other things socially than drinking.

I asked friend if she wanted to go see a comedy night tonight which doors open at 9pm, three weeks ago. She said yes, all good and booked- she booked the tickets and I paid her for mine. I asked her if she wanted to go for a meal beforehand, and she said no. That’s fine. She said I could go around hers beforehand for a cuppa and a chat and I said that sounds good.

So today is the day, and I spoke to my friend and said I was thinking of coming to hers for 6pm. This is 3 hours before the show starts, it’s a 9pm entry so would give us 3 hours to chat spend time together etc plus the show. It’s a 1 hour drive to hers so I’d leave mine at 5.

The reason I didn’t go earlier is I had a family birthday lunch which finished at half 3. She knew this and I didn’t think it messed with our plans.

Well, she’s furious- said that I’m going to be late for the show? It starts at 9, I’m getting to hers at 6. She then said it hardly gives us enough time to spend together and I should’ve come earlier say lunchtime or asked to stay over. I said I couldn’t stay over as I had work the next day.

Well, she’s now said that she’s going to offer my ticket to her mum because I clearly have too much on my plate and 3 hours before the show to hang out just isn’t good enough.

I’m truly confused, I’ve just agreed as despite my insistence to go, she’s replying as “oh you’re so busy” “it’s too much for you” and I got a sense it would no longer be enjoyable.

I don’t think I’ll get my money back and I’m not sure what to even suggest or say now- it’s so bizarre this has happened an hour before I was supposed to leave.

AIBU?

[Friendissues46]

10 minutes from hers to the venue. I think it’s most likely that she thinks I’ll be boring if I’m not drinking and would rather go with someone who does: weird to invite her mum though.

I’m a bit baffled by it, as I’m still quite fun chatty etc when I’m sober :( and we’ve done sober things before!

[RealBecca]

Do you have your ticket info?

[Notaroadrunner]

She cannot offer the other ticket to her mother. It's your ticket. Tell her you will meet her at the door to collect your ticket. What you do after that is not up to her - stay, leave or try selling it outside, whatever. It's not hers to dispose of.

[BrilliantBetty]

She is being silly.
3 hrs is plenty of time - too much time even

[Justmuddlingalong]

I'd tell her to stick the ticket up her arse. But I'm classy that way.

[CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson]

She didn't want to go for a meal, and invited you for a cuppa instead. When did she think you'd easy anything then if you weren't at lunchtime? She's being ridiculous.

I agree with others that you should tell her you're still planning to go and will collect your ticket at 8 either from her house or you can meet her to get it if she's planning to be already out

[BrilliantBetty]

But I think you're right regarding the drinking. I stopped for a few years and there were certain friends who were no longer interested. Or we were no longer compatible.

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

You really do need to tell her you will come round and collect your ticket.
Don't let this go unchallenged.

[MarleneDietrichsSmile]

When you go tee-total you loose your drinking buddies

That’s how it goes, imo

Unfortunately

[Dexysmidnightstroller]

Sorry there’s probably more to it. A better offer has come up so she doesn’t want to go with you any more

[grapewine]

Three hours is more than enough time. That's incredibly weird and needy. Go get your ticket and go to the show. No way should you let her behaviour stop you from going to a show you want to see.

She needs to get a massive grip.

[gamerchick]

She's picked a fight because her mum wants to go.

Message her back saying that's fine and to transfer your money for the ticket back now please.

I wouldn't be doing anything with her again tbh.

[Driftingblue]

She is being bizarre.

Also, when does she expect you to have supper? She wants your visit to be longer, but clearly stated she didn’t want the visit to include a meal.

[gamerchick]

Or say ok you're on your way to collect your ticket and you'll go alone if that's how she feels. Do not let her give that ticket to her mother.

[HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick]

OP, the fact that you mention your differing attitudes to drinking (which should play no part whatsoever in this) suggests that the real issue here is that you and she have different attitudes towards alcohol.

Perhaps that's the conversation that you really need to have with her, if you want to remain friends.

[ThePluckOfTheCoward]

Do you think she is drunk?

[NoSquirrels]

@Friendissues46

10 minutes from hers to the venue. I think it’s most likely that she thinks I’ll be boring if I’m not drinking and would rather go with someone who does: weird to invite her mum though.

I’m a bit baffled by it, as I’m still quite fun chatty etc when I’m sober :( and we’ve done sober things before!

She’s been at a (probably boozy) family lunch till gone 3.30pm - I’d think she’s already drunk and out with her mum…

[Butchyrestingface]

Do you even want to go with her now? I sure as shit wouldn't.

[Droite]

Is she worth keeping as a friend if she only relates to you when you're drunk?

[HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick]

@Droite

Is she worth keeping as a friend if she only relates to you when you're drunk?

That's a bit like asking whether someone is worth keeping as a friend if they have depression.

Alcoholism is an illness. I'm not suggesting that the friend is an alcoholic, but I have a very dear friend who became an alcoholic (now sober), and there is no way I would have dumped him, any more than I would have dumped him if he had been depressed.

I would just tread carefully.

[GertietheGherkin]

I don't think she sounds like the sort of person I'd want to spend 3 minutes with, let alone 3 hours.

Are you sure she's actually brought tickets?
Or she's probably mentioned to her mum about going out to a comedy night, and her mum said she'd liked to have gone so she's created a ruck with you and said she's giving the ticket to her mum.

I'd just ask her for your money back and leave her with it. It's going to be an awkward night now after her weird outburst.

[BlackberryMuncher]

Very weird. Maybe it is the drinking thing, but she shouldn't have suggested/said no when you suggested it.

Not thrown her toys out of her cot because 3 hours before the gig isn't enough time for her.

She's cracked!!

[HitMeWithYourRhythmicPrick]

@BlackberryMuncher

Very weird. Maybe it is the drinking thing, but she shouldn't have suggested/said no when you suggested it.

Not thrown her toys out of her cot because 3 hours before the gig isn't enough time for her.

She's cracked!!

Have a bit of empathy. You may think someone is "cracked", from the anonymity of a screen, but these are real people. Would that be your verdict of someone with MH problems?

It may be that the OP's friend is just a PITA. However, the fact that the OP mentions their differing views on alcohol suggests that this is the real problem. The friend may feel boxed in. She may already be drunk, and just saying stupid shit. She may have problems in her own life which mean that she drinks too much. Who knows? Only the OP can know whether this is a friendship which is worth the effort or not. But I don't think it can be dismissed by a stranger on the internet as "she's cracked".

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@Vodka1

Ask her if you can pop in for your ticket about 6 as you would still like to attend it anyway but understand if she doesn't want to travel with you.

This - why should you pay for her mam to go just because she's acting like a tw*t?

[astoundedgoat]

Gosh. She had a LOT of tea planned for this evening. I don't think she thinks you're boring sober though. It sounds like she either thinks the event starts at 7 (DOES IT??) or she just wanted to pick a fight.