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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a class group chat.

220 replies

LondonElle · 18/09/2021 14:10

I have two boys one in year 6 of primary school.
One older and in secondary school.
A few parents have taken a immense dislike of the year 6 class teacher they believe she is too strict.
Some of the children are about to take a grammar school test next week and certain parents are up in arms about the teacher upsetting their children by expecting too much off them? Raising her voice and therefore potentially causing them to fail their exams. I personally have no issues with the teacher and didn't when my older son was a pupil there last year.
The messages about this teacher started last week with a lot of parents piling on and ripping her character to shreds.
I thought it would blow over and didn't really want to get involved so kept my head down and didn't comment either way.
However within the last few days the messages have taken quite a nasty turn, one parent in particular seems hell bent on rallying the troops to get this teacher out, she has accused the teacher of gross misconduct, emotional abuse and is threatening legal action.
I wonder whether I should inform the school, I come from a family of teachers so this may be clouding my vision, I am also a member of the pta so have a good relationship with the school?
Should I keep my nose out?

OP posts:
Spysolation · 18/09/2021 16:20

Just leave the chat.
Ignore.

Comedycook · 18/09/2021 16:20

I wouldn't do or say anything to anyone

TSSDNCOP · 18/09/2021 16:22

I've been on one of these groups as they whipped themselves up about a child they didn't approve of. Its risible behaviour by adults, who would absolutely lose their shit of their child or their own professional conduct was being eviscerated.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 18/09/2021 16:22

Please ask to speak to the HT privately and tell them. We had this a few years ago-the teacher concerned had a breakdown and has never returned to teaching. They need to nip it in the bud now and support the teacher concerned and establish what parents should do if they have concerns/queries/complaints

Suetully · 18/09/2021 16:25

When my kids were growing up a hard and fast rule was never say anything about someone what you won't say to them. Simple rule but a big one

yea a noble one but an impossible and unrealistic rule to enforce. Your kids are human and so are you and ultimately we will all say things about people we wouldn't dare say to their faces because we are human.

Having said that though, it's how you do it. It's very different about having a rant about a person to your dh or a few friends over coffee than put it on sm or write it on a WhatsApp group with loads of people reading it and the potential for the comments to cause more damage.

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 18/09/2021 16:28

If it were me, and I were in the PTA (as I was last year), I’d be doing what my school’s PTA requires of me: liaise between parents and teachers, coordinate, etc.

That doesn’t mean getting in the middle, being a diplomat, meddling or whatever else someone would no doubt accuse me of suggesting.

It means going into the class chat and asking if the parents want to use the PTA for this, suggesting setting up a meeting between teacher and concerned parent, finding out from the school who the parents should approach, letting the appropriate division head know there’s discord (with the relevant parents’ prior consent).

That’s what my kids’ school’s PTA is for. All PTAs are different though.

Any which way, I really don’t see the point of mob mentality. Either a parent is concerned enough to speak in public about something, or they’re not. It doesn’t matter what other parents think.

mynameisbrian · 18/09/2021 16:33

Our parents group whats app group was reported to the head teacher for similar reasons. Little digs at the teacher who was trying her best through lock down and doing zoom lessons. I used to see her flying up the road to drop her three kids to the school to rush home to do zoom lessons. She was lovely but the group started becoming a bit 'mean girls'. Headteacher sent an email to the parents and told them to cut out their crap...not like that of course

EarringsandLipstick · 18/09/2021 16:39

If it's on the internet it's public property that's why sane people put little on the internet they wouldn't want made public.

It's not on the Internet 🙄 WhatsApp is .. an app

EarringsandLipstick · 18/09/2021 16:41

Lol, just for the ‘right thinking people’ comment.

Care to explain?
My point was most people don't record a phone call or photocopy a letter. They could but usually don't.

WhatsApp is simply an electronic version of those forms, and therefore most people won't go copying the messages.

It's not a public forum or social media with widespread unfiltered access.

Autumngoldleaf · 18/09/2021 16:43

I don't like surpressing talk it will bubble up in other ways.

We have our pta monitors if someone says something like "does anyone know if the new teacher will be from there school or recruited outside" and pta mum slams in "I don't like the way this is going, I'm sure she will be do an excellent job of recruiting"

Everyone, mostly can't stand the head. Nor the pta mum.. Seen as a massive brown moser

Autumngoldleaf · 18/09/2021 16:44

Id instead pm the mum and say why doesn't she complain directly to the school

Bagamoyo1 · 18/09/2021 16:47

@EarringsandLipstick

Anyone in the group can screenshot anything that’s posted at any time, both text and pictures

Anyone can.

Like anyone could photocopy a letter or tape a phone call.

But we tend to assume most right-thinking people won't.

The content of this group chat is nasty. But people in this chat absolutely so have the right to assume it'll be kept private.

It's not about online safety & digital awareness. Posting on public fora is completely different, cos they are ... public.

The reality check needed is your own, I'm afraid.

Why do people in WhatsApp groups have the right to assume what they say is private? Surely it’s no different from being in a room full of people? If I was in a room full of other parents, some of whom I knew well and some I barely knew at all, I wouldn’t just shout “hey everyone, Miss Smith is a right bitch isn’t she”, and assume that everyone would keep my opinion secret! It’s different to being in a small group of friends, and saying quietly “don’t tell anyone I said this, but I think Miss Smith is a bitch”. Then it would be reasonable to expect them to keep my secret.
Lunificent · 18/09/2021 16:47

Do a halfway house. Keep screenshots. Inform head that the WhatsApp discussion is going too far. Don’t pass on screenshots unless needed.

oakleaffy · 18/09/2021 16:50

What a horrid, bullying mentality.
Definitely screen shot and report.

SecretSpAD · 18/09/2021 16:50

@Suetully

It's vile behaviour. It's not bullying tho. The person who is being talked about it not aware of it

it is bullying though, not direct but it's a form.Turning people against another is bullying.

Ts definitely bullying. And I imagine the teacher knows exactly what's going on and is being reminded that parents are complaining about her every time she tries to discipline the kids of the parents involved.

This is one of the many reasons why teachers are leaving the profession.

jellytot24 · 18/09/2021 16:54

Definitely screenshot and report OP.
Back in my teaching days I was the victim of a similar situation but on Facebook - via her child's homework diary (because I never saw the parents), I politely declined a mum's offer of help on a school trip because we had enough adult volunteers and no room left on the coach. She took huge offence to this, photographed the response I'd written and posted it on FB with the most awful, vile comments about my personality and appearance! Some other parents piled on to it, but my TA was friends with her and showed me and the Head before it got completely out of hand (not before I got upset though!). My Head was fuming and made an appointment with the mum to discuss it. It never happened again to me, but she did the following year with the next teacher, and it turned out she'd done the same thing when her child was in our adjoining infant school. Awful woman. I don't think people who behave in this way actually think or care about how they're making their targets feel.
Unfortunately parents like this were a huge reason for me leaving my much loved career.

GreenWillow · 18/09/2021 16:54

@EarringsandLipstick

Anyone in the group can screenshot anything that’s posted at any time, both text and pictures

Anyone can.

Like anyone could photocopy a letter or tape a phone call.

But we tend to assume most right-thinking people won't.

The content of this group chat is nasty. But people in this chat absolutely so have the right to assume it'll be kept private.

It's not about online safety & digital awareness. Posting on public fora is completely different, cos they are ... public.

The reality check needed is your own, I'm afraid.

This.

Just stay out of it OP, you’ll cause an enormous headache for your DC if you (literally) to running to the teacher.

Walkaround · 18/09/2021 16:54

I would say, treat others as you would expect you and your child to be treated. Would you want bugger all to be done by anyone if the topic of unpleasant gossip on WhatsApp were you or your child? Would you want libellous comments which might affect people’s attitudes to continue unchallenged and unchecked? Remember that if you ever consider complaining about bullying or malicious rumours in school or anywhere else in your life.

GreenWillow · 18/09/2021 16:54

go running

TSSDNCOP · 18/09/2021 16:54

In a WhatsApp of 30 people with whom my only connection might be a mutually taught child, I wouldn't share my private thoughts on anything.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 18/09/2021 16:54

@Suetully

If it's on the internet it's public property that's why sane people put little on the internet they wouldn't want made public

WhatsApp is not on the internet though. Not saying it's acceptable what they are doing but it's very different posting on a WhatsApp group to posting on Facebook/Twitter.

It isn't. If something can be screenshotted, it's not confidential and you don't put anything on there you wouldn't want your grandmother to read.
earthyfire · 18/09/2021 16:57

I'd leave the group if I had a problem with it rather than try to silence people and their opinions.

October2020 · 18/09/2021 16:57

This happens ALL THE TIME. The Head won't care, the teacher won't care. Social media is always full of parents moaning, just check out the 'can you recommend a local school' posts on your local fb page.

The best thing to do is to say that this isn't appropriate for the group and they should take their concerns to the teacher. Who will smile sweetly and completely ignore them...

SueSaid · 18/09/2021 16:57

God don't take screen shots that's a bit weird and ott. Just leave the chat or archive it and don't comment if leaving is too awks.

It's the equivalent of playground gossip, just leave them to it. There will always be trouble causing arseholes. If it spills over into real life I'm sure the school will then handle it.

cookingisoverrated · 18/09/2021 16:59

Please screen shot all of it and send it to the Head and Deputy Head. Even if you have to do it anonymously, please do it.

completely unacceptable parental behaviour, and bad examples to their children, because I have no doubt they're also actively undermining their own children's behaviour with what they're saying at home.