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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a class group chat.

220 replies

LondonElle · 18/09/2021 14:10

I have two boys one in year 6 of primary school.
One older and in secondary school.
A few parents have taken a immense dislike of the year 6 class teacher they believe she is too strict.
Some of the children are about to take a grammar school test next week and certain parents are up in arms about the teacher upsetting their children by expecting too much off them? Raising her voice and therefore potentially causing them to fail their exams. I personally have no issues with the teacher and didn't when my older son was a pupil there last year.
The messages about this teacher started last week with a lot of parents piling on and ripping her character to shreds.
I thought it would blow over and didn't really want to get involved so kept my head down and didn't comment either way.
However within the last few days the messages have taken quite a nasty turn, one parent in particular seems hell bent on rallying the troops to get this teacher out, she has accused the teacher of gross misconduct, emotional abuse and is threatening legal action.
I wonder whether I should inform the school, I come from a family of teachers so this may be clouding my vision, I am also a member of the pta so have a good relationship with the school?
Should I keep my nose out?

OP posts:
Flopsie21 · 18/09/2021 15:56

@LondonElle

Please do this for her mental health, she'll be thankful
It’d be nice for the teacher to know not everything thinks she’s shit

soapboxqueen · 18/09/2021 15:58

I'd screenshot the messages but just hold onto them for now. They might never be needed but might be useful depending on how things develop.

I'd post a message along the lines of 'what's app groups aren't the place for official complaints and discussions there of'

I'd let the head know that you are aware of the complaint but that not all of the parents are in support of it.

Phial · 18/09/2021 15:59

We had one of these. A lovely group that went rogue all of a sudden. I did nothing but about 2 days in, my son came home and asked if I was in the "sack the teacher" WhatsApp group. He said everyone was talking about it at break but he assumed I wasn't in it as I hadn't mentioned it.
In the situation again, I would email the school and ask if they knew about it. In my case, they did know. I appreciate that a teacher might not want to know what the parents are saying, but better to hear from the head teacher than a child in the class.

tttigress · 18/09/2021 15:59

I agree with this, these days if the little darling is upset / underperforming / aggressive etc. etc. it must be the teachers fault, naturally the only solution is to get the teacher fired.

ButterflyAway · 18/09/2021 16:00

Why do parents need a WhatsApp group? One of mine has left primary now and the other will soon be too. Never had a parent WhatsApp group for either of them, it’s not needed??

MajorCarolDanvers · 18/09/2021 16:00

@themidnighttrain

The OP will probably get removed, or a second, secret group will start up

Possibly but I'd still say something. It wouldn't sit right with me not to.

Failing that I'd leave the group.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/09/2021 16:03

@ButterflyAway

Why do parents need a WhatsApp group? One of mine has left primary now and the other will soon be too. Never had a parent WhatsApp group for either of them, it’s not needed??
They are really handy. Homework forgotten, checking details of non-uniform day, getting class collection started, an easy way to get a number to set up a play date. But that's all we use ours for. No discussion much less complaining.
MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 18/09/2021 16:03

@Summerfun54321

Also, I think it’s a massive breach of trust to send in a screenshot of a private parents only discussion into school. If the parents thought their conversations would be made available directly to the head teacher, chances are they’d have never written them. Just leave the group.
Seriously??

If any parent genuinely believes that anything they post on a WhatsApp or equivalent messenger group chat is private and confidential, they definitely need a reality check.

Anyone in the group can screenshot anything that’s posted at any time, both text and pictures. They can then re-post them somewhere else, on the internet, to a local newspaper, to the teacher in this instance etc…

We’re supposed to be teaching our kids how to stay safe online but if some parents are this clueless, that’s very worrying. Confused

EarringsandLipstick · 18/09/2021 16:04

Possibly but I'd still say something. It wouldn't sit right with me not to.

Failing that I'd leave the group.

This is what I'd do too. If it continued I would also leave.

I think saying something can sometimes work as it allows others who might feel the same to agree.

MajorCarolDanvers · 18/09/2021 16:04

@ButterflyAway

Why do parents need a WhatsApp group? One of mine has left primary now and the other will soon be too. Never had a parent WhatsApp group for either of them, it’s not needed??
I was in one for one of my children but not for the other.

I agree not necessary but it was mildly useful on occasion.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/09/2021 16:07

Anyone in the group can screenshot anything that’s posted at any time, both text and pictures

Anyone can.

Like anyone could photocopy a letter or tape a phone call.

But we tend to assume most right-thinking people won't.

The content of this group chat is nasty. But people in this chat absolutely so have the right to assume it'll be kept private.

It's not about online safety & digital awareness. Posting on public fora is completely different, cos they are ... public.

The reality check needed is your own, I'm afraid.

Steeple · 18/09/2021 16:08

@ButterflyAway

Why do parents need a WhatsApp group? One of mine has left primary now and the other will soon be too. Never had a parent WhatsApp group for either of them, it’s not needed??
It’s been needed at all the three primary schools DS has attended as a method of asking questions about homework, chasing up missing coats, double-checking fancy dress days or special event timings etc. Pleasant, unremarkable stuff.

OP, to whom does the WhatsApp chat belong? I ask because when a disagreement arose when a slightly nutty parent misunderstood something the teacher did, I had to point out to people that this was a private, independent group, not affiliated to the school, the PTA etc.

Suetully · 18/09/2021 16:08

We had one of these. A lovely group that went rogue all of a sudden. I did nothing but about 2 days in, my son came home and asked if I was in the "sack the teacher" WhatsApp group. He said everyone was talking about it at break but he assumed I wasn't in it as I hadn't mentioned it.
In the situation again, I would email the school and ask if they knew about it. In my case, they did know. I appreciate that a teacher might not want to know what the parents are saying, but better to hear from the head teacher than a child in the class

What was the outcome and what were the complaints?

TSSDNCOP · 18/09/2021 16:08

I would have to say something but n the group, I loathe bullying and that's what this is fair and square.

Then I'd screen shot everything, give copies to the Headteacher and leave the group.

There were people like this in my son's class and it was clear they hadn't changed since they were teenagers.

JudgeJ · 18/09/2021 16:10

@Suetully

However within the last few days the messages have taken quite a nasty turn, one parent, in particular, seems hell bent on rallying the troops to get this teacher out, she has accused the teacher of gross misconduct, emotional abuse and is threatening legal action

This is pure bullying. I think parents' WhatsApp groups/social media etc like this should be legally banned from naming teachers/slagging them etc. Can you imagine the outrage if a teacher's WhatsApp group was slagging off parents or kids?

That's the hypocrisy of this group, they would be on the school doorstep if they felt their child was being bullied yet they can hide behind the cowardly annonymity of social media to bully the teacher. I hope that the teacher's colleagues are supportive and they can have a good laugh at these so-called parents, maybe go out for a few drinks and let their hair down. How very dare anyone raise their voice at the class, maybe if the so-called parents had raised their voices in the last 10 years the teacher wouldn't have to.
EarringsandLipstick · 18/09/2021 16:11

I loathe bullying and that's what this is fair and square.

It's vile behaviour. It's not bullying tho. The person who is being talked about it not aware of it.

If a complaint is made, then it can be handled as appropriate.

Sheerheight · 18/09/2021 16:12

Definitely discuss with HT. The parents are going about this totally the wrong way imo.

Nat6999 · 18/09/2021 16:13

If you start screenshotting everything you could cause problems for your own child & lead to them being bullied, better to either mute the group or mute anyone whose opinions you don't agree with.

JudgeJ · 18/09/2021 16:14

The content of this group chat is nasty. But people in this chat absolutely so have the right to assume it'll be kept private.

Why? If your child received threatening messages etc from another child would you expect the other child to be allowed to say that their correspondance should be private?
If it's on the internet it's public property that's why sane people put little on the internet they wouldn't want made public.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 18/09/2021 16:15

@EarringsandLipstick

Anyone in the group can screenshot anything that’s posted at any time, both text and pictures

Anyone can.

Like anyone could photocopy a letter or tape a phone call.

But we tend to assume most right-thinking people won't.

The content of this group chat is nasty. But people in this chat absolutely so have the right to assume it'll be kept private.

It's not about online safety & digital awareness. Posting on public fora is completely different, cos they are ... public.

The reality check needed is your own, I'm afraid.

Lol, just for the ‘right thinking people’ comment.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

PinniGig · 18/09/2021 16:15

Think I might personally be tempted to ask why they don't just say all this directly to her or if they just got carried away bitching amongst themselves and acting like teens having their first drink in a pub. If you don't feel brave enough or aren't keen to confront them outright I would definitely let the school know as a quiet, friendly heads up just to make them aware rather than it become an automatic major issue.

Social media does give people the sense of being able to say and act out of character which when just one or two others start is easy to get way out of hand and people with even the most decent character can be swept up and away with.

When my kids were growing up a hard and fast rule was never say anything about someone what you won't say to them. Simple rule but a big one.

Suetully · 18/09/2021 16:16

It's vile behaviour. It's not bullying tho. The person who is being talked about it not aware of it

it is bullying though, not direct but it's a form.Turning people against another is bullying.

ClaraThree · 18/09/2021 16:18

Please write a letter praising the teacher. Don’t screenshot or warn the head.

TSSDNCOP · 18/09/2021 16:18

Ok, we can differ on terminology.

It's a bunch of cowards, that won't speak singly, geeing each other up until one breaks cover to accuse a teacher of gross misconduct.

None of these ridiculous people will think back on the aggro they've caused when this teacher gets the results they are highly to pass off as their own success.

You can bet money as well these loud mouths are not restricting their words to SM but are speaking them in front of their children.

Suetully · 18/09/2021 16:19

If it's on the internet it's public property that's why sane people put little on the internet they wouldn't want made public

WhatsApp is not on the internet though. Not saying it's acceptable what they are doing but it's very different posting on a WhatsApp group to posting on Facebook/Twitter.