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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Accepting DSDad’s religious beliefs.

253 replies

Niffler92 · 17/09/2021 11:12

My step dad has always been a believer and attended church. His last church was lovely and open, all guitars and clapping. He’s started going to a new church who are homophobic as a gay person I find this hard, they campaign against equal marriage, adoption for gay people, gay families and education about gay issues in schools. This is very hard for me as a gay person who campaigned for these rights, he also has niece who has a baby with her wife.

They also are anti choice and anti sex and babies out of marriage. Oh and preach about having as many babies as ‘god gives you’. In his previous church I always said my DD could go if she wanted to, now it’d be a cold day in hell before I left her go to THAT church!

My mum condones and excuses what they preach by saying he doesn’t understand that that’s what they believe.

How do I reconcile my own beliefs with what his church preaches?

OP posts:
daisyjgrey · 20/09/2021 14:09

Blessed are the peacemakers

🙄

Complicit are the apathetic.

MacNougat · 21/09/2021 10:13

www.fpchurch.org.uk/2018/03/homosexuality/

I wouldn't want my child around someone who believes this.

ILoveAGlassofFizzy · 21/09/2021 10:23

@Niffler92

I think the thing I find ridiculous is that I am probably with my mum on this I don’t think he knows a lot of what his new church believes in.
How is it that you know so much and he doesnt? (Im absolutely sure that he does though if he goes to church every week). If you love him (Im assuming that he loves you too), then I dont understand why its a problem.
ILoveAGlassofFizzy · 21/09/2021 10:25

Why would your stepdad want your daughter to go to Sunday School?

MacNougat · 21/09/2021 10:51

@mustlovegin

rabid

I'm not talking about any kind of 'rabidity' here.

Just that, as long as everyone is respectful, we all have the right to have our own opinions and not be ostracised for them

Why should we be respectful of this:

Why should we be respectful of this:

The sodomite lobby is becoming more bold and vociferous in its demands. The prosecution of Christian people with small businesses who, for instance, refuse to print sodomite literature or decorate their “wedding” cakes, is becoming more frequently heard of.

In the visible church we have witnessed a turning away from God’s Word in the embracing of sodomites, the appointment of women ministers and priests, and now the inevitable woman bishop.

The passing into law of the Same-Sex Marriage Act is one of the main contributory factors in promoting homosexuality in society. Alex Neil, Cabinet Secretary for Health and Wellbeing in the Scottish Government, said, “We are introducing same-sex marriage in Scotland because it is the right thing to do”. Obviously he is a blind leader of the blind.

The Church calls for Christian resources to be made available which explain the value of monogamous marriage between a man and a woman and for true objectivity to be achieved through factual information being provided to senior age groups on the health dangers of aspects of the homosexual lifestyle.

Sodomy, as it was in Sodom, is one of the signature sins of the wicked age in which we live. That culture in the RC church in Scotland goes back many years, and it has become apparent, through these and other scandals, that it has been a breeding ground for this sin – showing that far from being the true Church of Jesus Christ as it claims, it has been a synagogue of Satan

The median age of death of homosexuals in America is about 42 years old. Engaging in homosexual activity is a lifestyle of disease and death. The medical case against homosexual behaviour is overwhelming, and if those engaged in homosexual behaviour had to pay private medical insurance to cover the increased health risk arising from their behaviour, then it would become apparent that equality is not the issue. There are good reasons why homosexual behaviour was once judged a criminal offence and, in some circumstances, still is.

Nature and Scripture teach that there are things that men may be and do that women cannot be and do, just as there are things which women may be and do that men cannot be and do.

Man’s headship means that the ultimate authority in male-human relationships should rest with him. This authority was exercised at the outset by Adam’s naming of the female as woman and then again after the fall as Eve the mother of all living. This is taught in the New Testament: “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man” (1 Tim. 2:12). The woman then is under authority – under male authority. Female subjection requires that she submit to that male authority. The man’s authority means the woman’s submission

All taken directly of the website of the vile organisation the OP's DSD belongs to.

MacNougat · 21/09/2021 10:52

@ILoveAGlassofFizzy

You don't understand why the OP, who is gay, would have a problem with her DSD belonging to an organisation that campaigns to take away her rights?

Confusedandshaken · 21/09/2021 12:02

@Niffler92

I think the thing I find ridiculous is that I am probably with my mum on this I don’t think he knows a lot of what his new church believes in.
I'm a Catholic. I don't believe in quite a lot of the Catholic Church tenets. Eg I use contraception, I support a woman's right to choose and absolutely support same sex marriages. I choose to remain in the church for deeper spiritual reasons and work for change from within.

And for @Mistyplanet Jesus had nothing to say about male or female roles or their choice of sexual partner. He preached love and acceptance for everyone.

amusedbush · 21/09/2021 12:17

Ah, there's no hate quite like Christian love.

My uncle is a minister in the wee free - we do not talk. In fact, he did the service for my grandad's funeral a couple of years ago and he spent the whole time glaring at me, which just made me and my mum laugh like muttley in the pews.

I'm married to a cishet man so it's easy for people to forget/ignore the fact that I'm a dirty big bisexual Grin

EmeraldShamrock · 21/09/2021 12:59

I'm married to a cishet man so it's easy for people to forget/ignore the fact that I'm a dirty big bisexual.
A cishet man? Isn't that just a man born male who is straight? Why the label?

Bustersword · 21/09/2021 13:00

@Mistyplanet

Christians believe fathers and mothers are required to make a family.

So do those families with same sex parents just not exist?

amusedbush · 21/09/2021 14:27

@EmeraldShamrock

I'm married to a cishet man so it's easy for people to forget/ignore the fact that I'm a dirty big bisexual. A cishet man? Isn't that just a man born male who is straight? Why the label?
Because in a "straight-passing" relationship, bisexual/pansexual people quite often get forgotten about or shoved to one side. Sometimes a bisexual person being married to a cishet person is viewed as less valid than a bisexual person married to a trans or queer person of a different gender. As if their relationship is "too straight" for them to be a part of the community.

There is still a lot of biphobia around, even in the LGBTQ+ community. If you're straight then I understand why you might not have heard about this but just take a look at social media - there are countless bi women who have experienced this.

Niffler92 · 21/09/2021 14:53

@MacNougat

www.fpchurch.org.uk/2018/03/homosexuality/

I wouldn't want my child around someone who believes this.

it’s the free church rather than fpc
OP posts:
mustlovegin · 21/09/2021 14:53

All taken directly of the website of the vile organisation the OP's DSD belongs to

You do understand that it would be illegal to discriminate any member of this church based on their religious beliefs, right?

If I were the OP, I would not send my DD to Sunday school in order to preserve her from any potential risk. But unless my DSD started to display an openly antagonistic behaviour towards us, I would leave it there.

mustlovegin · 21/09/2021 15:00

There seems to be an expectation nowadays that there should be universally accepted or condemned beliefs. This is unrealistic and has never been the case in the history of mankind.

If someone thinks that meat eaters are vile, or those with large feet are incompetent (examples of behaviours or physical characteristics) I would just have to grow a thick skin and accept it. Similarly others need to respect my opinions should they find them unsavoury. It doesn't mean becoming best friends, but being respectful towards one another.

On the other hand, if someone commits a crime as a result of their opinions, that's a different matter and will be dealt with by the judiciary system.

MacNougat · 21/09/2021 15:07

@mustlovegin

There seems to be an expectation nowadays that there should be universally accepted or condemned beliefs. This is unrealistic and has never been the case in the history of mankind.

If someone thinks that meat eaters are vile, or those with large feet are incompetent (examples of behaviours or physical characteristics) I would just have to grow a thick skin and accept it. Similarly others need to respect my opinions should they find them unsavoury. It doesn't mean becoming best friends, but being respectful towards one another.

On the other hand, if someone commits a crime as a result of their opinions, that's a different matter and will be dealt with by the judiciary system.

Nobody has to respect anyone's opinions. If someone wants to call me a sodomite and compares me to a paedophile, I'm not going to respect that.
MacNougat · 21/09/2021 15:09

@mustlovegin

All taken directly of the website of the vile organisation the OP's DSD belongs to

You do understand that it would be illegal to discriminate any member of this church based on their religious beliefs, right?

If I were the OP, I would not send my DD to Sunday school in order to preserve her from any potential risk. But unless my DSD started to display an openly antagonistic behaviour towards us, I would leave it there.

It would be illegal for me to refuse them service or refuse to hire them yes. But I can still think that they are vile.

Incidentally, on the website there are articles complaining about the fact that they are no longer allowed to discriminate against gay people.

MacNougat · 21/09/2021 15:10

Also, @mustlovegin, would you also demand that people respect racists?

Moonmelodies · 21/09/2021 15:15

Jesus had nothing to say about male or female roles or their choice of sexual partner.
How can you know everything he ever said, Confusedandshaken?

Mumoblue · 21/09/2021 15:16

Personally I would go low-contact or no-contact.

Many people manage to be religious and not homophobic. You can respect someone’s RIGHT to believe whatever they want, you don’t have to respect their actual belief.

I wouldn’t be able to reconcile the cognitive dissonance of him saying his church isn’t that bad and the people are nice while also admitting he won’t talk about gay family members.

Lucienandjean · 21/09/2021 15:44

@MacNougat

www.fpchurch.org.uk/2018/03/homosexuality/

I wouldn't want my child around someone who believes this.

I think not everyone on this thread has realised that the link someone is to the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland, but the OP's DGD goes to the Free Church of Scotland.

They are very, very different.

The Free Church is too traditional for me, but I know good, non-judgemental folk who belong to it, who would not act in a homophobic or discriminatory way. They would probably take seriously what the Bible has to say on relationships, but those instructions are for Christian believers, not to be used against people who think or believe otherwise.

On the other hand, I wouldn't touch the Free Presbyterians with a barge pole. Far too strict and judgemental, and no room for a variety of opinions in that church.

So I don't think posters should be assuming that the OP's relative would agree with that long quotation from the Free Presbyterian website - it's comparing, if not apples and oranges, then maybe apples and pears!

Bitofachinwag · 21/09/2021 15:45

Incidentally, on the website there are articles complaining about the fact that they are no longer allowed to discriminate against gay people.
Aren't they complaining about having to serve gay people? Let's be factual.

SoloISland · 21/09/2021 16:00

@Moonmelodies

Jesus had nothing to say about male or female roles or their choice of sexual partner. How can you know everything he ever said, Confusedandshaken?
Picking up on this as I cannot quote the original post,

Jesus did indeed state very fully the Judeo Christian laws on these matters.

Jesus said, very clearly, when challenged on issues, "I come to fulfil the law not to destroy it. "

I cannot copy/paste on this machine but this is Matthew 5, vv17-19

Referring to the Old Testament laws clearly and fully set out and very clear on these matters

Including the laws on marriage etc, as between one man and one woman.

On one occasion when a woman was caught in the very act of adultery and the crowd was about to stone her to death as was the custom, He stopped them with , "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,," So of course no one does. And when she then is free to go on her way? "Go and sin no more. "
Loving all but teaching to act within the Law.
And behind all? "If you love me you will keep my commandments"
Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour.

That is the backbone of our faith.

Some call it hate the sin but love the sinner. If they will allow that but on this thread?

And we all and each have the right to our faith and to act and live that faith as we see right.
For Christians that means no sexual activity outside Christian marriage and Christian marriage is between one man and one woman.

FOR CHRISTIANS

In Christ there is no condemnation. And no one here who is in that faith has condemned anyone by simply stating our belief. I certainly am not doing. This is what I have lived these many many years. Never
condemning others who choose a different ideology.
Wondering why others attack …

Saying goodnight here as my shifts require I sleep now, so blessings and peace

MacNougat · 21/09/2021 16:01

@Bitofachinwag

Incidentally, on the website there are articles complaining about the fact that they are no longer allowed to discriminate against gay people. Aren't they complaining about having to serve gay people? Let's be factual.
Well yeah that's basically what I said. They can't discriminate against gay people by refusing to serve them.
MacNougat · 21/09/2021 16:04

@SoloISland

Except OP's DSD's church actively campaigned against the legalisation of equal marriage. So not just FOR CHRISTIANS.

And as others have pointed out, plenty of Christians don't have these homophobic views.

Bitofachinwag · 21/09/2021 16:08

Well yeah that's basically what I said. They can't discriminate against gay people by refusing to serve them.
Not quite. They don't think it's discrimination.