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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accepting DSDad’s religious beliefs.

253 replies

Niffler92 · 17/09/2021 11:12

My step dad has always been a believer and attended church. His last church was lovely and open, all guitars and clapping. He’s started going to a new church who are homophobic as a gay person I find this hard, they campaign against equal marriage, adoption for gay people, gay families and education about gay issues in schools. This is very hard for me as a gay person who campaigned for these rights, he also has niece who has a baby with her wife.

They also are anti choice and anti sex and babies out of marriage. Oh and preach about having as many babies as ‘god gives you’. In his previous church I always said my DD could go if she wanted to, now it’d be a cold day in hell before I left her go to THAT church!

My mum condones and excuses what they preach by saying he doesn’t understand that that’s what they believe.

How do I reconcile my own beliefs with what his church preaches?

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/09/2021 14:00

@bathsh3ba

Do you believe gay people should be allowed to marry?

Do you believe gay couples should be allowed to adopt?

It's all very well saying that you don't think it's a sin to be gay, but if you believe it's fundamentally wrong for gay people to be able to for example marry or be parents to non biological children then I think it would be fair for people to call your beliefs homophobic.

daisyjgrey · 23/09/2021 14:15

This thread has made it oddly clear how many people have so few things in their lives that they can dedicate such a vast proportion of it to strongly believe two adults of the same sex shouldn't be together/love each other/have sex/be parents.

It's strange that there don't appear to be any "mind your own business and stop being a dick" chapters in the bible.

voldr · 23/09/2021 14:33

@SoloISland @bathsh3ba @Balonzette

Why would God make people gay and fall in love with people of the same sex if they weren't meant to act on it?

ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 14:42

The idea that sexuality is a new idea is completely wrong, as is the idea that no other culture made it an important aspect of life. Some people seem to think the entire gay history of the world is like 1950's England.

Bitofachinwag · 23/09/2021 22:06

@daisyjgrey

This thread has made it oddly clear how many people have so few things in their lives that they can dedicate such a vast proportion of it to strongly believe two adults of the same sex shouldn't be together/love each other/have sex/be parents.

It's strange that there don't appear to be any "mind your own business and stop being a dick" chapters in the bible.

I think this verse might be what you're looking for:

biblehub.com ›
Matthew 7:12 In everything, then, do to others as you would have them do to you. For this is the essence of the Law and the Prophets.

mustlovegin · 24/09/2021 08:30

do to others as you would have them do to you

Yes, then we should respect others' right to have their own opinions if we want them to respect ours.

ElectricDeChocobo · 24/09/2021 08:32

@mustlovegin

do to others as you would have them do to you

Yes, then we should respect others' right to have their own opinions if we want them to respect ours.

Would you respect racists?
ManifestDestinee · 24/09/2021 08:55

@mustlovegin

do to others as you would have them do to you

Yes, then we should respect others' right to have their own opinions if we want them to respect ours.

No, we should not respect others opinions that we should not exist. Hmm
youvegottenminuteslynn · 24/09/2021 09:03

@mustlovegin

do to others as you would have them do to you

Yes, then we should respect others' right to have their own opinions if we want them to respect ours.

We should respect the opinion or racists and sexists for example? Really?
Babdoc · 24/09/2021 09:09

Why not encourage stepdad to attend a Church of Scotland church instead of the fundamentalist wee frees?
We are much more inclusive. My brilliant previous minister was actually a lesbian, and was on the national committee that approved gay and lesbian ministers!

ElectricDeChocobo · 24/09/2021 11:23

@Babdoc

Why not encourage stepdad to attend a Church of Scotland church instead of the fundamentalist wee frees? We are much more inclusive. My brilliant previous minister was actually a lesbian, and was on the national committee that approved gay and lesbian ministers!
I doubt he's going to go to a different church just because OP asks him to.
Mordinvasnormandy · 25/09/2021 12:00

@Babdoc

Why not encourage stepdad to attend a Church of Scotland church instead of the fundamentalist wee frees? We are much more inclusive. My brilliant previous minister was actually a lesbian, and was on the national committee that approved gay and lesbian ministers!
Aren't the wee frees the free Presbyterians?
bathsh3ba · 25/09/2021 13:24

@ElectricDeChocobo I'm not saying people 'weren't gay' before a few decades ago, I'm simply saying that being gay (or straight, or any one of the new sexual identities that seem to have emerged in the past decade) being the most important part of your identity is a new idea.

@youvegottenminuteslynn I have no problem with gay people having a civil marriage, or adopting children.

@voldr why does acting on love have to mean sex? are all innate sexual attractions okay?

ElectricDeChocobo · 25/09/2021 13:41

@ElectricDeChocobo I'm not saying people 'weren't gay' before a few decades ago, I'm simply saying that being gay (or straight, or any one of the new sexual identities that seem to have emerged in the past decade) being the most important part of your identity is a new idea.

Not sure being gay is the most important part of anyone's identity. But it's as inherint now as it was in the past.

why does acting on love have to mean sex? are all innate sexual attractions okay?
Yes, if t's between consenting adults before you start comparing homosexuality and paedophila. Are you saying that same sex couples should be celibate? Is kissing and cuddling okay?

Simonjt · 25/09/2021 13:48

why does acting on love have to mean sex? are all innate sexual attractions okay?

Ah, here we go, I look forward to completing my bingo sheet

youvegottenminuteslynn · 25/09/2021 13:58

@Simonjt

why does acting on love have to mean sex? are all innate sexual attractions okay?

Ah, here we go, I look forward to completing my bingo sheet

So depressing isn't it. Every time.
Voldr · 25/09/2021 16:16

@bathsh3ba

Who is saying being gay is the most important part of their identity, and how do you know that wasn't they case a decade ago?

RAFHercules · 25/09/2021 16:52

Judge not and ye shall not be judged. Matthew 7.1.

I consider myself to be a Christian but honestly believe that homophobic teaching needs to be made a hate crime in whatever institution it takes place in.
There is no room in this world for hatred and bigotry.

RAFHercules · 25/09/2021 16:54

@mustlovegin

do to others as you would have them do to you

Yes, then we should respect others' right to have their own opinions if we want them to respect ours.

No, not if the other person is preaching hate. We must all challenge that.
Bitofachinwag · 25/09/2021 20:28

@RAFHercules

Judge not and ye shall not be judged. Matthew 7.1.

I consider myself to be a Christian but honestly believe that homophobic teaching needs to be made a hate crime in whatever institution it takes place in.
There is no room in this world for hatred and bigotry.

Yes, but having a different opinion to someone doesn't equal hate ( although of course some people do hate people because of their opinion)
ElectricDeChocobo · 26/09/2021 18:20

Yes, but having a different opinion to someone doesn't equal hate ( although of course some people do hate people because of their opinion)

Wanting to deprive people of their rights does though.

Still waiting on @mustlovegin telling us whether she'd defend racism the same way she's defending homophobia.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/09/2021 19:38

ElectricDeChocobo

@ElectricDeChocobo I'm not saying people 'weren't gay' before a few decades ago, I'm simply saying that being gay (or straight, or any one of the new sexual identities that seem to have emerged in the past decade) being the most important part of your identity is a new idea.“

“Sexual identities” really haven’t “emerged” in the past decade.
Humankind has no doubt ever been thus since the day it got up on two legs. I’ve no doubt whatsoever that there were LGBT+ people living in caves and clubbing woolly mammoths. Don’t suppose any of them batted an eyelid, either.
Don’t suppose anyone even gave it a second thought until someone invented preaching, writing and the one true God. That’s where it all began to go horribly wrong.

Anyone demonising another person because of who they love has no business whatsoever claiming to speak on behalf of a God (of whatever flavour).

I’m not religious. If I were, I would expect God to represent love, not bigotry and hatred. Why would anyone worship it, otherwise?

mustlovegin · 27/09/2021 13:26

I'm not going to entertain the question that is so insistently being put to me as it's always used to derail threads and shut down debate.

I think that everyone has the right to their own opinions and that there isn't a hierarchy of protected characteristics, all of them have the same standing. That's all that's relevant to this thread

ElectricDeChocobo · 27/09/2021 14:30

@mustlovegin

I'm not going to entertain the question that is so insistently being put to me as it's always used to derail threads and shut down debate.

I think that everyone has the right to their own opinions and that there isn't a hierarchy of protected characteristics, all of them have the same standing. That's all that's relevant to this thread

Why? Do you think racist beliefs should be respected? Its a simple enough question.
Simonjt · 27/09/2021 17:44

@mustlovegin

I'm not going to entertain the question that is so insistently being put to me as it's always used to derail threads and shut down debate.

I think that everyone has the right to their own opinions and that there isn't a hierarchy of protected characteristics, all of them have the same standing. That's all that's relevant to this thread

So you do think racism should be respected, so why not just say that?