To be sick to death of being told I look young

[Ellavaday]

I’m 30, but get mistaken for much younger pretty much daily. I’ve recently started a new job and meeting different people which likely adds to it.
It’s always the same, “So, do you live at home with your parents?”
“So are you at college/uni?”
Then when I tell them my situation and age, “You look soo young! You look like you’re just out of school(etc).”

I didn’t mind it at first but it’s getting on my nerves now, it’s every single person I meet. Also the way they’re acting as if 30 is ancient. I’m sure people will say to enjoy it while it lasts and that I’m lucky, and I get that, but it’s just too much sometimes.

The next thing is that I constantly get referred to as cute and adorable. My partner works in a pub and has some female colleagues who are 20-22.
I’ve never spoken to any of them beyond a hi and ordering a drink, but They’ve apparently said to him ‘She’s soo cute/she’s adorable!”
If they’d said kind/friendly/nice etc ok, but it just feels like something you’d say to a puppy or a baby.

There was some concert coming up in which it was techno/drum and bass sort of music. My boyfriend mentioned it to this female colleague and then said he’d invited me too, and apparently she went ‘Oh wow, I can’t really imagine her liking that sort of music’ and laughed.

So because you’ve seen me for all of 10 seconds in a bar you know all of my music tastes? It’s not the first time I’ve heard that, just because I’m quiet and don’t drink etc people ‘can’t imagine me’ liking rap/hip hop/metal etc.
Just such a weird thing to say.

Rant over, does anyone else get this? I know there’s worse stuff in the world but it does irritate me now.

I don't get mistaken for a teenager.

And yet you said:

I'm 36 and I STILL get asked for ID

Anyway, I'll leave you to police the thread...and decide who gets to post or not, and who is 'bitter', 'jealous', and - the pièce de résistance -an 'old hag'!

I think you might be projecting your own current self-admitted state of bitterness, here.

Boo hoo

@milkyaqua

I don't get mistaken for a teenager.

And yet you said:

I'm 36 and I STILL get asked for ID

Anyway, I'll leave you to police the thread...and decide who gets to post or not, and who is 'bitter', 'jealous', and - the pièce de résistance -an 'old hag'!

I think you might be projecting your own current self-admitted state of bitterness, here.

Yes, I believe 'Think 25' means you challenge anyone who looks under 25. As you would have already known, if you'd actually read the thread rather than frothing at the mouth at the nerve of other woman to talk about their experiences of being mistaken for younger than they are.

I’ve found it hard going from always looking young to suddenly looking my age.

Same here. The whole “you’ll be happy when you are in your 40s” is nonsense.

I actually find most people are really crap at telling how old anyone actually is.

@BoredZelda

I’ve found it hard going from always looking young to suddenly looking my age.

Same here. The whole “you’ll be happy when you are in your 40s” is nonsense.

I actually find most people are really crap at telling how old anyone actually is.

There are lots of different factors involved...actual appearance, demeanour, height, body language, etc. Women who are quiet or shy are far more likely to be taken as younger. Women who suffer from adult acne, like myself, are also more likely to be taken as younger because in many people's minds, acne = young people. It's usually a combination of several factors IMO.

@milkyaqua

I'm in my mid 50s, and am frequently asked for I.D. to buy alcohol... I showed him my driving licence to prove my age, but he said it was clearly fake, and I was obviously not a day over 16.

I think it went over @Blossomtoes head.......

I get you OP. I look pretty young for my age (mid 30s). Get asked for ID regularly etc etc.

I won’t give an anecdotes though as last time I did on a thread like this I had some horrible personal attacks from some very bitter, nasty posters. These anecdotes were completely true things that had happened to me recently, but they seemed to really upset a few mean spirited posters. I still am not sure why. The only thing I can think of is that they’ve always considered themselves to look young, but suddenly realised that they must look older than they thought as none of those things had ever happened to them!!

Good luck and enjoy your youthful looks OP, you really will be glad of them when you’re older. My mums mid 60s and loves being mistaken for 10 years younger.

@Inthesameboatatmo

I get it op , I'm 43 and I do look a decade younger, it is annoying sometimes as I really am sick of explaining I'm not early 30s to people yanbu

I know right. I have been turned away from numerous pubs recently, even though I am in my 50s.... The landlord said last Sunday, that I need to go back home and get to bed, as it's school tomorrow.

Eeee, this looking so young is SO TIRESOME!

@Nonicknamesforcatapillars

I get you OP. I look pretty young for my age (mid 30s). Get asked for ID regularly etc etc.

I won’t give an anecdotes though as last time I did on a thread like this I had some horrible personal attacks from some very bitter, nasty posters. These anecdotes were completely true things that had happened to me recently, but they seemed to really upset a few mean spirited posters.

I still am not sure why. The only thing I can think of is that they’ve always considered themselves to look young, but suddenly realised that they must look older than they thought as none of those things had ever happened to them!!

Meow!!! Hisssss.

Here... Have a saucer of milk, and a nail file to sharpen those claws.

I get it op , I'm 43 and I do look a decade younger, it is annoying sometimes as I really am sick of explaining I'm not early 30s to people yanbu
Who are all these people who talk about your age all the time? If they really think you're 30 odd why are they even mentioning it?
Unless you do that coy head tilt thing and ask people to guess how old you are, I can't imagine how these conversations even start.

I was visiting at at my dad's care home a couple of days ago and an elderly lady, that I know is 89, was sat close to us said to me: "Excuse me young lady but could you move this chair for me"!.

I'm 67 next month!!

@MyPatronusIsACat

Thanks. I was a bit thirsty.

Honestly you should have seen those comments! I was actually shocked people could be so vile for no real reason!

@GreyhoundG1rl

I get it op , I'm 43 and I do look a decade younger, it is annoying sometimes as I really am sick of explaining I'm not early 30s to people yanbu Who are all these people who talk about your age all the time? If they really think you're 30 odd why are they even mentioning it? Unless you do that coy head tilt thing and ask people to guess how old you are, I can't imagine how these conversations even start.

I agree. How would being 30s instead of 40s really even need to be explained? I suppose perhaps if you met a new coworker and they said oh never thought you were 45, I would have guessed you were thirties! Then you say ‘haha no, I’m 45.’

@GreyhoundG1rl

I get it op , I'm 43 and I do look a decade younger, it is annoying sometimes as I really am sick of explaining I'm not early 30s to people yanbu Who are all these people who talk about your age all the time? If they really think you're 30 odd why are they even mentioning it? Unless you do that coy head tilt thing and ask people to guess how old you are, I can't imagine how these conversations even start.

Are you really so lacking in imagination that you can't imagine how someone would make it clear they thought you were much younger?

You mention buying a house - "oh, you must be doing well to afford it at your age" or "have your parents helped?"

Someone mentions a Walkman or Discman in a convo and then says "I bet you don't remember those" or "do you even know what they are?"

You mention something you used to wear as a teenager that makes them realise you're not the age you thought and they ask how old you are.

"You got your jab already? I would have thought you' still have to wait ages."

etc. etc.

@Kanaloa someone on my team mentioned how he'd be jabbed far sooner than me, and I asked what made him think that. He said "Because I'm 35 and you're not!" I told him not only was I 35, but I was a good 9 months older than him (it had been his birthday that week) and born the year before. He'd thought I was mid to late twenties.

There are plenty of ways age can come up without a direct conversation about it!

@GreyhoundG1rl

I get it op , I'm 43 and I do look a decade younger, it is annoying sometimes as I really am sick of explaining I'm not early 30s to people yanbu Who are all these people who talk about your age all the time? If they really think you're 30 odd why are they even mentioning it? Unless you do that coy head tilt thing and ask people to guess how old you are, I can't imagine how these conversations even start.

Oh really greyhoundgirl ?? Have you not experienced multiple people introducing themselves to you, asking for your age and saying 'WOW you look SOOOOOOOOO much younger!' Happens all the time in MY social circle. Especially as me - and some of my friends look 30 to 35 years younger than our age.

Someone mistakenly thought my daughter was my mother earlier. Even though she is in her mid 20s and I am in my mid 50s. AND I was asked by a delivery driver just now if my mommy was in. Oh how embarrassing... tinkly laugh.......

.

[quote Rozziie]@Kanaloa someone on my team mentioned how he'd be jabbed far sooner than me, and I asked what made him think that. He said "Because I'm 35 and you're not!" I told him not only was I 35, but I was a good 9 months older than him (it had been his birthday that week) and born the year before. He'd thought I was mid to late twenties.

There are plenty of ways age can come up without a direct conversation about it![/quote]
But then it’s a relatively short and simple conversation.

I’ll be jabbed far sooner than you as I’m thirty five and you’re not (odd conversational skills anyway)
No, I’m thirty five so we’ll probably be about the same time.
Oh I thought you were mid to late twenties.
No, thirty five.

It wouldn’t be that horrific surely?

With those saying about how it combines other factors like how you cat too. Yes, there can also be an element of chicken vs egg (which comes first). For example, the idea that people are going to view us a certain way - can make us subconsciously conform to what we feel is expected of us. Eg: act younger.

For example, take reverence in the workplace. An 18 year old would generally display more reverence to a 60 year old than a more fully fledged adult of 30 would. They might for example, be more shy, more inclined to ask for direction ect... but a lot of it will be things that we dont even pick up on that we are doing (body language ect).

And people I think subconsciously often interact differently based on age differences. In some countries like South Korea there is a perceived higher respect for people even a year older and different words used for ppl one year older vs one year younger used to show that respect. It isnt the same here of course but I think subconsciously, all societies may have things like that, just, more beneath the surface. More subliminal.

I know that often, older women are going to take issue with me acting 32 when I look much younger. So in the past I often automatically moderated my behaviour in order to appear more humble and respectful. Usually due to their social cues that that was what they wanted but I spmetimes catch myself doing it anyway because I just assume its what they will want. Doing so however is not a good ideas it in turn makes you seem younger and can influence the way they treat you.

So I try instead to maintain myself and not...lower myself to being extra extra respectful. But of course, it's a rock and a hard place. Because they may think you are being disrespectful because their idea of who you are vs how you actually are doesnt compute. They feel wrongfooted and as such, think you are not displaying perhaps, enough reverence.

Its basically a rock and a hard place situation sometimes.

And because so much of what ppl communicate to one another isnt even verbal and can be subconscious it's difficult to explain how people do react differently based on the perceived ages of others. And how not confirming to that can actually cause issues.

*act not cat lol

@Kanaloa in that situation yes! But the entire point is that a lot of people aren't asking or finding out your real age, are they? They're making assumptions. And if those assumptions lead them to treat you differently or not see you as a candidate for promotion, then that's having a serious impact on your career and your future. It's not light or funny.

@Kanaloa and no, it's not weird to say you think you'll be jabbed earlier than someone else when there's an entire conversation going on about jabs and timelines, no. If you think a conversation about jabs is weird in the middle of a global pandemic when people are desperate to get theirs done so they can feel safer, then not sure what to tell you.

@Pinkbonbon exactly!!! I know sometimes people are looking at me thinking "hmph she's a bit over confident for being so junior" or "she's acting like she knows it all" having no idea at all how old I actually am. As a woman in my mid thirties, I speak to adults of any age as if they're my peers. Many older people take umbrage with that if they've put me at mid twenties or younger. So yes, I find it's very chicken and egg...it often makes me act shyer and more deferential than I would usually be because otherwise people are unpleasant...and so it's a vicious circle.

I've been on the other side of it as well....when I was waitressing in my early twenties, I had a colleague I assumed was around my age. She looked very young, no wrinkles, seemed very cool/fashionable. I was mortified when I was told she was 40. I definitely wouldn't have talked to her the same way if I'd realised how much older than me she was. I'm sure she found some of the things I said very obnoxious given how much more life experience she had. And I notice people doing the same to me now...young men of 22 or 23 in their first job out of uni, speaking to me as if I'm their peer. You can just tell when someone thinks you're way younger than you are.

I get you OP. I used to have it when I was younger and I always felt no one took me seriously at work as they assumed I was the trainee.

Sadly life caught up on me in my 40s and I definitely don't look young for my age now . Although I'm still fairly wrinkle-free (late 50s)

@Mypatronusisacat.
It is hard work isnt it and not in a vain way at all .
Just more of a pissed off way

Give it 10 years and it'll stop happening and you'll miss it!