Pandemonium when DSC come, AIBU? Sick of it.

[Twosixseven]

I'm a few weeks away from giving birth to DC2, DC1 is 3. I also have two DSC ages 8.5 and 9.5

Youngest DSC suspected HF autism.

Whenever DSC come round the place descends into total pandemonium, screaming and shouting whilst running around and bouncing off the walls. Play fighting on the floor. Encouraging DS to engage in screeching games chasing in and out of rooms. Bouncing on beds and climbing on furniture. Somebody always ends up getting hurt and it's usually the youngest one. It's constant.

I stay out of the disciplining but try to regain some order by telling them to calm down, not scream and shout, stop doing that but it falls on deaf ears.

Words had with OH who tells them in excess of 10-15 times a day to keep it down a bit, stop this, stop that. It makes no difference whatsoever. They're wild. Noise lessens for a few minutes and then they're off again.

I'm absolutely shattered today and could have done with a nap when DS had one, no chance of that as roused by screeching after 5 minutes.

OH tells them off and the youngest shouts back. There is no control whatsoever.

AIBU to think this isn't acceptable or normal? Or do you allow your kids to behave like this? I'm sick of it.

@Twosixseven were the kids always like this?

Did you see what kind of dad he was before you had kids with him?

Implying you shouldn’t have had kids with someone who turned out to be like this is stupid and judgemental. She has a kid and expecting another, what solution are you putting forward with that? Sending op’s own children the way they come? Put up with such bad parenting and bad behaviour to death? Bonkers, you can’t predict the future and I suspect that 4-5 years ago, when the OP met them, the kids didn’t look that difficult to deal with being under 5.

Op, if you are still reading, you don’t have a SC problem, you have a relationship problem. I would dispute you are afraid of the ex kicking off and stoping contact as that would sort the problem for you. What you are afraid is of your partner, you are putting with all this crap to keep him happy, you know you have no rights in his eyes when it comes to his children behaviour, you are even afraid of talking to him.

I suggest marriage counselling. There is no way you are going to manage with a baby and a disabled children while having such uncontrollable disruption around you.

And stop convincing yourself that you should leave all the behaviour management to him, that only works when he is managing the behaviour effectively and in consideration to all members of the family. He isn’t, start creating the space and talk to the children about how the behaviour is affecting you. His dad is not going to do anything to parent them better as you are showing him that no matter how little he cares, you will put up with it.

Get an appointment with Relate.

[quote MzHz]@Twosixseven were the kids always like this?

Did you see what kind of dad he was before you had kids with him?[/quote]
And this helps how?

It’s a question @WoozySnoozy

If they’ve changed or if he was different then, but has abdicated all control, it’s relevant

It’s impossible now, it can’t always have been like this or she wouldn’t have stayed with him.

Children grow up and change and so dí circumstances. 4 years makes a lot of difference, putting up with boisterous /young children is not the same as putting up with boisterous pre teens when you have a child with autism and are pregnant. You can’t foresee these things until you get there, that’s why your question (and all others along the same thing) are so unhelpful, they imply it is OP’s fault by choosing the wrong man when she doesn’t have a crystal ball to see the future.

Honestly OP, as someone who has been in this situation for years, I’d also say vote with your feet. If they are not disciplined by anyone in their life now, imagine what they‘ll be like in the teenage years. It’s also very difficult for your kids to understand why they are not allowed to behave like this but there’s no consequences for SC. I wish I’d left years ago.

I was just asking, not implying anything

Many blokes get into a relationship and change

This means they can change back

Theoretically