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Original poster

Wish I had a better come-back to random man comment

298 replies

Shimmyingmetacos · 16/09/2021 12:46

In BP garage, buying a few bits for tea and kids snacks in the M&S shop there - as I was at the till, random man comes up behind me and says in a loud voice "Well you must be rich, doing your shopping here!". It caught be so off guard I didn't think fast enough and I just shrugged and ignored him. It felt like he was trying to embarrass me in front of everyone to be honest.

Now I can't help thinking how feckin rude that was and all the responses I should have said. Not that I need to justify my shop choice, but
as I had got fuel there, it saved me driving further to another supermarket, paying for parking etc.

Mumsnet - what should I have said?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 16/09/2021 14:28

@thisplaceisweird

What I've found to be the most effective (and easiest to blurt out) is:

... And??....

Makes dig a deeper hole and they end up embarrassing themselves or they give up, win win
Also means you don't need to defend yourself or explain yourself in anyway
It doesn't matter to anyone if you're rich or not, you don't need to make any further points for or against it

I don't think the man cared one iota about the ops financial situation...it was clearly a dig about the prices. It wasn't sexist ..just casual banter
Bashfull900 · 16/09/2021 14:29

Didn't read all the reply's so apologies if some already said this. You not saying anything was probably the right response. If had said something, even something rude, than he would seen it as -"banter" and an invitation to engage in further "banter". Whereas you just cut him dead and ruined his day.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 16/09/2021 14:31

@Bashfull900

Didn't read all the reply's so apologies if some already said this. You not saying anything was probably the right response. If had said something, even something rude, than he would seen it as -"banter" and an invitation to engage in further "banter". Whereas you just cut him dead and ruined his day.
Well that's certainly what we all strive to do, isn't it? Ruining someone else's day for daring to attempt a joke at the petrol station.
Rollycat · 16/09/2021 14:33

Similar to a PP, I’ve heard a male colleague moaning about people buying groceries in garages and ‘holding up the queue’. Which I don’t understand, I mean it’s a shop as well as a garage. So if you reckon he was being snide, then maybe that’s what it was about.

IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 14:34

@namechangetheworld

He was clearly making a joke about how expensive everything was. Unclench a bit.
But why would anyone think their ‘joke’ /witty aperçu was so funny they walked up behind a random person at a shop till to deliver it in a narked tone and at a volume pitched at the whole queue?

I mean, every woman alive is familiar with the disbelief of the Random Man Commenter that his wit and perception isn’t valued by the woman he’s just told his thoughts on her body/running gait/shopping basket/lack of smile/probable income, but let’s not pretend it’s anything other than annoying and sexist. The recipients of this kind of drollery aren’t the ones who need to change their behaviour.

OP, I wouldn’t waste my wit on comebacks. Just pretend not to hear, and make him repeat, then fail to hear again.

Pippapet · 16/09/2021 14:35

I would feel like you OP.

I was once buying something as a teenager in a shop wearing a white summer skirt (nothing special just a knee length white skirt) and a man at the till said loudly to me "OOOOH! ANYONE FOR TENNIS?!"

He wasn't being creepy exactly but it was the volume (loud) and the tone (slightly mocking) and I could just tell that he thought he could comment on me and I would be embarrassed and wouldn't say anything back (he was right) so he got to embarrass me at his leisure and enjoy my discomfort.

IntermittentParps · 16/09/2021 14:37

It wasn't sexist ..just casual banter
It was sexist though. Random Men don't say these things to other men.

In your position, OP, I'd deploy a cold stare and say, 'What?' mildly while holding eye contact.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 16/09/2021 14:37

I think you are too easily embarrassed! Just laugh it off and make a normal jokey comment back - something like “oh I know, I need to stop spending so much here” or some other rubbish. It’s just a random exchange, you don’t have to get all upset about it

Pippapet · 16/09/2021 14:38

But PS I agree with a PP on making him repeat it. "Sorry?" (I have a friend who says "Sorry?" in a sharp tone that suggests she is most definitely not sorry BUT THEY BETTER BE Grin)

Then do it again if you have the face for it. By the third time he'll be feeling stupid.

Comedycook · 16/09/2021 14:39

@IntermittentParps

It wasn't sexist ..just casual banter It was sexist though. Random Men don't say these things to other men.

In your position, OP, I'd deploy a cold stare and say, 'What?' mildly while holding eye contact.

No I disagree...I think that comment could be made by anyone to anyone. Just like how I joked about the price of the fairground ride with a random mum
IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 14:41

@IntermittentParps

It wasn't sexist ..just casual banter It was sexist though. Random Men don't say these things to other men.

In your position, OP, I'd deploy a cold stare and say, 'What?' mildly while holding eye contact.

Absolutely. Men seem curiously able to refrain from commenting on other men’s shopping, bottoms, facial expressions, addressing them as ‘love’ and ‘sweetheart’ etc.
Slippy78 · 16/09/2021 14:45

@IntermittentParps

It wasn't sexist ..just casual banter It was sexist though. Random Men don't say these things to other men.

In your position, OP, I'd deploy a cold stare and say, 'What?' mildly while holding eye contact.

They do say these things to other men though. I work in a petrol station and this happens all the time.
WhereYouLeftIt · 16/09/2021 14:45

@Fetchthevet

Just say Fuck off.

Keep life simple.

Grin
Pippapet · 16/09/2021 14:47

Comedycook it depends how it's said though ie facial expression, body language, voice volume, spontaneous remark or deliberate, etc.

It's not just the words themselves.

whycantwegoonasthree · 16/09/2021 14:48

"Fucking minted. It's great."

IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 14:50

@Comedycook, but you were presumably standing in the funfair next to the other woman, both of you having paid the extortionate fee to get in, therefore completely unlike the OP’s situation where a random man specifically approached her and made a loud jibe designed to draw attention to her presumed riches because she was buying things from the expensive bit of the service station, and he wasn’t.

Completely different. You would have had to walk up to someone going through the turnstile and loudly tell them in narked tones that they must be rich to go into the funfair to be at all equivalent.

LaetitiaASD · 16/09/2021 14:54

@Bumbl

Was he not making a joke about how expensive it is in there, rather than at your expense personally? That's maybe how I would have taken it.
It sounds to me like a harmless throw away comment. A pretty poor attempt at a light-hearted joke in the 10 seconds they were next to each other and before they both left the petrol station and went their separate ways for good.
LakieLady · 16/09/2021 14:56

"Indeed I am, my other car's a Bugatti Veyron".

DotBall · 16/09/2021 14:57

Some of these responses are absolutely batshit...I mean seriously "fuck off cxxx". Christ, so rude. It was clearly a joke about the prices they charge. Dear lord, we'll all be petrified to utter a word to each other soon. I was at a funfair recently and commented to a random mum waiting by a ride that we'd all have to remortgage to pay for it... luckily she didn't tell me to fuck off

Absolutely this. No wonder there is societal breakdown, nobody knows how to engage with others anymore. It’s all school gate angst and wariness of men in total. At least on MN.

In the real world, we have a banter and move on.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 16/09/2021 14:58

I'd have said, "Yes, I am, rich as fuck, thank you for asking".
Or
"That's right, my name is loadsamoney".

Buttercup54321 · 16/09/2021 14:58

I would have said "And? You're in here too!"

ScribblingPixie · 16/09/2021 15:00

@MacTootBlowsonHisBagpipes

He was probably pissed off about having to wait an extra few milliseconds in the queue behind you.

I have a (male) relative like this who seems to take it as a massive personal affront if anyone dares to actually buy something other than fuel in these shops.

It's this, isn't it? He walked up to you to show he didn't like waiting. I think a silent shrug was all that was merited/required.
Comedycook · 16/09/2021 15:02

I totally understand everyday sexism but I don't think this is it.

fuzzymoomin · 16/09/2021 15:04

Not everything needs a reaction or a response.
Was he really trying to embarrass you in front of the whole shop? Did he say it over the shop's tannoy? Or was he just saying something that came into his head at the moment he stood next to you? He sounds rude. But you shrugged it off and the moment passed, just let it go.

Derbee · 16/09/2021 15:05

I can’t believe you’re so over sensitive. I hate random comments from men a lot of the time, when they’re sexist etc.

He was clearly commenting on the price of stuff in the shop. It’s not personal. Very strange to be so bothered by it