Wish I had a better come-back to random man comment

[Shimmyingmetacos]

In BP garage, buying a few bits for tea and kids snacks in the M&S shop there - as I was at the till, random man comes up behind me and says in a loud voice "Well you must be rich, doing your shopping here!". It caught be so off guard I didn't think fast enough and I just shrugged and ignored him. It felt like he was trying to embarrass me in front of everyone to be honest.

Now I can't help thinking how feckin rude that was and all the responses I should have said. Not that I need to justify my shop choice, but
as I had got fuel there, it saved me driving further to another supermarket, paying for parking etc.

Mumsnet - what should I have said?

@PoolNooodle

I don’t think he was trying to embarrass you sounds like he was more commenting how expensive things were

This is how it comes across to me

@OneMoreForExtra

I'm collecting some of these brilliant responses to memorise as I never know what to say to intrusive judgement dressed up as friendliness.

The other day toddler DD was taken short while out and about, we were running Kate and she'd refused the loo 10 minutes previously when it was convenient you know the deal. We went behind some things down alley and I put my bag on top of the thing we were behind (connection box thing of some kind), which it immediately fell off onto the ground, and I couldn't retrieve it because my hands were full of a widdling DD. A passerby interrupted my while trying to sort her out to tell me to "watch your bag there dear" and I'm still wondering whether she expected me to drop DD on her puddle of wee to pick it up or that the bag would be rendered invisible by being 3 feet lower than I'd originally placed it. I'm still feeling hassled about it now!

"Thank you for your comment, random person" would have fitted the bill perfectly

And this required a shitty reply why exactly?

I just shrugged and ignored him.

I think that was actually the perfect response. You communicated exactly how little interest you had in engaging with him, and gave no material he could use to prolong the conversation.

I’d have smiled and laughed. Just because he was a ‘big man’ doesn’t automatically mean he was being a knob. It was just a light comment about how expensive the shop was 🤷🏻‍♀️ (BTW I know there is a big correlation between being a man and being a knob though 😂😂)

Even if he actually said something offensive I think it’s daft to try and come up with clever witty comments. MN loves them but they usually just play into the hands of whoever has made the offensive comment. They want a reaction so the best thing is to ignore it or minimise it. If it’s genuinely offensive it’s better to react really calmly and say something bland such as ‘careful with comments like that. I’m sure your didn’t mean it but some people could take it the wrong way”. That takes the power out of the comment but allows you to address it.

Getting angry or indignant doesn’t work.

People who say stupid things like that deserve to be ignored.

@TinnedPotatoesRock

If it's so harmless then why do men never direct their random comments at other men? I had a 'cheer up' and a 'smile' comment from 2 different men this morning - they wouldn't say that to a bloke

Those things are worlds apart though. What happened to you was sexist. What happened to the OP was a lame attempt at a joke/making chit chat.

@OneMoreForExtra

I'm collecting some of these brilliant responses to memorise as I never know what to say to intrusive judgement dressed up as friendliness.

The other day toddler DD was taken short while out and about, we were running Kate and she'd refused the loo 10 minutes previously when it was convenient you know the deal. We went behind some things down alley and I put my bag on top of the thing we were behind (connection box thing of some kind), which it immediately fell off onto the ground, and I couldn't retrieve it because my hands were full of a widdling DD. A passerby interrupted my while trying to sort her out to tell me to "watch your bag there dear" and I'm still wondering whether she expected me to drop DD on her puddle of wee to pick it up or that the bag would be rendered invisible by being 3 feet lower than I'd originally placed it. I'm still feeling hassled about it now!

"Thank you for your comment, random person" would have fitted the bill perfectly

Yeah this isn't the same thing, she was trying to be helpful wasn't she? She wasn't to know your bag had just fallen

“Well with that huge gut I doubt you could reach the shelves to buy anything”.

I think that shrug and ignore is a really good response

Ha ha. I’d have said

‘ I only came in because the Butler was sick ‘
‘ This is nothing! I’m off to Waitrose next’
‘ Mind your own, peasant ‘
‘ Well I had to sell my granny but the muffins are worth it’
‘ Yep I’m rich. Stinking rich. I’m head of a drugs cartel. We all shop in M&S.’

Definitely he was just having a laugh. Probably fancied you. Don’t be offended!

@HarrietsChariot

Loads of good comebacks:

"Does your carer let you go out on your own?"
"I've got ten kids so rake it in on benefits"
"Rich enough to know shopping in a BP garage isn't the height of sophistication"

Or a simple "Fxxx off, cunt" might do it.

These are a bit mean and aggressive though!

I love ‘random man’ threads I don’t know why but they tickle me.

I would have just kept the theme, and just replied with ‘why thank you for your concern over my shopping habits, random man’

Think the man's comment to op was more a comment on the prices in the garage rather than anything untoward. I wouldn't give any further thought to anything like that.
Only one thing annoyed me but made me laugh at the same time was when DS was a baby and we were putting him in the pram from his car seat, a woman who was getting into her car said 'ooh I love your Grandson's outfit, where was it from?!' We didn't bother correcting her either!

Or if at a loss for a quick retort I would have thrown one of my more vicious cats at him.

Definitely using this

Damn, was meant to have the random man comment quoted!!!

Women can be so viscous sometimes.

A person, if they are a guy, isn’t allowed to make general chit chat with others obviously.

And yes, of course he makes general chit chat with men too. General chit chat is just that, general! Some people like to be friendly.

Just like some women are sexist and shoot a friendly guy down because he has the front to chit chat to a women. He should stick with his own kind doesn’t he know!!

Best response was exactly what you did, OP. I would have done the same, tbh.

I'd have just laughed and said "I wish"!

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt as sounds like he was trying to crack a joke rather than be an arse

What I've found to be the most effective (and easiest to blurt out) is:

... And??....

Makes dig a deeper hole and they end up embarrassing themselves or they give up, win win
Also means you don't need to defend yourself or explain yourself in anyway
It doesn't matter to anyone if you're rich or not, you don't need to make any further points for or against it

Yes I am, now back to the palace 😂
Cheeky twat

Is the world really as unnecessarily rude and cruel as many of these responses would suggest?

I think he was having a dig in earshot of the staff about the inflated prices.

@RunningStrong

He was among a clumsy attempt at being funny/friendly and commenting on how expensive it is/that he himself can't afford it.

These little human interactions can make life sweeter if people aren't looking for offence where it's not intended all the time. These kind of responses make people scared to even try.

I know. Some of these responses are absolutely batshit...I mean seriously "fuck off cxxx". Christ, so rude. It was clearly a joke about the prices they charge. Dear lord, we'll all be petrified to utter a word to each other soon. I was at a funfair recently and commented to a random mum waiting by a ride that we'd all have to remortgage to pay for it... luckily she didn't tell me to fuck off.