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Original poster

Wish I had a better come-back to random man comment

298 replies

Shimmyingmetacos · 16/09/2021 12:46

In BP garage, buying a few bits for tea and kids snacks in the M&S shop there - as I was at the till, random man comes up behind me and says in a loud voice "Well you must be rich, doing your shopping here!". It caught be so off guard I didn't think fast enough and I just shrugged and ignored him. It felt like he was trying to embarrass me in front of everyone to be honest.

Now I can't help thinking how feckin rude that was and all the responses I should have said. Not that I need to justify my shop choice, but
as I had got fuel there, it saved me driving further to another supermarket, paying for parking etc.

Mumsnet - what should I have said?

OP posts:
Journeyofthedragons · 16/09/2021 18:42

However, if you all create a world where he's unable to pass the time of day with anyone, you have cancelled dozens of social interactions that some people will be glad of

What!

So women have to be made to feel uncomfortable?

He can talk to men if he feels he has to talk to someone.

IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 18:44

@RunningStrong

No one's saying OP was responsible for the man's happiness, I doubt very much if he's given a second thought to OP's response beyond she doesn't want to chat, that's fine.

However, if you all create a world where he's unable to pass the time of day with anyone, you have cancelled dozens of social interactions that some people will be glad of.

Well, maybe today he’s learned that walking up behind someone who is peacefully going about her business to make a loud, snarky remark about her presumed riches to the rest of the queue is not the way to get a chat going.
RunningStrong · 16/09/2021 18:46

@Journeyofthedragons

However, if you all create a world where he's unable to pass the time of day with anyone, you have cancelled dozens of social interactions that some people will be glad of

What!

So women have to be made to feel uncomfortable?

He can talk to men if he feels he has to talk to someone.

But some women would take it in the spirit it was offered.

If he'd said that to my Gran it would have brightened her day and led on to her "moaning" about managing on her pension, something about it being good to treat yourself now and then, DGC do love these biscuits, have you got children duck?.

And then she'd have something to tell me about the friendly man she met in the shop when I call later.

RunningStrong · 16/09/2021 18:48

OP isn't that person so she ignored him, which is fine. Telling him to fuck off and make sure he never does it again isn't.

placemats · 16/09/2021 18:51

@AICM
I recently told a man who was trying too hard to get me to sign up for a 'charity', walking alongside me for several metres, to 'Fuck Off' and then he had the audacity to look aggrieved when I did it.

AICM · 16/09/2021 19:03

Poor bloke

TheHuntingoftheSnark · 16/09/2021 19:06

I've decided that I'm going to reply "Fuck off, Taliban" to any intrusive random man comment because they are just trying to control women, like the Taliban, and it will really piss them off.

placemats · 16/09/2021 19:08

Well your sympathies lie with men obviously @AICM and not with women being hassled on the streets by men who can't take a polite no thank you for an answer.

Journeyofthedragons · 16/09/2021 19:09

@TheHuntingoftheSnark

I've decided that I'm going to reply "Fuck off, Taliban" to any intrusive random man comment because they are just trying to control women, like the Taliban, and it will really piss them off.
That'll teach 'em.
LimitIsUp · 16/09/2021 19:10

"But some women would take it in the spirit it was offered.

If he'd said that to my Gran it would have brightened her day and led on to her "moaning" about managing on her pension, something about it being good to treat yourself now and then, DGC do love these biscuits, have you got children duck?.

And then she'd have something to tell me about the friendly man she met in the shop when I call later."

Exactly!

Not denying that some men delight in belittling women and / or make intrusive comments, but I don't think it is unequivocal that this comment was of that ilk. I deeply resent the suggestion that a difference in interpretation makes me a handmaiden to the patriarchy - what a lot of (offensive and unsisterly) crap.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 16/09/2021 19:10

@TheHuntingoftheSnark

I've decided that I'm going to reply "Fuck off, Taliban" to any intrusive random man comment because they are just trying to control women, like the Taliban, and it will really piss them off.
Fucking Taliban, the lot of them.
TheHuntingoftheSnark · 16/09/2021 19:10

@GiveMeAUserName123

Women can be so viscous sometimes.

A person, if they are a guy, isn’t allowed to make general chit chat with others obviously.

And yes, of course he makes general chit chat with men too. General chit chat is just that, general! Some people like to be friendly.

Just like some women are sexist and shoot a friendly guy down because he has the front to chit chat to a women. He should stick with his own kind doesn’t he know!!

Not me. I drip all over the place.
IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 19:11

@AICM

Poor bloke
How much sympathy would you expect if you had the habit of making loud, sneery remarks to total strangers at petroleum station shops?
AICM · 16/09/2021 19:16

My comment was aimed at Placemats.

My sympathies depend on who was being unnecessarily rude. In this case you.

Journeyofthedragons · 16/09/2021 19:16

How much sympathy would you expect if you had the habit of making loud, sneery remarks to total strangers at petroleum station shops

Exactly, the sooner it's socially unacceptable (and hopefully criminal) for men to talk to women the better.

LimitIsUp · 16/09/2021 19:32

"Exactly, the sooner it's socially unacceptable (and hopefully criminal) for men to talk to women the better."

Love this

IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 19:37

@Journeyofthedragons

How much sympathy would you expect if you had the habit of making loud, sneery remarks to total strangers at petroleum station shops

Exactly, the sooner it's socially unacceptable (and hopefully criminal) for men to talk to women the better.

That's a dimwitted response. The random man didn't just mention the weather to the OP in the queue, he approached her to be deliberately and loudly snarky at her expense. The characterisation of him as a lonely, secretly sweet-natured type, haunting the BP garage in the hope of finding one human being to talk to, bears pretty much zero resemblance to what the OP clearly described as happening.
RedHelenB · 16/09/2021 19:41

You must have a good life is this is the only thing to upset you. It's chit chat.

StoppoChoco · 16/09/2021 19:57

@Journeyofthedragons

How much sympathy would you expect if you had the habit of making loud, sneery remarks to total strangers at petroleum station shops

Exactly, the sooner it's socially unacceptable (and hopefully criminal) for men to talk to women the better.

Well said, its outrageous. I'm putting together a change petition as we speak. The sooner this deviant behaviour is stamped out the better.
StoppoChoco · 16/09/2021 20:03

@NatBully

I was also wondering if he was making a point that you'd left your car at the pump?

My local Petrol Station pumps are always occupied by people doing their weekly shop inside.

I guess we may never know, but a strange man spoke to a woman, so he was obviously some kind of pervert.
rslsys · 16/09/2021 20:06

'Not as rich as you if you can afford BP fuel'

Original poster
Shimmyingmetacos · 16/09/2021 20:17

@RedHelenB

You must have a good life is this is the only thing to upset you. It's chit chat.
I didn't say it upset me, neither did I say its the only thing to upset me. what a pointless comment
OP posts:
derxa · 16/09/2021 20:21

@Beeinalily

But - surely HE was shopping there too? How strange!
Exactly. I would have laughed in acknowledgement
Original poster
Shimmyingmetacos · 16/09/2021 20:23

@NatBully

I was also wondering if he was making a point that you'd left your car at the pump?

My local Petrol Station pumps are always occupied by people doing their weekly shop inside.

Would be quite an aggressive response to that though. Yes my car was at the pump - along with everyone else who comes in to pay for fuel and most people pick up a couple of items too. I only had 5 items in my basket, not a trolley full! There are only a couple of extra spaces aside from the pumps.
OP posts:
StoppoChoco · 16/09/2021 20:40

Would be quite an aggressive response to that though. Yes my car was at the pump - along with everyone else who comes in to pay for fuel and most people pick up a couple of items too. I only had 5 items in my basket, not a trolley full! There are only a couple of extra spaces aside from the pumps.
Aggressive response. The bloke made a snarky comment because you were doing your shopping while people were waiting to use the pump. Its really inconsiderate behaviour and irritating to those waiting.