Wish I had a better come-back to random man comment

[Shimmyingmetacos]

In BP garage, buying a few bits for tea and kids snacks in the M&S shop there - as I was at the till, random man comes up behind me and says in a loud voice "Well you must be rich, doing your shopping here!". It caught be so off guard I didn't think fast enough and I just shrugged and ignored him. It felt like he was trying to embarrass me in front of everyone to be honest.

Now I can't help thinking how feckin rude that was and all the responses I should have said. Not that I need to justify my shop choice, but
as I had got fuel there, it saved me driving further to another supermarket, paying for parking etc.

Mumsnet - what should I have said?

I was in a similar situation many years ago, being constantly jeered at by idiots at my school. I sought the advice of a very wise man. His reply was:

"When a dog barks at you, do you bark back?"

This has served me very well over the years.

Christ. This sort of chat is part of everyday life in Britain. Cheery and friendly. And I'm the first to call out the 'cheer up love' type of patronising comments to women.

And to those who say he wouldn't have said to another bloke - yes he would. I hear comments like this frequently between men. Where on earth do you all live that you get offended by friendliness?

@speakout

Fuck off is my usual response.

I have actually seen large men have fear in their eyes when I move in closer and say it.

In all honesty, this comment makes you sound unhinged

Yes I am now move peasant

not said with a rye smile

😂

Agree with other posters. Sounds like it was a joke at how expensive M&S is. I would have simply laughed and said 'Oh I wish!' and then not given it a second thought.

@Olliphant

Why do people keep saying he was having a joke? It's not a vaguely funny or clever comment.

It's certainly not piss your pants funny but it was meant as a joke.

I think it’s just a clumsy way of trying to make convo / be funny (but failing). Don’t get your knickers in a twist about it

@TinnedPotatoesRock

If it's so harmless then why do men never direct their random comments at other men? I had a 'cheer up' and a 'smile' comment from 2 different men this morning - they wouldn't say that to a bloke

Exactly right. Many comments to the tune of

These little human interactions can make life sweeter if people aren't looking for offence where it's not intended all the time. These kind of responses make people scared to even try.

People are not looking to take offence; they don't as a rule care what complete strangers think of them. They do by and large, however, care greatly about themselves giving offence to said strangers when they approach them and foist their company/'humour' on them where it's not wanted.

I simply want to go about my daily business. I don't want to exchange witty quips with random male strangers: I specify male, because this is the sex class which statistically, overwhelmingly, poses a threat to the other sex class (mine). As for them being scared even to try approaching a random, lone female (it only ever happens to me when I'm alone) then fine. Let them be scared. After all, when it's women who are scared, no one seems to take a whole lot of notice.

Let Random Man go exchange those quips with another Random Man. But I'm betting my bottom dollar that, 8x out of 10, they won't. Funny, that.

@speakout

Fuck off is my usual response.

I have actually seen large men have fear in their eyes when I move in closer and say it.

oooooh you're hard!

I have an acquaintance who always makes snide comments about my lifestyle and spending. I don’t justify it to him, as I simply don’t need to. My finances are none of his concern. One day he commented “it must be great to have money” after I had said I was getting my bathroom renovated. I beamed at him and said “yes, it is actually” and he hasn’t commented since.

@speakout

Fuck off is my usual response.

I have actually seen large men have fear in their eyes when I move in closer and say it.

Do you, aye..😂

OP "it wasn't like he happened to be standing right next to me - he was waiting in line 2m behind and decided to walk right up to the till where I was buying my stuff, comment and then move on to the next open till 2 tills away"

This is what would make it unnerving or intrusive for me. In a shop full of other people that he could just as easily comment to.

I think a shrug and no reply is best. The only time I've shopped in BP petrol station for (their very expensive) food is when my mum was dying in a huge hospital nearby and I had no time to get to the supermarket then do school pick-up, and I certainly wouldn't have welcomed any comment by anybody. Having said that, I wouldn't have resented the comment so much from a woman.

I take it you're not a northerner?! Those who aren't, tend to have a limited sense of humor in my experience.

*Bluntness

Do you, aye..😂*

Yes, because it is unexpected.
I am a nearly 60 unassumming bespactacled small women nearing old age.

Telling a large man half my age to fuck off is not a response they expect- it usually catches them quite off guard

@speakout

Fuck off is my usual response.

I have actually seen large men have fear in their eyes when I move in closer and say it.

I actually agree with this. After the whole #MeToo movement, I stopped putting up with men heckling, whistling at me etc and very coldly and calmly told them to stop talking to me. The amount of men who backed off instantly was incredible. They actually physically recoiled. It’s not always your size that makes people back off. Remember the petite woman who scared off a group of men from attacking another man on a train?

@speakout

In all seriousness, please be careful. Most large men are not actually physically frightened of women. The look you describe is probably not fear but bewilderment. Most men aren't scared of women...they know they are physically stronger than us. One day you could tell a man to fuck off and he'll respond violently. Not victim blaming but be sensible.

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP

Honestly, I would've visibly laughed and said "Couldn't be bothered going to !!" and smiled at him. But then that's how people are around here.
I'm currently sat in Doctors waiting room wiping my brow and a man has just walked past and said "Bit warm, isn't it?! so I responded "Too warm for me!" so he said "Yeah it's humid! Muggy" to which we all agreed.

Just random stranger-banter! Don't take any offense fgs

@Journeyofthedragons

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP

Yes, I can’t believe how upsetting it must have been to have someone you didn’t know speak to you in a shop. It doesn’t bear thinking about. I hope the police start more patrols in and around M&as

@Journeyofthedragons

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP

Comedycook

It is a risk I am willing to take. I agree with Meraas It’s not always your size that makes people back off.
I have had a lifetime of men heckling me and fed up of being told to smile sweetly.

If I get punched, then so be it- that will end up on his criminal record- not mine.
I have little fear.