to think this workplace situation is completely inappropriate?

[Lu781]

Man in senior management position, mid 40s. Was previously responsible for training and mentoring junior member of staff, but once she had moved to another department (but still a trainee) instigated a sexual relationship with her, despite his position within the company and living with a woman (claimed it was a platonic relationship)

The junior - early 20s but very naive/ sexually and emotionally inexperienced, had never had a boyfriend nor had sex (or gone further than kissing).

The 'relationship' ended after a few months when he decided she was too young for him, after which the junior ended up out of a job. Not as a direct result, but it certainly didn't help matters.

Was this inappropriate on his part? (or indeed both their parts?)

2 adults had a relationship. They met through work but did not work in same team whilst dating.
It did not work out.
End. Of. Story.
Move on, nothing to see here.
Why are you so invested OP? Are you the young person in question and he did not dump the platonic friend to live with you? He's prob a jerk. Better to know that sooner rather than later.

I agree with you OP, it was inappropriate, he was her manager and there’s a different power dynamics there, whilst still being in a senior management position he did instigate a relationship with her, whether she was in a different department or not that difference in position would have still been there. I also feel he groomed her in a way

Are you the girls parent.?

She’s a grown woman so it’s fine, unless you’re saying she had additional needs and was unable to make decisions? Ie she lacked capability?

Assuming a law firm, then yes the SDT does seem to have views on this. However to take action they would have to prove that the senior manager was bringing the profession into disrepute. This would likely involve inappropriate behaviour in the office itself or the manager unduly influencing decisions he should excuse himself from after declaring their relationship. They are unlikely to do anything about the age gap alone.

@StoppoChoco

Agree with some other posters, there's a power imbalance and it looks like he's used his position in the hierarchy to have sex with a young woman. Maybe professionally this is within company guidelines, but is just a bit eurghh... and I would privately judge him to be a bit of a slime ball.

It’s as a relationship that lasted several months, unless she had additional needs fhen she was a grown woman in her twenties able to make decisions.

not think there's any difference between someone who has, say, been involved in a number of serious relationships since their teens, and another person who has had no such experiences, and just kissed a few guys at parties?

Can you imagine writing a set of rules for how experienced someone would have to be? Can you see how that is unworkable?

Relationships in the chain of command absolute no no. Relationships elsewhere, fair enough.

I work in a very large organisation, where sometimes it seems everyone other than me is either married to or related to someone else.

It was inappropriate - most companies would be very hot on this now as there is a structural power imbalance which creates the risk that the younger more junior employee feels coerced into the relationship.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-50283720

@Gazelda

I think his actions were ill advised.

Her actions were naive, but she is responsible for her part in the relationship and shouldn't now be looking to lay 'blame' anywhere.

this

It’s as a relationship that lasted several months, unless she had additional needs fhen she was a grown woman in her twenties able to make decisions
Would you be ok with your daughter having a relationship with a man old enough to be her dad, that had formerly been in a mentorship/ guiding position to her ?

Hi OP. I had a relationship in a workplace with someone ten years younger than me, and more junior. We did not work directly together, but he was more junior than me. I agree that some workplace relationships can be exploitative, but we do spend significant time at work, and mostly such relationships are fine. a twenty year age gap between an early 20s woman and a map is significant, but not necessarily exploitative.

Icky, inappropriate, but if not against company rules, best chalked up to experience.

The difference in power dynamics, not just because of his position, but also age, demonstrate that.

Sadly she won’t be the first or last woman to be in this situation. In any relationship at work, if it doesn’t work out, the fall out will usually be harder on the woman.

His behaviour seems predacious and inappropriate within the workplace. Keep the meeting up to after work and at weekend meets. Obviously he couldn't do this because he was already in a relationship. However, I think this young woman needs to learn from this, a harsh lesson I know, but she's probably better off out of there and a better employment will happen. He should not in any way influence her reference for future employment.

What doe you mean by "was it inappropriate"? Do you mean do we think it's a bit icky, or should it be a disciplinary matter for him at work?

For me, they get very different answers. My work doesn't care about my sex life, nor should it. If he got her sacked or subjected her to bullying or harrassment that's different, but "just" cheating on his wife with her or breaking up with her is neither.

Well, a line is drawn (usually at 18) when a woman becomes an adult. That doesn’t mean they are no longer vulnerable to manipulative men. And it doesn’t mean they suddenly become experienced and ‘worldly’. Sexually experienced or not.

So while technically people are correct when they counter argue with “two consenting adults etc etc”, the fact is, creepy blokes hone in on an easy target like a laser. Bonus points if she’s of age, and there’s no explicit rules forbidding a liaison.

So yes. I vote inappropriate.

Is the young girl you? Otherwise how would you know so much about thier sexual experience?

It sounds like the boss definitely took advantage.

I think it's inappropriate yeah, the women almost always are the losers too in these situations

What is it to do with you op?

@Lu781

Do you not think there's any difference between someone who has, say, been involved in a number of serious relationships since their teens, and another person who has had no such experiences, and just kissed a few guys at parties?

A whole new complication to dating, comparing your dating CV before you can consider seeing each other.

@StoppoChoco

It’s as a relationship that lasted several months, unless she had additional needs fhen she was a grown woman in her twenties able to make decisions Would you be ok with your daughter having a relationship with a man old enough to be her dad, that had formerly been in a mentorship/ guiding position to her ?

None of the parents business. The thought of my mother having to approve a boyfriend when I was in my 20s is cringe. Having said that at 21 I was married, had two kids, a job and a mortgage so dating anyone wasn't an issue.

At my company the mentoring relationship would make it potential gross misconduct on his part.

Inappropriate on both sides. Her experience doesn’t matter - she is a grown up person, presumably without learning difficulties if she can hold an adult job, she can make her own judgement calls too (experienced or not). Would be different if she was a teenager of course. You don’t need experience in relationships to understand that sleeping with a senior person at work is not a good idea.

It’s a bit sleazy at worst. Nothing you can or should legislate for.

The lack of relationship experience doesn't make a difference, as long as she is an adult it's fine. Relationships in work are common where I work, not all are at the same level in the company. They are both responsible.

It sounds like they were both unwise but its none of your business. Adults can lawfully make unwise choices. Sometimes they get hurt.
The ending up out of a job is something for the young woman to persue if she thinks she's got a case. She should seek the support of a union.