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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD/AIBU - Pulling the on Grandparents childcare

310 replies

WalkingDead02 · 16/09/2021 07:21

Hi all, I am after a bit of advice as I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Currently DH and I work full time, we have a 2 year old DS who is looked after by in laws for 3 days a week and my parents for 1. He goes to nursery for the other day. We love about 45 mins - 1hr away from my parents, so DS goes there on a Sunday night ready for Monday.

My parents are forever moaning that they have no time to themselves, to make friends or take up hobbies as all the do is look after grandkids. We currently take him there at around 2pm on a Sunday, I have a catch up with them before leaving ar around 3pm. They are now asking that he be taken there for between 4pm/5pm on a Sunday night as the afternoon and then the following day is too much for them. Both DH and I are getting fed up with them moaning and forever changing what they want. Now he wont be getting there until late on a Sunday and I wont be getting home until late either, which doesn't seem fair.

We are considering pulling the plug and just putting him into nursery on a monday, to save hassle all round.

My question is, WWYD and AIBU?

OP posts:
rolyisntittimefor · 16/09/2021 09:33

YABU. 2pm is an extra half day on the Sunday and precludes them from doing anything on that day?!

They aren't "moaning" they are pointing out valid issues in a childcare arrangement that you seem to think you are entitled to.

Obviously put him in nursery.

lechatnoir · 16/09/2021 09:37

I'm Ignoring the fact you sound incredibly entitled. My folks used to look after my youngest on a Monday and also lived 45 mins away - most weeks we'd take her down in pjs at bedtime, she'd fall asleep in the car and we'd transfer when we arrived, stop for a quick catch up whilst she resettled and be home by 8:30/9. This didn't interfere with their day, they didn't have to do the whole tea/bedtime rigmarole so worked much better than when we came at teatime I still can't believe you dump her at 3 o'clock and then wonder why your parents are pissed off
Occasionally they come and stay at ours or very occasionally one of us might start work an hour or so later so they could drive to us and not have to leave at the crack of dawn and of course sometimes we have to take a day off if they had unavoidable plans or were going on holiday.
I think you're forgetting they are doing you a massive favour, saving you a fortune in childcare and benefiting your child by having a lovely relationship with grandparents & not in a formal setting. If you don't make it easy for them it will quickly become a chore and source of resentment.

LowbrowVictoriana · 16/09/2021 09:48

@Gazelda

If your Parents are cutting their hours, then I presume they're cutting their fee too?

Or am I misunderstanding the arrangement?

😂
callmeadoctor · 16/09/2021 09:49

When do you actually see your child?

Pompom2367 · 16/09/2021 09:53

I think taking him in Sunday at 3 pm is far to early you either need to take him Monday or put him in child care

Motherdare · 16/09/2021 09:57

So you don’t see the child all week then you want to dump him on someone else from lunchtime on Sunday? YABU. Stop abusing the free childcare and pay your way like most parents.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 16/09/2021 10:05

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

To be fair, the op is complaining that he/she has to have their own child for 1.5 days too.
toothpicklover · 16/09/2021 10:17

I reckon this is a clippity clop thread

arethereanyleftatall · 16/09/2021 10:37

Joke thread. Of course Yabu.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/09/2021 10:40

I lve thought of a way you might not be being unreasonable- did both your sets of parents ask you to have a surrogate child for them to look after all the time whilst you and your dh carried on your normal lives?

Ashitaka · 16/09/2021 10:41

2pm until Monday evening is a lot

How late would you be back home if dropping at 4??

knittingaddict · 16/09/2021 10:46

@EatYourVegetables

Put in nursery. Clearly they don’t want to do this.

Just to add that I find grandparents who moan about having their grandkid over for 1.5 days “too much” and saying they “don’t get any time for themselves and their hobbies” really sad. What fucking hobbies take more than 5.5 days are more important than a relationship with grandkids? But I’ll get flamed for that view on MN.

Nasty!

We do regular childcare for our grandchildren. The 1.5 days wouldn't be a problem, but the timing would be. It would mean that we couldn't go away for the weekend or take a lengthy trip out on a Sunday, couldn't go out for Sunday lunch. Every week doing this would have a serious impact on our ability to enjoy our childfree status.

It's weird that you think grandparents can only have a good relationship with their grandchildren if it involves childcare that conveniences the parents first and foremost.

knittingaddict · 16/09/2021 10:47

@toothpicklover

I reckon this is a clippity clop thread
Wouldn't be surprised.
Granllanog · 16/09/2021 10:54

This can't be real.............it is incredibly cheeky to expect your parents to have your child from Sunday afternoon. Of course you should fit in with them if you want free childcare............
Drop off your dc in pjs ready for bed on Sunday night and appreciate the help you are getting or pay for nursery.

olidora63 · 16/09/2021 10:55

What is a clippity clop thread🤔

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2021 10:58

It doesn't seem fair on you? You realise they're helping you out not the other way round?

AryaStarkWolf · 16/09/2021 10:58

@olidora63

What is a clippity clop thread🤔
I think clippity clop is referring to trolls
Nc123 · 16/09/2021 11:01

Put him in nursery.

My MIL was very keen to do a days childcare of my first (I would never have asked her to as didn’t want to impose but she insisted) but was constantly wanting me to leave for work late or pick up early and it became more hassle for me than helpful. She also started to cancel from time to time to do other things and that would leave me up shit creek as didn’t have other options. All round it just did not work and when I was pregnant with my second I ended it.

knittingaddict · 16/09/2021 11:06

@olidora63

What is a clippity clop thread🤔
Clip clip, clip clop over the bridge.
knittingaddict · 16/09/2021 11:07

Clip clop, clip clop over the bridge.

Blush
Marmite27 · 16/09/2021 11:08

Just put him in nursery

LowbrowVictoriana · 16/09/2021 11:08

Surely it's trip trapping over the bridge? Smile

crumpet · 16/09/2021 11:11

I had expected that you would be taking him in his pyjamas, after tea on Sunday. A full half day on Sunday is a bit much to ask when you are not working on that day. The point of the childcare is to help you during your working hours.

crumpet · 16/09/2021 11:12

Probably is a troll, but there you go

Strangevipers · 16/09/2021 11:12

Aww your poor parents.

They offered a solution to save you money and to allow the children to be with family rather than nursery and for them to build a bond

.... and they have tried but it's just too much for then and just not working so they have offered you another option.

They obviously want to see your DC so are tying to find another way for it to work and you want to spite them and spite yourself by putting your DC in nursery.

If your child being in nursery is better for your child than being with your parents then fine that makes sense butbif it's just because your parents aren't doing what you want and your having a temper tantrum then I say you will regret stopping your DC having a strong bond with their grandparent

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