Male midwives - aibu

[Ikeasucks]

My 27 yr old niece is pregnant and we were discussing the coming birth - she said she would like to put female only midwife on her birthing plan but is worried how the staff, her friends etc will react as one “friend” told her she was being sexist and bigoted for taking that view. Aibu in thinking it’s perfectly fine and understandable for women to want another woman at such a time - it it’s possible

If someone is dealing with me in my personal space and my private parts then for sure it is my right to be able to specify that the person is male or female. I have no problem with male midwives or gynaecologists etc, but absolutely all people should be able to say they do not want a member of the opposite sex doing their care. The same goes for men.

I had a traumatic birth and then ten people came in and I can't tell you if they were male or female but if she needs assistant from a doctor or surgeon or consultant she needs to be prepared for a male.

Not sure what happens if they or non gender specific though

There are many reasons why women would like to choose who provides them intimate care. I choose to ask to have a woman, many women do. I don’t know any woman who refused help from a male professional if it was the only option when the situation called for intervention.
Most who did receive a males intervention are grateful. Still doesn’t mean they can’t make a request for a female and hope that they don’t need any intervention.

Men who go into midwifery, lactation consultancy, gynaecology etc, they go into it because they have a passion for it.

So their passion is more important of the feelings of the women they will be treating?

I wouldn't want a male midwife. I had female community midwives who were all fantastic. Planned c-sections and incidentally both babies were delivered by female obstetricians. I think that women should be encouraged to go into obstetrics and gynaecology with added incentives to do so, given that the majority of women would feel more comfortable with female HCP's.

And male lactation consultants? FFS the last thing i would have wanted when struggling to bf would have been a man trying to show me- how could he possibly know what I was going through? I needed empathy and understanding from someone who had been through the same.

It isn't sexist to say that for reasons of dignity, comfort and wellbeing, that in some situations women need other women and not the involvement of men.

@Ugzbugz

I had a traumatic birth and then ten people came in and I can't tell you if they were male or female but if she needs assistant from a doctor or surgeon or consultant she needs to be prepared for a male.

Not sure what happens if they or non gender specific though

so because of your experience your happy to take the choice away from millions of other women... ok.

We’re all supposed to pretend that a male with a passion for lactation is cool.

No thank you.

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind

Men who go into midwifery, lactation consultancy, gynaecology etc, they go into it because they have a passion for it.

So their passion is more important of the feelings of the women they will be treating?

I wouldn't want a male midwife. I had female community midwives who were all fantastic. Planned c-sections and incidentally both babies were delivered by female obstetricians. I think that women should be encouraged to go into obstetrics and gynaecology with added incentives to do so, given that the majority of women would feel more comfortable with female HCP's.

And male lactation consultants? FFS the last thing i would have wanted when struggling to bf would have been a man trying to show me- how could he possibly know what I was going through? I needed empathy and understanding from someone who had been through the same.

It isn't sexist to say that for reasons of dignity, comfort and wellbeing, that in some situations women need other women and not the involvement of men.

Would you have an issue with a childfree midwife? Or a female lactation consultant who had children but never breastfed them? Having the same body parts does not mean they will understand or show more empathy.

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind

Men who go into midwifery, lactation consultancy, gynaecology etc, they go into it because they have a passion for it.

So their passion is more important of the feelings of the women they will be treating?

I wouldn't want a male midwife. I had female community midwives who were all fantastic. Planned c-sections and incidentally both babies were delivered by female obstetricians. I think that women should be encouraged to go into obstetrics and gynaecology with added incentives to do so, given that the majority of women would feel more comfortable with female HCP's.

And male lactation consultants? FFS the last thing i would have wanted when struggling to bf would have been a man trying to show me- how could he possibly know what I was going through? I needed empathy and understanding from someone who had been through the same.

It isn't sexist to say that for reasons of dignity, comfort and wellbeing, that in some situations women need other women and not the involvement of men.

yes because every male lactation consultant grew up wanting to work on the latch on womens breasts... oh wait..

Its bad when men take away womens choices but even worse when its women advocating for those men to do that. Jesus

@Onyernelly

We’re all supposed to pretend that a male with a passion for lactation is cool.

No thank you.

I never said that. I responded to someone who implied that a male lactation consultant was creepy. You do realise that there are women who work in male reproductive health...

@XenoBitch - no I wouldn't because when I got my cracked sore bleeding nipples out to a women lactation consultant and told her how shit I felt at being a mother I would feel safe.

I'd also know that's its extremely unlikely for a childless midwife to go home and have a wank whilst watching child sexual abuse and women getting strangled.

Its really odd you dont get that. The misogyny in you must run deep.

Considering there are pages and pages of articles relating to transmen and non binary people giving birth and all their rights etc then it would only seem appropriate that this request should be honoured .

[quote Evesgarden]@XenoBitch - no I wouldn't because when I got my cracked sore bleeding nipples out to a women lactation consultant and told her how shit I felt at being a mother I would feel safe.

I'd also know that's its extremely unlikely for a childless midwife to go home and have a wank whilst watching child sexual abuse and women getting strangled.

Its really odd you dont get that. The misogyny in you must run deep.[/quote]
It is extremely unlikely for a male midwife to do that too. Unless you think all men who work in female reproductive health are like that.

@saleorbouy

A round of applause for equality, most of you are dismissing a trained professional midwife (should this even be a job title anymore?) purely on gender. Would you also send out a male gynogologist? I'm sure the doctor who performed my vasectomy would not have been impressed if i'd turned her away because of her gender and neither would you MN ladies. This is equality, men performing traditionally womens roles and vice versa you can't pick and choose!

Oh please explain more things to us. We are not worthy.

@XenoBitch ones just been up in court for doing that very same thing. so no its not extremely unlikely is it.

[quote Evesgarden]@XenoBitch ones just been up in court for doing that very same thing. so no its not extremely unlikely is it.[/quote]
One... out of how many who work in the field? Women are also hauled up in court for horrendous things too. The extremes make the news so you hear about them. You don't hear about the ones who just get on harmlessly with their job.. the ones who have done nothing wrong at all.

I do wonder at men opting to be a lactation consultant as i would wonder at a man applying to be a rape councillor in a female rape crisis centre ir to be a girl guide leader to little girls

@Evesgarden so you enforce more stereotypes on this. I don’t teach my daughter to be afraid of males, I ensure she learns that people can be dangerous. She has seen a school friend the day after he was mugged by males. She has seen a girl with scratches over her face, done by other girls.

Yes, statistics show that males are more often sexual predators and abusers than females. But there is also a huge grey area as not a lot of males will confess to being abused.

Are you also against male nursery staff? Male primary school teacher?

I am not saying that women or female children shouldn’t have the right to choose a female councellor or medical staff. But I question if it is not also important to teach that not all males are predators.

Just out of interest. Would she insist on a female surgeon if she had to have a hysterectomy or a breast removed?

Or if she needed her appendix out would that be ok for a male surgeon because he has an appendix?

Or if she was involved in an accident and the paramedics arrived, would she refuse to be saved by a male?

Should men having prostate operations only be seen by men?

Not meaning to be goady, just trying to work out what the difference is.

It feels wrong to say that you'd like a specific sex, however it absolutely isn't.

Yes in an ideal world, no woman would have any problem with males providing intimate care and vice versa, but there are many, very valid reasons for women requesting other women.

It feels wrong because I can't think of many situations where saying you only want to be helped by someone of a certain sex would be acceptable. Like, if I said I only wanted male pilots or female accountants, I'd be (rightly so) told I was discriminating based on sex. However when it comes to intimate procedures, the patient being calm and comfortable should be a priority.

And it isn't saying you don't want a male because you think women are better because they're women, it's saying you'd prefer a women because they need to be all up close in your vulva.

@Ikeasucks

I do wonder at men opting to be a lactation consultant as i would wonder at a man applying to be a rape councillor in a female rape crisis centre ir to be a girl guide leader to little girls

Why do you wonder about a man wanting to train as a lactation consultant? Would you be doubtful about a childfree woman doing the same?

Not all males are predators, sure.
But that's not at all the same thing as women having boundaries and consent.

But I question if it is not also important to teach that not all males are predators

I don’t think all males are predators. I don’t want a man putting his finger up my bottom - I soon made it clear that wasn’t happening in A&E - nor do I want a male ob/gynae. There are plenty of female doctors to treat me and I reserve my right to choose to have one.

Ah that old chestnut.. but women do bad things too...

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/midwife-ronald-lock-struck-pregnant-women-southmead-hospital-bristol-oral-sex-good-their-health-a6989631.html

Here is another one - Ronald Lock 48 thought it would be a good idea to tell pregnant women that oral sex would give them absorb extra "protein'..

@XenoBitch

[quote Evesgarden]@XenoBitch ones just been up in court for doing that very same thing. so no its not extremely unlikely is it.[/quote]
I don't think you understand what likelihood is.

People win the lottery almost every week. So, according to you, winning the lottery isn't unlikely.