Male midwives - aibu

[Ikeasucks]

My 27 yr old niece is pregnant and we were discussing the coming birth - she said she would like to put female only midwife on her birthing plan but is worried how the staff, her friends etc will react as one “friend” told her she was being sexist and bigoted for taking that view. Aibu in thinking it’s perfectly fine and understandable for women to want another woman at such a time - it it’s possible

I was under the care of a male midwife on post natal ward. He was fucking atrocious - it’s not that hard to breastfeed - are you even trying we’re amongst some of his gems. That alone would put me off in the future.

Would you also send out a male gynogologist?

Yes.

Going by this tread there seems to be loads of male midwives and most are better than female midwives.

I never did a birth plan, but I had wanted a female midwife and birth team. But didnt request it etc. In the end my birth turned into an emergency and a consultant (male) had to come in to deliver my baby quickly and then stitch me up etc. I was just so thankful they had the emergency team on hand and that me and baby were safe. The care I received was outstanding and I didn't care if it was a man or woman. I was so grateful for the care and professionalism I received.

My experience of consultants during my high risk pregnancy was that the male ones were better than ever female who was abrupt and rough on internals. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. I would rather have a man than a trainee and won’t give permission for a trainee to touch me ever again. I’ve done my bit for training and have the scars to prove it.

@Loudestcat14

There are also male lactation consultants with is just a fucking joke frankly. And yes it does make me wonder why these males seek these roles out.

What an abhorrent comment to make.

I agree, it is truly abhorrent.

Men who go into midwifery, lactation consultancy, gynaecology etc, they go into it because they have a passion for it. They don't go into it so they can have a perv. No one in medicine does. No HCP does.
The best gynae surgeons where I live are male. Most of the surgeons in that department were male.

After a botched birth I asked next time for a competent, experienced and kind midwife. The difference was incredible. I don't mind whether hcps are male or female but I always expect competent and kind. I may broker experience if the other two are evident.

It's an unusual view but I prefer a male gynaecologist.

I always request females but I've had some really dodgy experiences in a usually female environment with male HCPs so I just feel a lot more comfortable since.

@Ikeasucks

Going by this tread there seems to be loads of male midwives and most are better than female midwives.

I think it's more to dismiss other women's feelings and pander to men.

@Toottooot

I was under the care of a male midwife on post natal ward. He was fucking atrocious - it’s not that hard to breastfeed - are you even trying we’re amongst some of his gems. That alone would put me off in the future.

I am willing to bet there are some awful female midwives that have come out with similar too. What next, insist midwives have their own personal birthing and breastfeeding experience to be able to qualify?

Men who go into midwifery, lactation consultancy, gynaecology etc, they go into it because they have a passion for it. They don't go into it so they can have a perv. No one in medicine does

Wow, Said so confidently but is so terrifyingly ignorant and blinkered.

@XenoBitch

Experience doesn’t make you an expert on anything.

Why do you object so strongly to women exercising their right to choose who provides them intimate care?

It's her preference. Personally I wouldn't be bothered. I remember a few days or so before I had DS a male come into the room (I was in for bp problems and overdue). I thought he was a doctor, likely he was as he was dressed like one but he performed an Internal examination. Didn't bother me but it may bother some people.

[quote Onyernelly]@XenoBitch

Experience doesn’t make you an expert on anything.

Why do you object so strongly to women exercising their right to choose who provides them intimate care?[/quote]
I never said women can not exercise their right to choose who provides their intimate care.
The PP I responded to seemed to be offended that a male would work as a lactation consultant. Maybe read what I said and was responding to.

I think make midwives would be used to it and understand but make her aware that in the end I had difficulties and needed 2 consultants that were both male. There was also a male doctor observing. By that stage I couldn't have cared less who was in the room I was so desperately get her out

@XenoBitch

I read what you said and understood it clearly. I still think you’re ignorant and a handmaiden to boot.

@Doomscrolling

Far and away my best birth experience was an all female team. It wasn't something 'done to me' it was something I was a part of. It made a difference to my recovery of the previous birth traumas.

No woman should ever feel bad about requesting female HCPs.

Exactly the same here, Doom. My 2nd birth, all female team, was night and day from the 1st, with a male ob-gyn running the show.

[quote Onyernelly]@XenoBitch

I read what you said and understood it clearly. I still think you’re ignorant and a handmaiden to boot.[/quote]
A handmaiden? Well, that is the weirdest thing to use an insult tbh.

If you think men go into the field of reproductive health to sneak a look at vaginas and go to have wank in the toilet, then go right ahead. That is far from the truth, and it sounds like you have massive trust issues with men. I hope you get help for that.

@XenoBitch
I am willing to bet there are some awful female midwives that have come out with similar too.
What next, insist midwives have their own personal birthing and breastfeeding experience to be able to qualify?

Oh fuck off - that is not what I said at all. The midwife who actually delivered my child was freshly qualified and had no children of her own. So going by what you said I would have refused to have her and the second midwife who also had no children in the room as they had no experience in giving birth.

I don’t think that. I never said that.
But don’t let that stop you talking shit. 🤷‍♀️

@XenoBitch

@XenoBitch

Doesn’t let the truth get in the way of a good story…..

When my father had carers he could NOT opt for male but female customers could opt for female only carers, so its not fair across the whole health/caring industry sector

[quote Toottooot]@XenoBitch
I am willing to bet there are some awful female midwives that have come out with similar too.
What next, insist midwives have their own personal birthing and breastfeeding experience to be able to qualify?

Oh fuck off - that is not what I said at all. The midwife who actually delivered my child was freshly qualified and had no children of her own. So going by what you said I would have refused to have her and the second midwife who also had no children in the room as they had no experience in giving birth.[/quote]
I said "what next?" not agree with the slippery slope that people can refuse on the basis a particular HCP on the basis they don't have personal experience with their specialism.

It's personal choice but I've never understood the fact some people are funny about a male midwife but have no issue with most OB's /consultants being male.

Both my ds's ended up having to be delivered by a OB due to unexpected complications at the end of my labours.

@saleorbouy

A round of applause for equality, most of you are dismissing a trained professional midwife (should this even be a job title anymore?) purely on gender. Would you also send out a male gynogologist? I'm sure the doctor who performed my vasectomy would not have been impressed if i'd turned her away because of her gender and neither would you MN ladies. This is equality, men performing traditionally womens roles and vice versa you can't pick and choose!

@saleorbuy See you confuse that fact that women should think like you with equality. And you have made the point well!

Men rape women - that's some of us dont want them in the labour ward. Women have been taught to be wary of men - and rightly so! Y'know when we tell our young daughters to not walk down that dark alley way at night..

Also the male midwife that has just been up in court for making and having child sex abuse on his computer - he also had a fetish for strangulation - did you know he was the resuss officer also?

But yes equality should happen but not at the expense of vulnerable women - like men insisting on being women rape councillors...