Surrogacy makes me very uncomfortable

[HermioneKipper]

I was listening to Giovanna Fletcher’s podcast with H from Steps and hearing them talk about him using a surrogate for his twins made me feel very uncomfortable.

It’s essentially renting a woman’s body to buy a baby.

I understand the woman must’ve consented but she was paid and it doesn’t take into account the risk she was putting her body through. Pregnancy and childbirth is a huge strain on a woman’s body and she risks serious injury giving birth that she’ll have for life.

Even more so as she had twins which is even more dangerous.

And the babies taken away from their birth mother immediately. Who knows what harm it does to them.

It feels akin to the black market of buying and selling organs.

I know I have children so perhaps don’t have the right to comment but it doesn’t sit right with me.

This issue seems to be to be similar to same-sex marriage. If you don’t approve of same-sex marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. Problem solved.

If you don’t approve of surrogacy, don’t be a surrogate yourself or employ a surrogate to carry a baby on your behalf. Problem solved.

In either case, respect the fact that other adults are entitled to the freedom to make their own decisions about what they choose to do with their own bodies or their own money. That’s what happens in a free society.

she was paid and it doesn’t take into account the risk she was putting her body through. that's pretty much what they're paid for tho, danger money! Medical costs will be separate and yeah some money might go on maternity clothes etc but most of it is in recognition of how hard the job is

If a woman fell pregnant and gave birth and then decided she wanted to sell the baby to fund her other child's education no one would think that was OK. That's not so different though, in reality, is it? Why don't we accept the selling of babies once they are born if it's OK before they are born?

@SleepingStandingUp but danger money doesn’t cover life long birth injuries or potentially death though does it? And if they have other children of their own, potentially depriving them of their mother

The issue isn't like same sex marriage.
It involves babies for a start, they need protection.

There is also the issue of exploitation of female bodies. The exploitative use of bodies is also often covered by legislation.

Selling people isn't ok.

@SoundBar

YANBU but you'll be cancelled for saying so.

Just because men will pay for it doesn't make it ok

Saying just because men will pay for it is such a weak argument. Women use surrogates too. Women also pay for sperm. Is that ok because it's a woman?

@Unfashionable

This issue seems to be to be similar to same-sex marriage. If you don’t approve of same-sex marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. Problem solved.

If you don’t approve of surrogacy, don’t be a surrogate yourself or employ a surrogate to carry a baby on your behalf. Problem solved.

In either case, respect the fact that other adults are entitled to the freedom to make their own decisions about what they choose to do with their own bodies or their own money. That’s what happens in a free society.

It’s absolutely not the same thing. Same sex marriage is totally different. It only affects the two people involved.

Surrogacy has wider implications for all women. And that they can be exploited for money. And that the babies are immediately taken away from their birth mother. Should we not protect potentially vulnerable women and the babies born in these situations?

I don't agree with the exploitation side of surrogacy in the same way I disagree with it re egg donation - young women from developing countries being forced to do something drastic for money.

It is however highly regulated both here and in the US and I think when done properly and safely, it's fine. It's less about desperation and more about a surrogate really just wanting to help someone. I'm sure they did their own risk assessment beforhand.

@Lollipop567

My best friend used a surrogate (her sister) as she’d had many late term miscarriages and just couldn’t carry a child. She is the most amazing mother, her son has always known what happened and is really close to his aunty. It’s completely different to paying someone far less fortunate. Surrogacy isn’t black and white.

Maybe close family or friends is a different issue. This situation sounds like it’s been positive for everyone.

I don’t know. I’m still trying to work out my views on this.

I agree OP. When rich women start being surrogates for poor women, I’ll listen to people who say it’s a ‘choice’. It’s dangerous for the woman, it’s unethical to create a child with the intention of taking it away from its bio mother. I could write pages on this subject and my experience of women that do it but these threads usually end up deleted.

I think it's an amazing thing for someone to do.

I'm very fortunate that I conceived naturally and didn't face the heartbreak of infertility. It must be a terrible thing to deal with.
I can't judge anyone who uses surrogacy as a means to have a child of their own, nor can I judge a woman who chooses to become a surrogate.
There are lots of reasons why a woman chooses to become a surrogate.
I admire them, because to have enough compassion for someone that you will go through a pregnancy and birth is the most wonderful gift that could be given.
It's easy to sit on the moral high horse when you're own fertility doesn't present a problem.

If surrogacy makes you uncomfortable I suggest you don't become a surrogate.

Hth.

Just as a thought (know how this thread will go!) in case anyone is not aware.

In England Wales the government are looking at/ consulting on changes the law in the UK to allow for a more commercial approach and with more security/ certainty for the commissioning parent/s.

As always, the naivety of posters thinking most women who agree to be surrogate have choice and aren’t exploited, astonishes me.

@MyPatronusIsACat

🤣

@SoundBar Lots of women and couples use surrogacy, probably a lot more than men do.
There's actually probably more couples and women than men I would imagine.
Just like there are lots of women who use sperm donors.

@LiamGallagherIsHot

As always, the naivety of posters thinking most women who agree to be surrogate have choice and aren’t exploited, astonishes me.

Quite!

Link to govt consultation (now closed) including consultation paper etc.

www.lawcom.gov.uk/project/surrogacy/

@LiamGallagherIsHot

As always, the naivety of posters thinking most women who agree to be surrogate have choice and aren’t exploited, astonishes me.

Not naive. Libertarian.

@LiamGallagherIsHot There are yes, but equally there are plenty who aren't.
As it's been said up thread, in the UK you're not allowed payment for surrogacy, only expenses incurred.
I can't see many alcoholics junkies kicking down the door to become a free surrogate, nor can I see many people opting for one as opposed to a clean healthy woman.
Not all surrogate's are poverty struck or desperate.

In a society that regulates it properly, I don't see how surrogates (especially when the donor egg and/or sperm come from the intended parents) can be said to have been exploited.

In the UK at least, you can't even pay them and even so, this argument of "pregnancy being dangerous" doesn't hold water. There are many dangerous professions worldwide, but people don't think it's exploitative to do those. You can sign up for a drug trial and get paid, is that exploitative too?

Posts like this infantilising women will never not annoy me, why do you think you know better for people than they do for themselves? Bleurgh

And no one ever seems to mention the baby, created with the intention of taking them away from their mother.

Leaving woman aside, there actual infants here.
Infants who are being traded.
It is considered to be so damaging to remove babies from their mothers that social workers will only get permission to do this in extreme circumstances.
These surrogate babies aren't given this basic protection.

Most surrogates don't share any DNA with the baby. The idea that we should outlaw this behaviour on the grounds that the women who consent to do this aren't adults who make choices suggests that you, somebody not involved in the situation because it "doesn't sit right with" you, knows better than these women. I wouldn't have ever considered being a surrogate but I don't assume everybody thinks like me or is in my circumstances.