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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband against Covid vaccine

150 replies

Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 20:32

Hi,
Just wondered if there is anyone out there unfortunate enough to have such different views on the Covid vaccine that it may end their marriage. He is so against it that he has said he'll leave me if I have it. I want to have it, but also don't want us to split as we have two young kids...

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 14/09/2021 20:43

Is he always so controlling? Is there any reason why you can't decide what is best for you and he can't decide what is best for him?

KT727 · 14/09/2021 20:48

Have it and don't tell him OR ask him to go to marriage counselling with you as this is definitely coercive control.

Badfootkk · 14/09/2021 20:49

Why would he leave you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2021 20:50

Have it. Either tell him or don't. It's your medical information so it's your decision.

I don't tell my DH how to vote or what vaccines to have.

notnowbernadette · 14/09/2021 20:51

It's your body and your decision. If he's going to leave you over this he's got serious control issues.

DismantledKing · 14/09/2021 20:51
  1. He’s being controlling, and it’s none of his business. It’s a huge red flag.
  2. He’s a conspiracist nutter, which is a very bad thing.
BIWI · 14/09/2021 20:52

Have you posted this before?

Redshoeblueshoe · 14/09/2021 20:52

You wouldn't be the one splitting up the marriage.
That would be him trying to control you.

NailsNeedDoing · 14/09/2021 20:52

It’s fine for couples to have completely opposing views on this, I’m sure many do, but it’s not ok for him to threaten to turn yours and your dcs lives upside down because of a simple difference in choice.

Dutch1e · 14/09/2021 20:53

I'm not going to take the vaccine but the idea of forcing someone else into the same decision is abhorrent to me. Seems like the jab is a red herring in your case surely?

ilovesooty · 14/09/2021 20:54

@KT727

Have it and don't tell him OR ask him to go to marriage counselling with you as this is definitely coercive control.
I doubt any reputable counsellor will work with a dynamic involving coercive control.
Eve81 · 14/09/2021 20:54

Mine attempted to be anti vaccine but I went out armed myself with lots of evidence, wrote an email with it all in and then at the bottom of said email told him I find his uneducated, pathetic, sheepish- conspiracy behaviour off putting. I wrote an email so he could shut me down. I even included his worries in the email with evidence proving worry wrong.

He very reluctantly got both vaccines. Good luck

Sushirolls · 14/09/2021 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/09/2021 20:57

How dare he?!
I’d get my jab and say go on then, f**k off.

seb342 · 14/09/2021 20:57

Yes myself and my partner have totally different views on this, he's had the vaccine and I haven't. I respected his choice as he respected mine but what's interesting is how his opinion has changed now it's come to vaccinating our 15 year old Dd. He's dead against this and absolutely doesn't want her to have it which obviously I agree with. As an adult it's your personal choice and I don't think there's a right or wrong in having it or not but I think the bigger problem here is his controlling behaviour.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2021 20:58

If that's how he feels, help him pack. What you decide to do with your body is none of his fucking business.

Notaroadrunner · 14/09/2021 20:58

He is not entitled to make a decision about your vaccination. I'll be honest, if Dh was like that I'd be the one ending things. I couldn't put up with someone who stupidly thought they could control me. Get your vaccine, tell him/don't tell him. But have a long hard think about the type of future you're going to have with him.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/09/2021 20:58

What are his reasons for you not to have it, what impact does it have on him? Confused.

The vaccine is a red herring. Controlling you and threatening to leave if you don't comply is unacceptable.

CambsAlways · 14/09/2021 21:04

I haven’t had it or want it, My husband has had both, he wouldn’t dream of telling me what to do and I wouldn’t him either

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/09/2021 21:04

KT727
Have it and don't tell him“

No, absolutely not. You do not pander to a control freak.

JassyRadlett · 14/09/2021 21:05

As it stands, he's decided to wait until trials end in 2023 which I'm very relieved about

Just a quick note to mention that this is misinformation - the phase 3 vaccine trials have concluded for the vaccines approved for use in the UK. As with many new pharmaceuticals there is ongoing safety monitoring of participants following the conclusion of the final phase III trials before the official study completion dates. This does not mean trials are continuing for that long (or even that data will be gathered for that long.)

I don’t want to derail OP’s thread but vaccine misinformation is a real issue.

OP, your husband sounds abusively controlling. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

Sushirolls · 14/09/2021 21:23

@JassyRadlett

As it stands, he's decided to wait until trials end in 2023 which I'm very relieved about

Just a quick note to mention that this is misinformation - the phase 3 vaccine trials have concluded for the vaccines approved for use in the UK. As with many new pharmaceuticals there is ongoing safety monitoring of participants following the conclusion of the final phase III trials before the official study completion dates. This does not mean trials are continuing for that long (or even that data will be gathered for that long.)

I don’t want to derail OP’s thread but vaccine misinformation is a real issue.

OP, your husband sounds abusively controlling. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

It certainly isn't misinformation.

But I agree, don't want to derail the thread.

DGFB · 14/09/2021 21:27

I’m feeling concerned for all the people on this thread who are not vaccinated and will undoubtedly get Covid at some point.
But back to your point, this would actually end the marriage for me really. I consider getting vaccinated part of your duty as a parent - to make sure you can care for them by being healthy and by staying alive long enough to see them grow up. But I obviously am very pro-vaccine.
If I were you I’d just have it anyway. He’s wrong

ShaneTheThird · 14/09/2021 21:29

That's not ok op and you know this

pianolessons1 · 14/09/2021 21:30

Have it and let him leave. Your kids are probably better off without him - he sounds controlling and dim, a toxic combination.