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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband against Covid vaccine

150 replies

Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 20:32

Hi,
Just wondered if there is anyone out there unfortunate enough to have such different views on the Covid vaccine that it may end their marriage. He is so against it that he has said he'll leave me if I have it. I want to have it, but also don't want us to split as we have two young kids...

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 10:05

It's creating division in society. Which is wrong.

What would be your preferred term? People have the right to make their own decisions but not everyone is going to agree. Disagreement is always going to be a thing.

Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 10:07

My DP left me because I had it. He thinks he can catch spike proteins from me Confused

Tbh, he's becoming madder by the week and being around him was too chaotic for me to cope with. I don't miss him sadly. The good times we had Pre covid are a thing of the past. So it's a good thing. He still tries to control me though.

Glssr195726113493 · 15/09/2021 10:09

He’s very stupid and very controlling. I’m sorry.

Get the vaccine. Tell him you’ve got it and if he wants to break up his family over his own unbelievable ignorance, that’s his lookout.

But do not set the precedent whereby he thinks he’s entitled to make decisions over your body and health. He doesn’t.

PersonaNonGarter · 15/09/2021 10:13

He’s a controlling conspiracy theorist, OP. Why do you care what this stupid man thinks?

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2021 10:13

It's creating division in society. Which is wrong.

I don’t think I necessarily agree, but also don’t agree that this makes it a horrible term.

I could quite equally say ‘people refusing vaccines is horrible. It’s causing division in society. Which is wrong.’

I mean, I don’t think that (though I do think some who refuse vaccines are misguided.) But the logic of ‘this word is horrible because I don’t like how it’s used to describe a group that I would prefer not to be singled out as a group’ is just not there.

The word isn’t causing the division. The division exists, for pretty deep and complex reasons, which I’ve tried to discuss with you before.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 10:13

"10:05PurpleDaisies

It's creating division in society. Which is wrong.

What would be your preferred term? People have the right to make their own decisions but not everyone is going to agree. Disagreement is always going to be a thing"

I'm not questioning disagreeing though? I'm asking people to stop with the labelling. Read my initial post for clarification, I told the op that whatever she decides should be her choice, to have it or not.

There doesn't need to be a 'name' for people who have chosen not to have the vaccine.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 10:16

"The word isn’t causing the division. The division exists, for pretty deep and complex reasons, which I’ve tried to discuss with you before."

@JassyRadlett

Again, just because you have explained your opinion doesn't mean it goes down in history as a fact. I disagree. It's adding to the division of society, which yes is becoming a deep and complex issue, therefore let's be open to trying to stop the division becoming any deeper.

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2021 10:22

Again, just because you have explained your opinion doesn't mean it goes down in history as a fact. I disagree. It's adding to the division of society, which yes is becoming a deep and complex issue, therefore let's be open to trying to stop the division becoming any deeper.

You don’t have to agree with me. I’ve always said that, so I don’t know why you keep pretending otherwise? I’d love at any point if you’d explain why you disagree that the divide currently exists and that people’s strong feelings are understandable.

If you don’t want people to apply labels to that group for the reasons you’ve set out, that’s a rational position. I may not agree, but it’s a valid argument.

So why not just say that, rather than claiming that ‘refusenik’ is a horrible phrase, and an awful thing to call someone?

Gothichouse40 · 15/09/2021 10:24

I am not anti- vaccination but pro- choice. Your husband chooses not to have it - fine, but he should not be dictating to you. You are a grown adult and have the right to make your own informed choice. Im sorry but if he wants to leave, let him. I would not be risking my health, or my family's health for any man, husband or not. Will he be happy to look,after you if you (hopefully not) acquire Long Covid and take over all the responsibilities? Perhaps have that conversation with him and he may change his mind. Honestly, too many people taking advice from Youtube and Facebook. Good luck OP but please go and have your vaccination, don't risk your own health for anyone.

Somethingsnappy · 15/09/2021 10:24

OP, you are struggling with the decision about the vaccine because you think your act of having it will cause the break up of your family. But this isn't the case, it will be your husband's decision to break up the family. It is your right as a human to make medical decisions about your own body. Your husband has no right to threaten you and you well know this.

I've had it, my husband doesn't want it. I'd like him to have it but I respect his decision. Not even a whiff of an argument over it. THIS is normal.

Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 10:31

There doesn't need to be a 'name' for people who have chosen not to have the vaccine.

Yeah, but the OP's husband thinks that he can catch something from lying in bed with her if she gets vaccinated Confused which is completely irrational.

Op, your dh sounds exactly like my ex.

YouMeandtheSpew · 15/09/2021 10:47

I’m not really sure there is a divide in our society to be honest. It’s not like Brexit which genuinely split families and friendships down the middle, with broadly equal proportions on either side. 90% of adults in the U.K. have had at least one jab. That’s the overwhelming majority. There’s a relatively small group of people who can’t have it or won’t have it. (And some of those will be pregnant women who want to wait until they’ve delivered.)

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 11:12

"10:47YouMeandtheSpew

I’m not really sure there is a divide in our society to be honest. It’s not like Brexit which genuinely split families and friendships down the middle, with broadly equal proportions on either side. 90% of adults in the U.K. have had at least one jab. That’s the overwhelming majority. There’s a relatively small group of people who can’t have it or won’t have it. (And some of those will be pregnant women who want to wait until they’ve delivered."

Yes I see your point there, what I'm trying to say is that we must not treat unvaccinated people differently or brand them with silly names. It's not right, think about it children under 12 aren't eligible for the vaccine, so if they start hearing adults insult each other over a medical choice, what might that cause in the future?

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 11:13

Unfortunately though, this situation is splitting people up, and I find that really sad.

PersonaNonGarter · 15/09/2021 11:31

It’s not really splitting people up though, is it? It’s not Brexit. Everyone can make the decision for themselves and act accordingly.

The problem for the OP is her DH wants to control her. The control is the problem not the vaccination.

pointythings · 15/09/2021 11:33

@Peteycat

"vaccine and mask refusenik I know has been ill in bed for 9 days. Her daughter had to go and stay with her father because she was too ill to look after her. She's getting better now, but feels utterly shattered and has lost her sense of taste and smell, but it wasn't Covid, oh no, just a cold"

Please stop using these horrible phrases. Refusenik is such an awful thing to call someone.

Call the beast by its name and it loses some of its power. Or would you prefer 'Covidiot'? Just as you are free to say what you want on here, so are the rest of us. Yay for having an anonymous forum to vent on. Stop trying to censor us.
Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 11:39

Call the beast by its name and it loses some of its power. Or would you prefer 'Covidiot'? Just as you are free to say what you want on here, so are the rest of us. Yay for having an anonymous forum to vent on. Stop trying to censor us.

I agree. Some people on here are absolute snowflakes but it's perfectly ok for them to insult other people Hmm

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 11:49

Haha snowflakes now! Honestly.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 11:54

"11:39Itsnotover

Call the beast by its name and it loses some of its power. Or would you prefer 'Covidiot'? Just as you are free to say what you want on here, so are the rest of us. Yay for having an anonymous forum to vent on. Stop trying to censor us.

I agree. Some people on here are absolute snowflakes but it's perfectly ok for them to insult other people hmm"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 11:57

@Peteycat you can do what you like but you seem to be obsessed with controlling other peoples perceptions of those who decide not to get vaccinated and rely on everyone else to get herd immunity. You can’t do that and people will judge I’m affraid.

BIWI · 15/09/2021 12:01

There doesn't need to be a 'name' for people who have chosen not to have the vaccine.

Why?

There are plenty of words we could use to describe people like this. Refusenik is probably one of the more polite ones.

Not giving them a name is a ploy to make their decisions seem acceptable. And let's be honest, there are very few vaccine refusers who are doing so for rational, scientifically-proven reasons.

clarepetal · 15/09/2021 12:08

That's not on. My partner is also opposing, but I've had the jab. He hasn't.
Our son is at home with covid, we are negative, he is gutted as I'm allowed to leave the house, he isn't. Serves him right!
We have very different ideas about covid, vaccines etc but just agree to disagree, your husband is being completely unreasonable. I hope you are OK Flowers

XenoBitch · 15/09/2021 12:16

@BIWI

There doesn't need to be a 'name' for people who have chosen not to have the vaccine.

Why?

There are plenty of words we could use to describe people like this. Refusenik is probably one of the more polite ones.

Not giving them a name is a ploy to make their decisions seem acceptable. And let's be honest, there are very few vaccine refusers who are doing so for rational, scientifically-proven reasons.

Some people ae not getting the vaccine because they have fallen into a conspiracy theory rabbit hole. Others are not getting it because the consultants involved in their medical care have advised them not to. Between these are where most people declining the vaccine lie.... those who have health anxiety, people with phobias, people who reacted so badly to the first jab that they don't want the second etc etc.

Why lump everyone in together and give them a name? Why give anyone who declines the vaccine a name at all? To make yourself feel superior to them?
Do we give a name to people who decline things like cancer treatment?

MaxNormal · 15/09/2021 12:18

And let's be honest, there are very few vaccine refusers who are doing so for rational, scientifically-proven reasons

Seriously would people just fucking stop. I've not had the vaccine for reasons that my gp and consultant cannot fault, and I am sick to absolute death of this broad-brush vitriol now. Yes there's a few people that are madder than a box of frogs but there are loads of people with genuine worries relating to their personal medical histories, or who have had a really bad reaction to the first fab, or any number of actually perfectly valid reasons.

My mental health is in fucking tatters at this plus the constant threat of these vaccine passports. I'm sick of it. I had no idea how fucking vile and judgemental and downright hideous and spiteful so many people were.

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 12:19

Do we give a name to people who decline things like cancer treatment?

I think if someone declined cancer treatment because they thought big pharma was going to micro chip them, people might use some negative adjectives to describe their decision. Maybe even a refusenik? Who knows.