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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband against Covid vaccine

150 replies

Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 20:32

Hi,
Just wondered if there is anyone out there unfortunate enough to have such different views on the Covid vaccine that it may end their marriage. He is so against it that he has said he'll leave me if I have it. I want to have it, but also don't want us to split as we have two young kids...

OP posts:
Peteycat · 14/09/2021 21:32

"20:48KT727

Have it and don't tell him OR ask him to go to marriage counselling with you as this is definitely coercive control"

Bad advice. If she were to do that, he would be onto the next thing. Once he has control or feels in control he will get worse.

I am pro choice. Nobody should ever tell you not to have it.

Nobody should ever tell you to have it either.

It is totally your choice, it always will be.

Pissinthepottyplease · 14/09/2021 21:33

You’ve posted about this before. Your going to get the same answers as last him. He is controlling you. It’s the same as any other situation when a partner is telling you what medical treatment you can or can’t have.

lanthanum · 14/09/2021 21:35

@seb342

Yes myself and my partner have totally different views on this, he's had the vaccine and I haven't. I respected his choice as he respected mine but what's interesting is how his opinion has changed now it's come to vaccinating our 15 year old Dd. He's dead against this and absolutely doesn't want her to have it which obviously I agree with. As an adult it's your personal choice and I don't think there's a right or wrong in having it or not but I think the bigger problem here is his controlling behaviour.
Interestingly, they're saying that if a child disagrees with their parents about having it, they'll go with what the child wants (unless they are deemed not to have the capacity to make an informed decision - unlikely for most 15 year olds).

I guess it's going to be easier for your DD to reach a decision if her parents agree, whether or not she agrees with you.

LonelySock · 14/09/2021 21:35

Let him leave!

I couldn't respect someone as a partner who either didn't understand how vaccines work, have huge respect for the amazing science and scientists who have developed the vaccines, or refuse to listen to those who have spent years and years in medicine.

Is this the first time he has come out with something like this?

Hopeisallineed · 14/09/2021 21:38

Does sound like you would be better without someone so totally controlling. What reason could be possibly have for threatening this nonsense?

Munchyseeds · 14/09/2021 21:39

I would just have it and not enter into any sort of discussion with him
My body, my choice

Peteycat · 14/09/2021 21:39

"Interestingly, they're saying that if a child disagrees with their parents about having it, they'll go with what the child wants (unless they are deemed not to have the capacity to make an informed decision - unlikely for most 15 year olds)"

D you really think children are making an informed choice though like adults?

Peteycat · 14/09/2021 21:40

It's not just 15 year olds. 12 upwards.

LiamGallagherIsHot · 14/09/2021 21:46

The vaccine isn’t the issue, the issue is that he’s trying to control you.

I’m not vaccinated, my partner is. It’s not an issue, we’ve made our decisions and it’s not even talked about now.

equuscaballus · 14/09/2021 21:56

Will PM you

Wowthisisreal · 14/09/2021 21:58

@Sushirolls

Not quite the same. Absolutely no way I'll ever have it, and although I don't want DH to have it, it's his choice. I can't expect him to accept my POV if I can't accept his.

As it stands, he's decided to wait until trials end in 2023 which I'm very relieved about

I do not agree with getting it behind his back and lying. I'd leave him if he did that.

Why on earth would you leave him?!
Peteycat · 14/09/2021 21:59

"21:35LonelySock

Let him leave!

I couldn't respect someone as a partner who either didn't understand how vaccines work, have huge respect for the amazing science and scientists who have developed the vaccines, or refuse to listen to those who have spent years and years in medicine.

Is this the first time he has come out with something like this?"

That's quite a contradiction. The point isn't about how vaccine ls work etc, it's not really even about the vaccine. It's about him trying to control her, and her making her own choices about her body.

lockdownalli · 14/09/2021 22:01

This sounds familiar.

OP just get the vaccine and pray he fucks off. Flowers

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 14/09/2021 22:06

If you want the vaccine, get the vaccine. He is not in control of you and dont leave no room for him to think otherwise "I'm getting it feel free to leave"

Me And DP have different opinions, I'm unvaccinated and tested positive, having his vaccine made him less anxious and he didn't catch it, so hes happy with his and I'm happy with mine. That's how it should be.

Original poster
Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 22:38

Thanks for all your responses.

He is so fearful of bad side effects, and thinks there could be long-term ones that no one knows about yet. He says he couldn't live with the stress of worrying that I'd be badly affected by it.

I am fine with him not having it as that's up to him. But he's worried that me having the vaccine in my body could somehow make him ill if we're sharing a bed etc.

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 14/09/2021 22:39

I am fine with him not having it as that's up to him. But he's worried that me having the vaccine in my body could somehow make him ill if we're sharing a bed etc.

Well, that’s quite a different story to your OP. He sounds very dim as well as controlling.

Original poster
Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 22:40

Hi, I haven't actually. I just joined mumsnet tonight and posted it now as my friend suggested I reach out on here and see if anyone else has experienced this.

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 14/09/2021 22:41

He’s an idiot. Have the vaccine if you wish and he can bugger off if he wants. He doesn’t get to make that choice for you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/09/2021 22:43

I think I'd fine it hard to be married to someone that illogical to be honest. But if you really want to stay married to him, is there no way you coukd just get it without telling him?

ErrolTheDragon · 14/09/2021 22:51

@Ellybridge22

Thanks for all your responses.

He is so fearful of bad side effects, and thinks there could be long-term ones that no one knows about yet. He says he couldn't live with the stress of worrying that I'd be badly affected by it.

I am fine with him not having it as that's up to him. But he's worried that me having the vaccine in my body could somehow make him ill if we're sharing a bed etc.

If you replace the word 'vaccine' there with 'covid' then he might have a point. Covid is known to have ongoing effects in some people, and sharing a bed with someone if they've got it could harm them because it's an infective disease.
tttigress · 14/09/2021 22:58

It is so sad how Covid is dividing every one.

I suggest reading a state of fear by Laura Dodsworth.

DismantledKing · 14/09/2021 23:01

@tttigress

It is so sad how Covid is dividing every one.

I suggest reading a state of fear by Laura Dodsworth.

What, this one?

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/a-state-of-fear-how-the-uk-government-weaponised-fear-during-the-covid-19-pandemic-by-laura-dodsworth-review-zgww3tf82

tttigress · 14/09/2021 23:07

I definitely think gear has been used as a West in this crisis, I definitely recommend the book, not just one headline from a journalist with an agenda.

tttigress · 14/09/2021 23:08

Weapon not west

DismantledKing · 14/09/2021 23:09

@tttigress

I definitely think gear has been used as a West in this crisis, I definitely recommend the book, not just one headline from a journalist with an agenda.
But a photographer with an agenda/book to sell is fine, right?
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