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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband against Covid vaccine

150 replies

Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 20:32

Hi,
Just wondered if there is anyone out there unfortunate enough to have such different views on the Covid vaccine that it may end their marriage. He is so against it that he has said he'll leave me if I have it. I want to have it, but also don't want us to split as we have two young kids...

OP posts:

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 12:20

@XenoBitch

You have explained that so well. All true.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 12:23

@MaxNormal

"My mental health is in fucking tatters at this plus the constant threat of these vaccine passports. I'm sick of it. I had no idea how fucking vile and judgemental and downright hideous and spiteful so many people were"

I hope you are OK. Its horrible I know actually how many people have this view.

XenoBitch · 15/09/2021 12:24

@PurpleDaisies

Do we give a name to people who decline things like cancer treatment?

I think if someone declined cancer treatment because they thought big pharma was going to micro chip them, people might use some negative adjectives to describe their decision. Maybe even a refusenik? Who knows.

What is the rationale behind naming them at all? Why do they need a name?

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 12:25

I’m massively pro vaccine but I don’t think vaccine passports are the way a liberal democracy should be going. Hopefully there will be enough objection from the Tory backbenchers to keep them off the table. That’s not a group I’m normally hopeful will get their way!

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 12:26

What is the rationale behind naming them at all? Why do they need a name?

My opinion of people who choose not to have a vaccine is not neutral. I will use adjectives to indicate that when I’m discussing it. Refusenik isn’t the word I’d use.

XenoBitch · 15/09/2021 12:30

@PurpleDaisies

What is the rationale behind naming them at all? Why do they need a name?

My opinion of people who choose not to have a vaccine is not neutral. I will use adjectives to indicate that when I’m discussing it. Refusenik isn’t the word I’d use.

Regardless of why they are not having the vaccine?

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 12:33

Regardless of why they are not having the vaccine?

No, I don’t have the same view of someone who is unable to have a vaccine because of medical reasons as someone who thinks we’re being micro chipped or someone that has health anxiety and is struggling to accept a vaccine.

This thread has got really weird.

MaxNormal · 15/09/2021 12:36

@Peteycat thank you. I will be, I'm sure. I just haven't really slept for a week with all the vaccine passport will they/won't they stuff nationally, plus the confirmed introduction in Scotland where I'm based. I'm full of adrenaline the whole time, can't eat or sleep and keep bursting into tears.

My gp wants to help but there's apparently no exemption mechanism despite what was said by the SG.

Every time I read these posts I feel sick, furious and terrified. Should probably step away from social media but I'm also scared to not know what is going on.

In my darker moments I think will things get that bad that it's no longer a life worth living. But hopefully I'll stop having those thoughts if I can just get a night's sleep.

Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 12:38

Some people ae not getting the vaccine because they have fallen into a conspiracy theory rabbit hole. Others are not getting it because the consultants involved in their medical care have advised them not to.

There is literally nobody who would have a problem with people who have been advised by their consultant not to get the covid vaccine.

Those are the people who need herd immunity to be protected

That's the point.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 12:40

"In my darker moments I think will things get that bad that it's no longer a life worth living. But hopefully I'll stop having those thoughts if I can just get a night's sleep"

Please please try not to think like this or let your mind wander. You need sleep. So, hot bath, a milky drink like Horlicks, if you have any lavender in any form use it or put underneath your pillow, eat a great big healthy dinner. If you can today get out on the fresh air for a walk. Even if you only managed five minutes. This will pass I promise you that. Xxxx

BIWI · 15/09/2021 12:40

Do we give a name to people who decline things like cancer treatment?

That's a rather different scenario, given that cancer isn't infectious.

Not having the vaccine (unless you do have a sound, medical/scientific reason) is selfish, because you risk contracting Covid and then passing that on to someone else.

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 12:41

If this was a thread about a husband telling his wife not to get cancer treatment, I think he’d be called a few fruity names…

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 12:41

If you are feeling really bad do step away from online etc. Take a breather, if you have access to any pets or animals, go chill with them for a bit. They relax me so much, they are great stress reduction company I think xxx

MaxNormal · 15/09/2021 12:42

@Peteycat bless you, thank you. I've got some lavender pillow spray I can look out.
It will pass, you're right. Sorry for the self-pity and thanks for being kind xxx

Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 12:43

Do we give a name to people who decline things like cancer treatment?

No because that decision only affects them, not wider society.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 13:06

"12:42MaxNormal

@Peteycat bless you, thank you. I've got some lavender pillow spray I can look out.
It will pass, you're right. Sorry for the self-pity and thanks for being kind xxx"

Don't ever apologise x these are some hard times mentally right now, be kind to yourself and get that lavender spray out xxc

pointythings · 15/09/2021 13:08

If you can't handle free expression online then getting out is probably the most sensible thing to do.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 13:52

"13:08pointythings

If you can't handle free expression online then getting out is probably the most sensible thing to do"

After the above poster literally posted that and needed some kindness, you come out with this tripe? Go away.

pointythings · 15/09/2021 14:36

Was more aimed at you, the great censor of COVID expression on Mumsnet. And I'm as free to post here as you are.

If you have health anxiety, see your GP. Contact wellbeing services in your area. Take medication. Address it. This is especially important now that we're dealing with COVID. If people are not taking the vaccine because they are too anxious, they don't need patting on the back and telling that's OK - they need support to address their anxiety so that they can recover and take a rational decision.

As for COVID deniers like the one referred to upthread, who is still denying she's had it - they get no sympathy from me.

Baluchistan95 · 15/09/2021 14:47

XenoBitch

Great post

jagoda · 15/09/2021 14:58

It's a shame the way this thread has deteriorated into a name calling mess.

I think the vast majority of people, certainly in my little realm, understand there are some people who are unable to have the vaccine and feel sorry for them due to the increased risk they then have of catching covid, and also because of the prospect of this affecting their ability to do social things at any future point ( foreign travel.big social events etc.

With regards to people who choose not to have the vaccine for other reasons, again that is totally their choice. It's none of my business really. What is important with regards to OP and some other posters who are in similar situations, is that their DP are threatening to, or have already left them because they chose to have the vaccine.

If my DP had a different view on this to me, I would hope we would discuss it and agree to differ on the basis of basic bodily autonomy. If they threatened to leave me because I had the vaccine I would show them the door.

pointythings · 15/09/2021 15:00

That's a good point, jegoda - the issue is OP's husband's controlling behaviour. But OP has children, so it's important for her to get vaccinated - children need parents.

Anon778833 · 15/09/2021 15:33

Covid is still quite unpredictable in terms of how it affects people. Sometimes the fittest, healthiest people end up being on ventilators.

Evidently there is still a lot unknown about who is susceptible and why.

onlyjustme · 15/09/2021 15:56

My DH is not anti-vaccine but hates needles and so far has not had the vaccine (nor covid).
It is difficult... I have considered giving him the opposite ultimatum that your DH has given you (and from another thread, mumsnet would advise me to do just that...)
BUT I have decided to grit my teeth and respect his decision. I have made my view very clear. However he is an adult and it is his choice. Ultimately HE is the one at risk. (And he has a reasonably good death in service work benefit, so...)
YOUR DH needs to do the same for you. Your situation is quite different to mine though, I would rather be safe and divorced.

MrMeSeeks · 15/09/2021 17:00

He’s controlling you.
What else does he decide you don’t ‘need’?
Or the children?
Covid also has bad side effects, i can assure you.

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