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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband against Covid vaccine

150 replies

Ellybridge22 · 14/09/2021 20:32

Hi,
Just wondered if there is anyone out there unfortunate enough to have such different views on the Covid vaccine that it may end their marriage. He is so against it that he has said he'll leave me if I have it. I want to have it, but also don't want us to split as we have two young kids...

OP posts:

DrNo007 · 15/09/2021 02:33

Some misconceptions on here about ‘shedding’ of material from the vaccine. The concern is that the coronavirus spike protein that the vaccines instruct your body cells to produce might get conveyed to another person, by skin contact or inhalation. No evidence at all that this can happen or has happened but the concern stems from a document of Pfizer in which they acknowledge the possibility that it could happen. So this particular ‘conspiracy’ arises from the manufacturer of one of the vaccines. see page 69 of the Pfizer document: drive.google.com/file/d/1St6n_jAs5B-2daWrNSiLxJLEgmvMZfZq/view?usp=drivesdk
But OP, this in no way excuses your husband’s behaviour, which is abusive and unbalanced.

KosherDill · 15/09/2021 03:19

@LiamGallagherIsHot

To be honest I think it would regrettably be a marriage-ender for me if my DP refused the vaccine.

That’s quite sad I think. Can’t you just make a different choice from each other and accept that. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where that wasn’t the case. Maybe me and my partner are just laid back, it’s just not an issue.

Choices that affect only oneself are one thing. Choices that adversely affect public health are quite another.

LiamGallagherIsHot · 15/09/2021 03:30

Choices that affect only oneself are one thing. Choices that adversely affect public health are quite another.

Individuals are allowed to make their own choice, I’m glad my partner doesn’t think like some on this thread though and me not being vaccinated isn’t an issue to him. I don’t deny they work though and don’t buy into conspiracies, maybe that makes a difference.

Tinpotspectator · 15/09/2021 04:06

I'd definitely end that relationship. It's not great he won't have it but it's intolerable that he tries to force his views on you. He doesn't respect your, or care about you really.

hellcatspangle · 15/09/2021 04:25

But he's worried that me having the vaccine in my body could somehow make him ill if we're sharing a bed etc.

He sounds unhinged, I'd leave him first then it won't be an issue.

A young unvaccinated chap I know has recently died of covid leaving three young kids - he was a conspiracy theorist who was always sharing stuff on fb. What I can't get my head around, is that his best mate is still a covid denier and still sharing nonsense online. Get your vaccine.

Hopeisallineed · 15/09/2021 08:10

@Sushirolls where are you getting your info from? ‘health experts emphasize that everyone who's eligible for a COVID-19 vaccine should get one — even if they've recovered from an infection in the past. Studies suggest that vaccines can offer stronger protection than natural immunity alone, especially against the viral variants’ I have read similar repeatedly so interested to know where your research in to natural immunity offering more protection is from?

Roselilly36 · 15/09/2021 08:13

Do what’s right for you OP. You shouldn’t be living with threats, if you chose to do something or not. That’s really not on. Good luck.

Oriunda · 15/09/2021 08:25

@Sushirolls

Not quite the same. Absolutely no way I'll ever have it, and although I don't want DH to have it, it's his choice. I can't expect him to accept my POV if I can't accept his.

As it stands, he's decided to wait until trials end in 2023 which I'm very relieved about

I do not agree with getting it behind his back and lying. I'd leave him if he did that.

(Dangerous) misinformation. Trials have already been completed or else vaccine wouldn’t be available.

RuggerHug · 15/09/2021 08:37

I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who wants to bring Covid into the house and increase the risk of DCs getting it and all the possible long term effects. I'd consider it the same as putting them in the car to drive drunk. OP, get the vaccine for you and have a serious think about what you want, does it involve someone who thinks they can say what you do for yourself. Good luck.

MumW · 15/09/2021 08:41

I am fine with him not having it as that's up to him. But he's worried that me having the vaccine in my body could somehow make him ill if we're sharing a bed etc.
Is he totally antivax or just covid?
Just wondering if he's worried about being infected 'second hand' from other vaccines.
Do you have DC? What's his stance on having them vaccinated?

MumW · 15/09/2021 08:43

Just re-read your first post and seen you have 2 young DC. Are they vaccinated?

Angrymum22 · 15/09/2021 08:47

I have just had Covid for the second time. I was vaccinated in Jan/Mar. Probably picked it up from someone who had only had one dose of vaccine. Most of the people I know who’ve had it recently are vaccinated.
It was not horrendous but probably worse than a bad cold. And not as bad as the first time I had it when it really affected my lungs.
To anyone who has not had the Delta variant please be aware you are very likely to get it. Most of my DS17 friends have had it over the summer and most have been ill with it. DS is still exhausted 4weeks on and another friends 10 yr old has had long Covid.
For anyone who thinks the current variant is not a problem for younger people think again.
It’s funny that people thought that the vaccine was likely to cause problems when it’s actually Covid itself that is producing teenage zombies as a result of long Covid.

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2021 08:47

I have already had it and natural immunity is better than the vaccine.

This is also untrue, based on current evidence, which indicates breakthrough infections from natural immunity at about the same rate as with vaccines, and waning looks to happen at a similar rate.

What we do know is that if you have the vaccine after natural immunity, your antibody get a really huge boost - much bigger than from either alone or combined.

One flat out lie, about trials, and one assertion not supported by evidence. Any more?

Angrymum22 · 15/09/2021 08:49

And my DS 17 was double vaccinated when he caught Covid.

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 08:49

This is not about the vaccine. This is about him having the final say about what you do to your own body. It’s controlling.

I don’t think I could stay with someone like that. I’d be getting vaccinated ASAP and go from there.

Angrymum22 · 15/09/2021 08:53

OP I would have the vaccine so that at least when you all have Covid at least one of you will be able to look after the children.

PurpleDaisies · 15/09/2021 08:56

@Angrymum22

OP I would have the vaccine so that at least when you all have Covid at least one of you will be able to look after the children.

Let’s not be too dramatic about it. That will probably happen with or without the vaccine. The people I know who’ve had covid have all been fine to look after their kids, vaccinated or not.

SprayedWithDettol · 15/09/2021 08:57

I’m amazed how many scientists/medics and pharmacologists there are in the general public, who don’t work in the field of drug development. They seem to have done detailed research and read, understood and acted upon the clinical data about the vaccinations (obviously all of the vaccines as they are different) and come to a reasoned and rational decision not to have the vaccine.
Why are they not working in the field if they are so experienced?
Oh yes, they read a bit of stuff on google - which is about the same.

Hopeisallineed · 15/09/2021 09:20

Mostly they have read something on Twitter or FB and are made a life changing decision based on a meme or a reposted bit of nonsense.

Hopeisallineed · 15/09/2021 09:21

Have!

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 09:41

"vaccine and mask refusenik I know has been ill in bed for 9 days. Her daughter had to go and stay with her father because she was too ill to look after her. She's getting better now, but feels utterly shattered and has lost her sense of taste and smell, but it wasn't Covid, oh no, just a cold"

Please stop using these horrible phrases. Refusenik is such an awful thing to call someone.

Dutch1e · 15/09/2021 09:48

SprayedWithDettol people decline all kinds of procedures and medications for all kinds of reasons. I wish people would stop dragging out the tired old "you don't know enough to make a decision for your own body" line, it's wearisome.

MaxNormal · 15/09/2021 09:52

He has no right to dictate what you do with your own body.

DH is vaccinated, I am not, zero issues.

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2021 09:57

Please stop using these horrible phrases. Refusenik is such an awful thing to call someone.

In the original context, sure. It’s also totally inaccurate as it implies a lack of agency or ability to affect or change the way they were treated.

However in a post-1970s UK context, I’m not sure how or why it’s seen as horrible? It’s pretty widely used to mean ‘one who refuses to cooperate/comply with a system’.

Peteycat · 15/09/2021 10:01

*09:57JassyRadlett

Please stop using these horrible phrases. Refusenik is such an awful thing to call someone.

In the original context, sure. It’s also totally inaccurate as it implies a lack of agency or ability to affect or change the way they were treated.

However in a post-1970s UK context, I’m not sure how or why it’s seen as horrible? It’s pretty widely used to mean ‘one who refuses to cooperate/comply with a system’*

It's creating division in society. Which is wrong.

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