Page 4 | To not text him on his birthday?

Canunothanks · 2021-09-14T18:38:01+00:00

Been seeing this guy for 5 months ish. He’s gone to see his parents because it’s his birthday (different city). I was on a shitty work shift last night and he was texting me about it. Didn’t reply to my last text at 1am. Which is fine obviously, but it’s 930pm the next day now. No reply. It’s his birthday tomorrow. If he doesn’t text me back do I even say happy birthday? Seems so pathetic to double text

Waspsarearseholes · 14/09/2021 21:49

@Canunothanks

Can someone please explain why it’s unreasonable to be slightly confused/upset that someone you’re seeing randomly disappeared during a text conversation and nearly 24 hours later still hasn’t replied?

When it’s usually a continuous conversation throughout the day?

Honestly struggling to understand how that means I need to grow up

You could have just text him and sorted this out if you weren't so worried about 'double texting'. You could have wished him a good morning/afternoon and carried on chatting to him as normal, if only it weren't for your text games.

Reduceddutiesboredom · 14/09/2021 21:52

@Canunothanks

Can someone please explain why it’s unreasonable to be slightly confused/upset that someone you’re seeing randomly disappeared during a text conversation and nearly 24 hours later still hasn’t replied?

When it’s usually a continuous conversation throughout the day?

Honestly struggling to understand how that means I need to grow up

…because no adult is overly bothered by continuous texting - maybe phone him for a catch up at the end of the day?

Also baffled that double texting is pathetic? You could get over that and text him “how was your day with the family? Done anything fun?”

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 21:53

@Canunothanks

I think it’s quite rude to ignore a text all day... it takes 20 seconds to reply. He’s always going home to family so it’s not like it’s a big event.

He didn’t have 20 seconds in his whole day to reply or ask how I was after the shift

How were you after your shift, Canuno and how are you now?

RedSoloCup · 14/09/2021 21:55

For context maybe say what last 2-3 texts said and also is it possible he didn't get last text?

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 21:59

I expect he's out tonight with family, in a busy, noisy restaurant or pub.

If this is not an established relationship, why are you bothered?

Original poster

Canunothanks · 14/09/2021 22:00

The last texts were just talking about the shift and a plan we were making, what he was up to etc.

This distant texting has been going on since he went home Friday and so I just put it down to him wanting to see friends etc. He was taking hours replying which was fine because he was busy... but now it’s gone to 24 hours so maybe he’s just generally lost interest,

OP posts:

lemonsyellow · 14/09/2021 22:02

@Canunothanks

Can someone please explain why it’s unreasonable to be slightly confused/upset that someone you’re seeing randomly disappeared during a text conversation and nearly 24 hours later still hasn’t replied?

When it’s usually a continuous conversation throughout the day?

Honestly struggling to understand how that means I need to grow up

Because texting is boring? Because there’s nothing left to say? Someone has to end the conversation by not replying. Loads of my text conversations with people tend to end with someone just disappearing. It doesn’t mean anything bad. It’s fine.

Cocomarine · 14/09/2021 22:03

How is FIVE MONTHS not an established relationship?! Sure you might not know if you want a future together. But it’s still established. Enough not to play silly who texted last games 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anon778833 · 14/09/2021 22:04

Why would you not say Happy Birthday?

Sirzy · 14/09/2021 22:04

Why not just send a text to him now rather than sitting festering about it?

TheFoundations · 14/09/2021 22:06

Hang on... if you've been together 5 months, and he usually texts throughout the day, to the extent that it's worth posting about when he doesn't... what sort of relationship do you have, if you wouldn't call it 'established'?

There's something funny going on here.

Original poster

Canunothanks · 14/09/2021 22:10

We started casual, FWB type thing.

Around a month or 2 ago he told me he had feelings for me, and asked whether we should have a relationship. He also said he’s got a tendency to back off in situations where he has feelings for someone.
I said we should see how things went. Since then nothing has essentially changed... even as FWB we text everyday and where exclusive.

So I guess we’re in an unlabelled relationship...

OP posts:

Savoretti · 14/09/2021 22:11

But you didn’t text him all day either? Why is it up to him to message first?
Just because you messaged last last night? That’s bonkers - this is an adult relationship

JaffaCake70 · 14/09/2021 22:13

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I really don't understand why almost everyone is giving you such a hard time.

I agree 100% that it only takes 20 seconds to send a quick text and that for him not to text you all day is a bit weird and quite rude. I don't think you're being high maintenance at all.

I'd send him a quick happy birthday text and leave the ball in his court after that.

Don't take the comments on here to heart. I reckon quite a lot of the folk who are lambasting you here would be just as pissed off as you are if they didn't hear from their SO for a whole day!!

Cocomarine · 14/09/2021 22:16

@JaffaCake70 I think the reason for the robust YABU response is because of the childish nonsense about “double texts”.

If you do talk all day every day then yes, it’s odd if you don’t.

But surely you start thinking, “hmmm - wonder if he went away without his phone charger?” or similar - not, “well I’m not texting on his birthday!” I think that’s why the responses are harsh.

Cocomarine · 14/09/2021 22:21

@Canunothanks

We started casual, FWB type thing.

Around a month or 2 ago he told me he had feelings for me, and asked whether we should have a relationship. He also said he’s got a tendency to back off in situations where he has feelings for someone.
I said we should see how things went. Since then nothing has essentially changed... even as FWB we text everyday and where exclusive.

So I guess we’re in an unlabelled relationship...

Oh god, not that tedious loser shit. If he genuinely backs off when getting close, then he needs to go get therapy and stop pissing people about. But - poor little commitment phobic lamb my arse. It’s a line. See now he gets to tell you that he went quiet because he likes you. So he can get away with whatever he likes. He’s not very original.

Do you want an “unlabelled” relationship?
Or do you want someone who after 5 months likes you enough to stick a label on it?

HalzTangz · 14/09/2021 22:22

Seriously is double texting a thing.

Every single person I know must hate me then, I forever double text pmsl

HalzTangz · 14/09/2021 22:23

@GiveMeAUserName123

Wow, your high maintenance.

Did you ask him a direct question for him to answer back too? If not then why would he text again? The shift is over so why still talk about it a day later?

Wish him a happy birthday and stop playing childish games

This

Ooopss I just double texted

Original poster

Canunothanks · 14/09/2021 22:23

He asked for a relationship and I said let’s see how things go...

He said the prior distance he had shown was because he liked me.

Not sure if it makes any difference but it wasn’t me who wanted a defined relationship it was hi.

OP posts:

baubled · 14/09/2021 22:24

Irrespective of whether you're being over the top about him not replying, I would still wish someone who you've been linked with for 5 months a Happy Birthday

spotcheck · 14/09/2021 22:25

He also said he’s got a tendency to back off in situations where he has feelings for someone

Ah.

So he set it up beautifully so that your expectations were lowered?
And he could just roll out the ' well I warned you' if you had standards?

TheFoundations · 14/09/2021 22:25

But surely you start thinking, “hmmm - wonder if he went away without his phone charger?” or similar - not, “well I’m not texting on his birthday!” I think that’s why the responses are harsh

How come your thoughts didn't go down this route, OP?

pasturesgreen · 14/09/2021 22:26

It was 1am, so he would have gone to sleep and forgot about it come morning. It's really not a big deal, someone has to have the last word at some point. Honestly, text the guy on his birthday!

Theworldisfullofgs · 14/09/2021 22:26

A- how do you know he received your text?

B- regardless, wish him a happy birthday.

HalzTangz · 14/09/2021 22:27

@JaffaCake70

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I really don't understand why almost everyone is giving you such a hard time.

I agree 100% that it only takes 20 seconds to send a quick text and that for him not to text you all day is a bit weird and quite rude. I don't think you're being high maintenance at all.

I'd send him a quick happy birthday text and leave the ball in his court after that.

Don't take the comments on here to heart. I reckon quite a lot of the folk who are lambasting you here would be just as pissed off as you are if they didn't hear from their SO for a whole day!!

Really, I bet most OHs don't text their partners all day every day, or even once a day.

I have no need to text my OH or him we, we tend to communicate in person when both home from work. When one of us is on a work event that takes us away from home we generally wouldn't text each other either (unless some big emergency crops up)