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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not text him on his birthday?

154 replies

Canunothanks · 14/09/2021 19:38

Been seeing this guy for 5 months ish. He’s gone to see his parents because it’s his birthday (different city).

I was on a shitty work shift last night and he was texting me about it. Didn’t reply to my last text at 1am. Which is fine obviously, but it’s 930pm the next day now. No reply.

It’s his birthday tomorrow.

If he doesn’t text me back do I even say happy birthday? Seems so pathetic to double text

OP posts:
GotToGoBye · 14/09/2021 20:30

Of course you text!

Cas112 · 14/09/2021 20:30

Grow up

And send the text

Spidersinmyhair · 14/09/2021 20:33

Maybe he thinks you're high maintenance so he's backing off a bit?

thedancingbear · 14/09/2021 20:35

Maybe he’ll text you at break time op?

theresroomonmybroom · 14/09/2021 20:37

Unpopular opinion apparently but I know what you mean OP. It's hurtful to feel like you didn't cross his mind once all day for him to think to text you but everyone thinks you should jump at the chance to text him.

Maybe wish him happy birthday, but a quick message later in the day with something like "you seem busy so just a quick happy birthday from me, enjoy the rest of your day" and leave the ball in his court.

Ignore the nasty comments OP, I knew what you meant x

Sirzy · 14/09/2021 20:39

Was the text something vitally important to reply too? Hmm

If you start playing silly games over one unanswered text then it’s a dangerous game moving forward unless you happy for things to stop because your in a tit for tat text thing

Justmuddlingalong · 14/09/2021 20:41

He's possibly picking his family's brains about what is and isn't reasonable in a relationship.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 14/09/2021 20:44

If you NC quickly cause you know YABU clap your hands
If you NC quickly cause you know YABU clap your hands
If you NC quickly cause you know you crazy and don't want posters to do (advance) searchy
clap your hands

PinkArt · 14/09/2021 20:44

It’s unusual for us not to speak during the day
It's also unusual for it to be his birthday though. I totally get the over thinking with texting and do it myself but you are WAY overthinking this. Do you really want to get into game playing on his birthday?

KurtWilde · 14/09/2021 20:44

Oh good another 'just send the text' thread. Not had one of these on a few days.

lemonsyellow · 14/09/2021 20:45

Of course you send him a happy birthday message!
What are you talking about with “double text”? Just because he didn’t reply to your text sent at 1am? Did it need a reply? Or was it just chitchat? I’m shocked that you are keeping track of messages like that.

Rhubarbcrumblerules · 14/09/2021 20:47

Maybe he's busy
Maybe he's not that into you

Coronawireless · 14/09/2021 20:51

I get it too OP.
All these people saying “he’s busy because it’s his birthday and he’s visiting family”. What does visiting your family involve - open heart surgery? He can’t spare a moment send a text? To his partner of 5 months?

Coronawireless · 14/09/2021 20:51

I would wish him happy birthday though. Maybe he is hurt that you haven’t remembered!!!!!

CouldIhaveaword · 14/09/2021 20:52

If you wanted to really shake him up, you could actually use the phone to speak to him. With your voice. Immediate response and less chance of misunderstandings.

Original poster
Canunothanks · 14/09/2021 20:56

It’s not his birthday today it’s tomorrow. I don’t think grown ups have such a massive lead up to their birthdays that the day before they are too busy to communicate as normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
Canunothanks · 14/09/2021 20:58

The last text I sent was talking about a plan we were arranging. He doesn’t sleep early so I know he’s seen it. He’s had all day to send a 20 second text. I don’t get why it’s unreasonable to find that a bit... off

OP posts:
luckylavender · 14/09/2021 20:59

@Canunothanks - you sound very high maintenance

TheFoundations · 14/09/2021 21:05

@Canunothanks

The last text I sent was talking about a plan we were arranging. He doesn’t sleep early so I know he’s seen it. He’s had all day to send a 20 second text. I don’t get why it’s unreasonable to find that a bit... off
I don't get it either. You're getting roasted here and I don't know why. Would you text each other throughout the day, usually? If so, I'd expect less of that if he was busy visiting family, but nothing at all is odd, isn't it?

I think my first port of call would be checking he's ok.

Inthesameboatatmo · 14/09/2021 21:06

I know what you mean op , you know what is normal for you guys with regards to contact and if it feels off then it feels off, not much you can do other than send a birthday text and take it from there.

Umbra · 14/09/2021 21:07

You sound normal, op. It is normal to want the other person in the relationshio to do their share of communicating.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 14/09/2021 21:09

Is he in the same timezone? 2 hours can make difference tbh

Annoyedanddissapointed · 14/09/2021 21:09

Stupid. Different city is probably same timezone

MatildaIThink · 14/09/2021 21:10

I hope this is a wind up thread, because if not I feel sorry for the poor man!

lemonsyellow · 14/09/2021 21:12

Maybe he didn’t know what to say straight away and needs to think about whatever the plan is.