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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He said I was being bitchy

166 replies

triedtired · 14/09/2021 18:09

During an argument. New relationship of 6 months, he called me pathetic and bitchy during an argument. AIBU to be extremely angry? Am I being dramatic?

OP posts:
AnyOldPrion · 14/09/2021 19:50

You’re right, OP. Similar to the way I wouldn’t say “you’re bad” to a child, but would instead tell them their behaviour was bad, he shouldn’t say “you’re bitchy”. Only a short step from there to actual name calling which is undoubtedly abusive.

But as others have said, I feel you’re glossing over his original behaviour, which is 100% abusive. He said it deliberately to hurt you and now he’s manufactured a row over it.

Run now. This is a massive red flag. He’s telling you who he is. Believe him the first time.

MrsPerfect12 · 14/09/2021 19:51

I can't understand why he would do that. Seems like he is looking for a reaction then demanding an apology. Any other red flags with this guy?

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/09/2021 19:56

God, the pair of you...

Evesgarden · 14/09/2021 19:56

@MrsPerfect12

I can't understand why he would do that. Seems like he is looking for a reaction then demanding an apology. Any other red flags with this guy?
This
TheFoundations · 14/09/2021 20:00

@triedtired

He said it's hurtful I accused him of trying to start an argument
This is all too much drama for 6 months in. Find someone who makes you feel warm and fuzzy instead of all this drama.
pictish · 14/09/2021 20:00

Ding ding ding goes the arsehole detector.
There was no good response to what he said about your previous shag. It was thoroughly disparaging and designed to elicit a reaction. You either agree your standards were low or get a fucking barney. What a prick.

pictish · 14/09/2021 20:02

You weren’t bitchy or pathetic btw. You tried to handle it with calm dignity but he wasn’t going to have that.

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2021 20:03

He sounds 14. Dump!

grapewine · 14/09/2021 20:04

Such drama. Just dump. Couldn't be dealing with this level of immaturity.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/09/2021 20:05

He sounds like a weirdo and a fucking prick. Dump him, now.

For future reference, men who goad you into a reaction (especially about something to do with sex) then call you bitchy / pathetic / boring / can't take a joke or utter the words "lighten up" or "it was banter" should be immediately dumped on first offence.

Nice, normal, decent blokes don't upset or insult you then make you feel shit for being upset or insulted.

Fraine · 14/09/2021 20:06

@TheWeatherWitch

To be honest, you both sound pathetic, immature and bloody annoying. I couldn’t be arsed to be friends with either of you.

I doubt your relationship has any longevity in it.

I don’t think OP wants to be friends with you? You’re a random on the internet. A rude one at that.
GiveMeAUserName123 · 14/09/2021 20:07

It’s him whose being the bitch actually

pictish · 14/09/2021 20:08

Yes indeed. He’s bitchy. About you.

dibletdart · 14/09/2021 20:09

eh?

dibletdart · 14/09/2021 20:09

eh

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/09/2021 20:10

He's an absolute twat.

MultiStorey · 14/09/2021 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MultiStorey · 14/09/2021 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/09/2021 20:12

Oh and maybe you should have been a bitch and said why can't you believe it? I fucked you didn't I? I clearly have low standards.

DroopyClematis · 14/09/2021 20:15

You're more concerned about being called 'bitchy' than the fact that he's looked up an ex and said what he'd said?

You really have got problems.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/09/2021 20:16

The argument was because he sent a photo of someone I've slept with before him and said "I can't believe you've f him" with lots of laughing emojis. I said it wasn't funny. He carried on taking the piss and also said "I find it shocking you looked at him and thought mmm I wanna f him." I said "I am bored of this" and "message me when you're over it."

Ok, just the fact that someone found and sent me a pic of someone I'd slept with before with ANY comment whatsoever would be enough for me to end it. The words they chose to comment on it would be irrelevant. The fact that they chose to send and comment on it in the first place would be enough.

I don't think you should even bother trying to figure out if him calling you bitchy or pathetic is 'good' or 'bad' in these circumstances. You should bin him straightaway.

I'd simply text "What you did is such a gross invasion of my privacy, shows such a lack of respect for me, and is in such poor taste that I am ending our relationship. Do not contact me again" .

Redgeraniums · 14/09/2021 20:18

He sounds awful.

todaysdilemma · 14/09/2021 20:26

If you had indeed been bitchy (or catty, if you prefer it) about someone else - i.e making snide comments, slagging them off etc then there'd be no harm in him calling you out. Absolutely nothing wrong with someone calling out poor behaviour, and yes, you would also call a man bitchy for the same thing. It's the most common parlance for someone being unpleasant about someone else.

HOWEVER, you were none of those things. He is the one being bitchy actually. But for him to actually search an ex, and then slag him off to you is the height of insecurity and immaturity. So dump him and move on.

pictish · 14/09/2021 20:27

“I'd simply text "What you did is such a gross invasion of my privacy, shows such a lack of respect for me, and is in such poor taste that I am ending our relationship. Do not contact me again" .”

Sounds good to me.

Grilledaubergines · 14/09/2021 20:36

Dump. He’ll be the possessive type.