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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what she actually expects us to do?

130 replies

VirtuallyAll · 14/09/2021 15:28

My husbands ex has sent a message stating that it's not acceptable that my DSC are being woken in the night by our baby, they have told her they are tired a couple of times now apparently and they can't be tired before school so "we need to sort it".

AIBU to wonder what she actually expects us to do?

I am sleeping downstairs on the sofa with a new baby (in their basket obviously!) to try and limit the noise for the rest of the house but short of putting baby in the shed at night, we can't guarantee no one will ever be woken in the night by crying.

Baby isn't even that bad. They wake once or twice a night but it's never usually for long, they aren't left crying and crying for hours or anything like that.

I don't know whether to just ignore this? She was annoyed about DH having another DC anyway, could it just be trying to throw some sort of spanner?

DSC haven't said anything although I appreciate they may not have wanted to, but all in all they seem happy and really enjoying having a baby sibling.

OP posts:
Geamhradh · 14/09/2021 15:31

Well, tbf, newborns are bloody noisy and if their siblings are being woken several times during the night then they are going to be tired.
Let your DH deal with it, but try not to let your mutual antipathy colour what's a fair point.
Maybe have them at weekends?

RedHelenB · 14/09/2021 15:31

Ignore, she's being unreasonable

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 14/09/2021 15:33

Just tell her you have had stern words with your baby..
Ask her what consequences she thinks you should hand out..

ValidUser · 14/09/2021 15:34

When mine was a newborn we just put him in the field with a glass of almond milk. Can't you do something similar?

(Of course YANBU. She is being ridiculous.)

DeathStare · 14/09/2021 15:35

Could you get ear plugs for the DSC?

lockdownalli · 14/09/2021 15:35

Did she message you or your DP?

I would be inclined to ignore her - or get DP to send a message along the lines of Brollys suggestion Grin

Original poster
VirtuallyAll · 14/09/2021 15:36

@Geamhradh

Well, tbf, newborns are bloody noisy and if their siblings are being woken several times during the night then they are going to be tired. Let your DH deal with it, but try not to let your mutual antipathy colour what's a fair point. Maybe have them at weekends?
DH isn't going to start having them less (50:50 currently) and, even if he were to suggest that, she would never agree. That's why I genuinely don't know what she expects.

Fair point perhaps, but what are we supposed to do?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2021 15:37

She’s just trying to make life difficult!

Why are you downstairs on the sofa though? Generally speaking the parent who is looking after the baby should get the bedroom, save medical issues - the one getting the luxury of a good night sleep gets to go on the sofa!

Would the dsc wear ear plugs? My Dd (12) would, but 7 yo wouldn’t. 7 yo wouldn’t be woken by crying though!

I’ve got dc who have a baby brother from their dad so feel I’m in a position to comment - I can’t imagine complaining about the baby crying! Only other real solution is for the dsc to sleep at their other home (with her) every night!

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 14/09/2021 15:38

Did she message you or your dh? Newborn days are a great excuse to block all arse holes ime...
*if she text you...

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/09/2021 15:38

Also - I agree messages should go to your DH and not to you.

OhGiveUp · 14/09/2021 15:43

Tell her you're very sorry but you can't seem to find the baby's mute switch, they must have given you a dud.
Then ignore her.

8dpwoah · 14/09/2021 15:43

I agree with the others, get your DP to ask her what she would suggest. People always like being consulted don't they 😉

BrendaBubbles · 14/09/2021 15:45

DH isn't going to start having them less (50:50 currently)

Well unless she wants her 50% to be every night time.. she hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

FlumpsAreShit · 14/09/2021 15:45

Hahahaha oh dear, how ridiculous! My daughter's dad had a new baby when she was 12, wouldn't even think twice about it. Part and parcel of having a scrummy new baby sibling.

sillysmiles · 14/09/2021 15:49

Completely bonkers.

The DSC have a new (step) sibling. Because they are step and not full siblings should they never hear the baby cry?
What to people with newborns and school age kids who are full siblings do? They just get on with it, that's what!

Lweji · 14/09/2021 15:50

Ask her if she is offering to have you and the baby in her home when your step children are with their dad, so that they can sleep well. Wink

More seriously, I second asking her for suggestions.

I'm afraid that parents and siblings of new babies will always have more difficult nights.

RunningFromInsanity · 14/09/2021 15:50

I think if it’s bad enough that they have mentioned it then you need to take it seriously.
At least have a talk with them.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/09/2021 15:53

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

Just tell her you have had stern words with your baby.. Ask her what consequences she thinks you should hand out..
Deffo THIS!
Lweji · 14/09/2021 15:54

You could always consider the "A quiet place" solution. Grin

Original poster
VirtuallyAll · 14/09/2021 15:55

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

She’s just trying to make life difficult!

Why are you downstairs on the sofa though? Generally speaking the parent who is looking after the baby should get the bedroom, save medical issues - the one getting the luxury of a good night sleep gets to go on the sofa!

Would the dsc wear ear plugs? My Dd (12) would, but 7 yo wouldn’t. 7 yo wouldn’t be woken by crying though!

I’ve got dc who have a baby brother from their dad so feel I’m in a position to comment - I can’t imagine complaining about the baby crying! Only other real solution is for the dsc to sleep at their other home (with her) every night!

Because our room is next to DSCs so I'm trying to limit the noise they can hear by going downstairs.

They won't have ear plugs, we suggested it when I was pregnant when we were all joking about the new baby and they said they had them at their mum's because of a neighbour's dog barking and they hated them and couldn't sleep with them in.

We always ask if they slept okay, did baby wake them etc.. and they always say no.

I wonder whether they just tell each of us what they think we want to hear maybe? We will talk with them obviously but I'm still not sure what we can actually do about it.

OP posts:
Booknooks · 14/09/2021 15:57

You're already doing all you can by sleeping downstairs, there's nothing more you can reasonably do, she is being unreasonable.

DressBitch · 14/09/2021 15:57

How old are the kids?

Original poster
VirtuallyAll · 14/09/2021 15:59

8 and 10

OP posts:
LemonFantaGin · 14/09/2021 16:01

White boise machine on low in their rooms throughout the night, its a new noise, so it will wake them occasionally, they will eventually switch off to it.

LemonFantaGin · 14/09/2021 16:01

White noise 🤦🏽‍♀️