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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what she actually expects us to do?

130 replies

VirtuallyAll · 14/09/2021 15:28

My husbands ex has sent a message stating that it's not acceptable that my DSC are being woken in the night by our baby, they have told her they are tired a couple of times now apparently and they can't be tired before school so "we need to sort it".

AIBU to wonder what she actually expects us to do?

I am sleeping downstairs on the sofa with a new baby (in their basket obviously!) to try and limit the noise for the rest of the house but short of putting baby in the shed at night, we can't guarantee no one will ever be woken in the night by crying.

Baby isn't even that bad. They wake once or twice a night but it's never usually for long, they aren't left crying and crying for hours or anything like that.

I don't know whether to just ignore this? She was annoyed about DH having another DC anyway, could it just be trying to throw some sort of spanner?

DSC haven't said anything although I appreciate they may not have wanted to, but all in all they seem happy and really enjoying having a baby sibling.

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 14/09/2021 16:02

She is jealous, ignore her

OutOfSite · 14/09/2021 16:05

She's not necessarily jealous.

I know I'd be pissed off my son came back from his dad's knackered because of their new baby. I don't want to be the one putting up with him being a misery.

I agree with the white noise suggestion.

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/09/2021 16:10

Get back to your bed and ignore this rubbish. She didn't decide to only have one child to protect her eldest from the hideous imposition of occasionally hearing a crying baby at night did she?

ancientgran · 14/09/2021 16:11

@sillysmiles

Completely bonkers.

The DSC have a new (step) sibling. Because they are step and not full siblings should they never hear the baby cry?
What to people with newborns and school age kids who are full siblings do? They just get on with it, that's what!

The baby is the DSC's half sibling not step sibling. My kids used to get really upset when people referred to them as step siblings.
FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 16:13

Well how very dare you hurt the ears of her precious children. Swaddle your baby in multiple blankets and put it in the garden to sleep immediately.

icedcoffees · 14/09/2021 16:13

White noise machine in their rooms is a good idea.

And stop sleeping on the sofa! That is all kinds of bonkers.

ChargingBuck · 14/09/2021 16:14

That's why I genuinely don't know what she expects.
She expects to cause disruption, to have an excuse to bitch about something, to give you something to worry about.

Don't give her the satisfaction.
Stops trying to second guess what she "expects", & dismiss her message as the batshittery it is. It doesn't matter what she thinks about your baby. Stop letting it affect you.

Fair point perhaps, but what are we supposed to do?
Nothing more than you currently do.
Which will be precisely what DH's ex would have done, when her babies cried in the night. Her later baby/babies would have woken their older sibling/s.
What do you think she would have done about it if some random complained about it?

WhatsTheBFD · 14/09/2021 16:14

What a dickhead.

oakleaffy · 14/09/2021 16:14

If someone could find a way to quieten babies, they’d be billionaires.

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 16:15

@OutOfSite

She's not necessarily jealous.

I know I'd be pissed off my son came back from his dad's knackered because of their new baby. I don't want to be the one putting up with him being a misery.

I agree with the white noise suggestion.

I’m sure you’d feel pissed off, then you’d give your head a wobble and sympathise with your children whilst reassuring them ‘it won’t be for long’.

What you wouldn’t do is act like a bitter twat and tell a new mother to stop her baby from crying in the night. That would be unreasonable.

Lougle · 14/09/2021 16:18

You could use fans in their room as an alternative. It drowns out background noise.

Lollypop701 · 14/09/2021 16:18

Tell her that kids have told you they are used to noise, due to the dog noise at her house? Oh and ta get ta feck with stupid comments!

Kanaloa · 14/09/2021 16:18

I would just blank her. Realistically there’s no solution you can offer that will please her so I wouldn’t dignify it with a response. Small babies make noise. It’s not forever.

Lougle · 14/09/2021 16:19

If she has two children, you could ask what she did to stop her older one from being disturbed by the younger one....

OutOfSite · 14/09/2021 16:19

@FreeBritnee I'd ertainly be discussing it with my ex husband to see if there's anything we could do to alleviate the issue.

lynntheyresexpeople · 14/09/2021 16:19

Bless your heart, you're already sleeping downstairs! That's more than I would do.
I would reply as above, that you and the baby have had a heart to heart, and they've agreed to stick to crying at more appropriate hours as not to disturb their older siblings. And then ignore any further messages. Absolutely ridiculous. Newborns are sleep stealers, part and parcel of it. Maybe get the kids some ear plugs

Cuddlemuffin · 14/09/2021 16:20

She is being completely unreasonable. I can't believe you have agreed to sleep downstairs to be honest! Give the chn ear plugs to use if they want to and the option of white noise (although for kids that age they'd probably prefer wave sounds as it's a lot more pleasant). I'd just reply, 'Im doing what I can'. Leave it at that. She obviously celant remember what it's like to have a baby or just choosing not to empathise.

AdaColeman · 14/09/2021 16:24

Tell her you'll ring her every time the baby cries at night, so she can sing lullabies to it down the phone. Wink Wink

But much more important than that, is for you to get back into your own bed. Why are you being a martyr so that the rest of the family can sleep? Had your DH forgotten that babies cry?

ThorsLeftNut · 14/09/2021 16:26

you answered your own question… off to the shed you go! 😂

BillyJoe111 · 14/09/2021 16:26

Oh, just ignore her.

My ds father was the same. I had dd when ds was 11, first term of secondary school.

His dad thew his toys out the pram that secondary school was so important, ds would suffer when the baby woke. Ds never even heard a peep.

It was just based in jealousy that we had a new baby.

Notaroadrunner · 14/09/2021 16:28

FGS get back to your own bed and stop pandering to this nonsense. Millions of kids the world over have to just suck up crying siblings. It comes with having more than one kid. She had more than one child - Did the 2nd one never cry, possibly waking the first one. She clearly has a short memory. All you need to do is ignore her bullshit.

starfishmummy · 14/09/2021 16:28

I wonder whether they just tell each of us what they think we want to hear maybe?

This is always possible. It is also possible that the kids have said nothing and she is trying to stir up trouble.

But thinking about what pp said. Maybe hout DH could offer to have his share of the 50/50 from 7am to 7pm (or other time) every day keeping the other 50% to her

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 16:29

[quote OutOfSite]@FreeBritnee I'd ertainly be discussing it with my ex husband to see if there's anything we could do to alleviate the issue.[/quote]
Well that would be silly if you then. Babies cry.

Knittingupastorm · 14/09/2021 16:30

[quote OutOfSite]@FreeBritnee I'd ertainly be discussing it with my ex husband to see if there's anything we could do to alleviate the issue.[/quote]
But what would you possibly be expecting?

The OP is already sleeping on the sofa ffs. That’s already above and beyond what she should be doing in my opinion.

Original poster
VirtuallyAll · 14/09/2021 16:31

Thanks, I will go back to to the bed I think! I didn't actually do that because ex or the kids said anything. I was just trying to be considerate but yes it is a bit stupid and I'll be glad to see my bed again I think!

OP posts: