To wonder what she actually expects us to do?

[VirtuallyAll]

My husbands ex has sent a message stating that it's not acceptable that my DSC are being woken in the night by our baby, they have told her they are tired a couple of times now apparently and they can't be tired before school so "we need to sort it".

AIBU to wonder what she actually expects us to do?

I am sleeping downstairs on the sofa with a new baby (in their basket obviously!) to try and limit the noise for the rest of the house but short of putting baby in the shed at night, we can't guarantee no one will ever be woken in the night by crying.

Baby isn't even that bad. They wake once or twice a night but it's never usually for long, they aren't left crying and crying for hours or anything like that.

I don't know whether to just ignore this? She was annoyed about DH having another DC anyway, could it just be trying to throw some sort of spanner?

DSC haven't said anything although I appreciate they may not have wanted to, but all in all they seem happy and really enjoying having a baby sibling.

The baby will grow up and (eventually) start sleeping through the night. Unfortunately, it sounds like that will happen more quickly than the ex stops being a pain in the arse

@Fizzbangwallop

The baby will grow up and (eventually) start sleeping through the night. Unfortunately, it sounds like that will happen more quickly than the ex stops being a pain in the arse

Oh I have no doubt about that 🤣🥴

Well that would be silly if you then. Babies cry.

They do, but I don't think making my son a priority is silly.

@ValidUser

When mine was a newborn we just put him in the field with a glass of almond milk. Can't you do something similar?

(Of course YANBU. She is being ridiculous.)

Such sensible advice 🤣

What Lougle said!

*But what would you possibly be expecting?

The OP is already sleeping on the sofa ffs. That’s already above and beyond what she should be doing in my opinion.*

I'd be expecting a bit of consideration for his other child.

I agree, she shouldn't be sleeping on the sofa, that is not a solution.

Was going to suggest white noise and keeping doors closed or at least closed to.

Also make sure there are lots of soft furnishings / sound absorbing things - eg carpets, curtains etc in the rooms.

@sillysmiles

Completely bonkers.

The DSC have a new (step) sibling. Because they are step and not full siblings should they never hear the baby cry?
What to people with newborns and school age kids who are full siblings do? They just get on with it, that's what!

They're half siblings, not step siblings.

It's just part of having a baby in the family isn't it. But if you want to be nice you could put white noise in their rooms so they aren't disturbed.

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

Just tell her you have had stern words with your baby.. Ask her what consequences she thinks you should hand out..

Brilliant! 😂

Do the kids actually even get woken up by the baby? My 2yo comes into our bed in the middle of the night sometimes. Baby is in her basket and if she cries 2yo doesn't stir.

@OutOfSite

Well that would be silly if you then. Babies cry.

They do, but I don't think making my son a priority is silly.

Sorry, when I said silly I meant idiotic and ridiculous.

Sorry, when I said silly I meant idiotic and ridiculous.

I don't think making my son my priority idiotic or ridiculous either.

@OutOfSite

*But what would you possibly be expecting?

The OP is already sleeping on the sofa ffs. That’s already above and beyond what she should be doing in my opinion.*

I'd be expecting a bit of consideration for his other child.

I agree, she shouldn't be sleeping on the sofa, that is not a solution.

What would your solution be then? What can they realistically do to show a bit of consideration for the other children?

I would simply say that you are doing all you can to minimise sleep disturbances to everyone in the house but beyond that there is nothing you can do.

@OutOfSite

Sorry, when I said silly I meant idiotic and ridiculous.

I don't think making my son my priority idiotic or ridiculous either.

How about you think about all the children in your precious child’s extended family? The one that’s just been born and the older one who has the capacity to understand that babies cry and it’s a temporary problem. It’s a life lesson for compassion abd understanding if you choose to make it one.

The youngest won't have the door closed, absolutely no way. We could broach it again with them but they really don't like it.

They do have an air purifier in their room which makes a bit of noise, but we could look into some sort of white noise machine.

OP please please don't engage with her on this one. I wouldn't entertain any nonsense about trying to keep a newborn quiet, you will only stress yourself out and that's not healthy for you. And to be fair the crying doesn't magically stop at a certain age. My two year old is currently having absolutely epic tantrums over the most minor issues. Yesterday being the fact I wouldn't let her help at the cooker when she decided she would like to play with a pot of boiling water so please don't try to be made to feel you are doing something wrong when you absolutely are not. Go back to your bed and enjoy your time with your baby.

Dc with a baby sibling sometimes get woken. It is just part of life. You can offer them ear plugs I suppose.

She is talking like your baby is nothing to do with dsc!

What would your solution be then? What can they realistically do to show a bit of consideration for the other children?

As I suggested, white noise really helps to mask sounds in the night. My son has a fan on in his room, mainly because he's always hot, but as his room is at the front of the property it helps to mask car and people noises outside.

Also, as others suggested, keeping doors shut, adding soft furnishings for sound deadening. And just having an adult conversation about it.

My partner's ex had another baby when their daughter was 9. The daughter is now 11 and the 'baby' is still crying. Poor girl barely gets any sleep when she's at her mothers.

Silly woman - just ignore.

She is not really bothered about the noise and its effect on the children, she is pissed off that he is happy and having a further child. This is her route for having a dig.

Ground the baby.

How about you think about all the children in your precious child’s extended family? The one that’s just been born and the older one who has the capacity to understand that babies cry and it’s a temporary problem. It’s a life lesson for compassion abd understanding if you choose to make it one.

Because the new baby is not my priority, my son is. I can have empathy with the situation but I'm not going to prioritise my ex's new baby over my own child 🤷🏻‍♀️

If there are multiple DSC then the older one(s) have clearly survived the ordeal of a baby sibling already. She has clearly chosen to forget this. They'll be fine. The waking is (relatively) short-lived. Do not engage. Enjoy your baby.

My partner's ex had another baby when their daughter was 9. The daughter is now 11 and the 'baby' is still crying. Poor girl barely gets any sleep when she's at her mothers.

But if she lived there 100% hat would just be her life and she'd get used to sleeping through it.