Page 4 | To wonder what she actually expects us to do?

sillysmiles · 14/09/2021 17:04

@girlmom21 @ancientgran
Yes sorry, half not step.

But my point though being, if they were full siblings and lived there 100% - they would just have to get used to it - like all children with younger siblings.

ManifestDestinee · 14/09/2021 17:06

@sillysmiles

Completely bonkers.

The DSC have a new (step) sibling. Because they are step and not full siblings should they never hear the baby cry?
What to people with newborns and school age kids who are full siblings do? They just get on with it, that's what!

Half, not step. These terms are not interchangeable, they have very different meanings.

vixeyann · 14/09/2021 17:08

Next door have their grandaughter stay often. She is older but still wakes often and is loud. My son's room is the connecting wall so we started playing a heavy round sound so the noise is minimised and he's left likely to wake. Seems to work and plenty of sound type machines on Amazon for £20 or so x

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 14/09/2021 17:10

Get the baby a reward chart. They get a gold star if they sleep through the night. Once they get a week of gold stars, they get some Haribo. That works for newborns right? You just have to reason with them.

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 17:12

@OutOfSite

How about you think about all the children in your precious child’s extended family? The one that’s just been born and the older one who has the capacity to understand that babies cry and it’s a temporary problem. It’s a life lesson for compassion abd understanding if you choose to make it one.

Because the new baby is not my priority, my son is. I can have empathy with the situation but I'm not going to prioritise my ex's new baby over my own child 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well aren’t you lovely.

OutOfSite · 14/09/2021 17:13

Well aren’t you lovely.

So you'd prioritise someone else's child over your own. Fair enough.

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 17:14

[quote sillysmiles]**@girlmom21* @ancientgran*
Yes sorry, half not step.

But my point though being, if they were full siblings and lived there 100% - they would just have to get used to it - like all children with younger siblings.[/quote]
Exactly. Making a huge fuss over it is amplifying the fact they are merely visitors in the home. If they lived there full time and we’re full siblings they would have to just suck it up and over time they would adjust and the siblings relationship would cement.

Pallisers · 14/09/2021 17:14

@OutOfSite

Sorry, when I said silly I meant idiotic and ridiculous.

I don't think making my son my priority idiotic or ridiculous either.

yes but what precisely would making your son a priority entail? Baby goes to boarding school? Son stops seeing his father? Lots of useless and stressful (to new mother) complaining about baby crying so everyone knows your son is your priority and you couldn't give a fuck about the baby? What exactly would complaining do in this situation? no one wants to hear their baby cry - as whoever can easily solve that one would be a billionaire.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/09/2021 17:16

@Geamhradh

Well, tbf, newborns are bloody noisy and if their siblings are being woken several times during the night then they are going to be tired. Let your DH deal with it, but try not to let your mutual antipathy colour what's a fair point. Maybe have them at weekends?

It's not really a fair point though, if the SC's mother had a new baby they would have to deal with it presumably

Polkadots2021 · 14/09/2021 17:18

@VirtuallyAll

My husbands ex has sent a message stating that it's not acceptable that my DSC are being woken in the night by our baby, they have told her they are tired a couple of times now apparently and they can't be tired before school so "we need to sort it".

AIBU to wonder what she actually expects us to do?

I am sleeping downstairs on the sofa with a new baby (in their basket obviously!) to try and limit the noise for the rest of the house but short of putting baby in the shed at night, we can't guarantee no one will ever be woken in the night by crying.

Baby isn't even that bad. They wake once or twice a night but it's never usually for long, they aren't left crying and crying for hours or anything like that.

I don't know whether to just ignore this? She was annoyed about DH having another DC anyway, could it just be trying to throw some sort of spanner?

DSC haven't said anything although I appreciate they may not have wanted to, but all in all they seem happy and really enjoying having a baby sibling.

To be fair, babies are very noisy at nights, and the kids might be really suffering for it but they don't want to upset you by saying it. I guess the only option is for them to stay at their mums during every week, not sure what else you'd possibly be able to do? You can't keep a baby quieter!

OutOfSite · 14/09/2021 17:18

yes but what precisely would making your son a priority entail? Baby goes to boarding school? Son stops seeing his father? Lots of useless and stressful (to new mother) complaining about baby crying so everyone knows your son is your priority and you couldn't give a fuck about the baby? What exactly would complaining do in this situation? no one wants to hear their baby cry - as whoever can easily solve that one would be a billionaire.

I wouldn't be complaining. I'd be having a sensible grown up conversation with my ex about what we can do to help my child. See my suggestions below. I've said nothing about stopping the baby crying, that would be ridiculous. I have made suggestions about what could help the child.

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 17:18

@OutOfSite

Well aren’t you lovely.

So you'd prioritise someone else's child over your own. Fair enough.

Oh my god how many times do people have to explain!! It’s a baby. Babies cry. There is literally nothing the mother can do that she hasn’t already done bar the child staying in the mothers house until the baby grows up.

By raising it as an issue the mother is potentially fracturing the siblings relationship by turning it into an issue. What the mother could do is sympathise with the child. Offer ear plugs or white noise for the child’s room. But mostly they could empathise with the situation and explain to their child that it’s not forever.

What they wouldn’t do if they had an ounce of decency in them was ring the ex and demand his new wife/partner keeps her baby quiet in the night.

IntermittentParps · 14/09/2021 17:22

Sorry if this has been answered, but did she text you or your DH?
In either case, I think 'smile and nod and carry on' is all you can/should do.

OutOfSite · 14/09/2021 17:22

*Oh my god how many times do people have to explain!! It’s a baby. Babies cry. There is literally nothing the mother can do that she hasn’t already done bar the child staying in the mothers house until the baby grows up.

By raising it as an issue the mother is potentially fracturing the siblings relationship by turning it into an issue. What the mother could do is sympathise with the child. Offer ear plugs or white noise for the child’s room. But mostly they could empathise with the situation and explain to their child that it’s not forever.

What they wouldn’t do if they had an ounce of decency in them was ring the ex and demand his new wife/partner keeps her baby quiet in the night.*

I agree that demanding that the mother quieten the baby is ridiculous. I've not suggested I agree with that. I have suggested white noise and other things to help the older children. And sympathising with the child is all well and good, but it doesn't help them sleep.

Just to be clear, the ex is out of line in this situation, I've never said her behaviour is a acceptable.

Lachimolala · 14/09/2021 17:25

Messages should be going to your partner not you.

Also just ignore her, it’s not necessarily jealously on her part but I’ve known many women go all weird when the ex has a new baby and start making mountains out of molehills. Which is exactly what’s happening here.

You’re sleeping downstairs, have offered earplugs and advised them to keep the doors closed. This is more than enough, babies aren’t babies for long so they can deal with it (if they even are being woken up which seems unlikely to me).

I’d not even give her the satisfaction of replying, she’s being silly because she knows full well from having two children herself babies are going to make noise for a short while, she’s spoiling for a text row so I wouldn’t give it to her.

OutOfSite · 14/09/2021 17:25

I'm leaving this thread now, I've given my suggestions, that's all I came on to do. Not get into slanting matches with people who have nothing better to do.

OP good luck with your new baby, make sure you get back into your own bed ASAP. And let your partner handle his ex.

Thelittleweasel · 14/09/2021 17:27

@VirtuallyAll

Earlier to be for all of them?

LakieLady · 14/09/2021 17:29

Buy them a tent and let them sleep in the garden.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 14/09/2021 17:32

sounds to me like its a bit of sibling rivalry kicking in, OP, Do nothing just carry on and dont let it upset you but it does sound like a bit of jealousy which was to be expected,Keep the kids involved and it will shut the daft witch of a mother up,Not your fault or your lovely new babies fault either. Smile and say sorry kids sure you did the same when you were that age,Its a new thing and will take a while to settle down,Dont be upset just carry on they will alll come around and shut up soon enough, Look after you OP and see this for what it is, its nothing really just a bit of petty jealousy,they will get used to it,

Unsubscribed · 14/09/2021 17:35

Congratulations on your newborn OP.
Ignore the ex she's being ridiculous.

But buckle up as it seems likely that this will be the first of many episodes to come.

DomPom47 · 14/09/2021 17:35

She sounds so reasonable bless! Her kids never cried clearly. Ignore. Don’t even respond to her pointless remarks.

Tooembarrassingtomention · 14/09/2021 17:36

They won't have ear plugs but what about Bose noise cancelling headphones?

Mynameismargot · 14/09/2021 17:36

@OutOfSite

*But what would you possibly be expecting?

The OP is already sleeping on the sofa ffs. That’s already above and beyond what she should be doing in my opinion.*

I'd be expecting a bit of consideration for his other child.

I agree, she shouldn't be sleeping on the sofa, that is not a solution.

Their a family though, that's what happens in families. Babies come along scream for a bit and then grow up. Babies aren't considerate. This is their sibling not some random baby.

Wheresthebeach · 14/09/2021 17:39

Don’t engage with this sort of nonsense. It really is just spoiling for a fight. Just respond with a bland…yes…babies do cry don’t they…and ignore the stirring. There is nothing you can do about it and she know it

Mymapuddlington · 14/09/2021 17:42

Just tell her you’ve grounded baby and stopped pocket money so not to worry.