‘Nice’ Things That Aren’t Actually

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Just a random musing.

Breakfast in bed- lovely idea, reality is you need to get up for a wee and then a tray is plonked on your lap, and groggy from sleep you are supposed to exclaim in delight over bits of pastry flaking into your sheets and slopping coffee down yourself and trying to subtly get the sluggy bits of fat off the bacon because you usually just get medallions.

Relaxing massage- I went the other day and I kept thinking ‘I’ll switch off and enjoy it in a minute’ but just kept thinking about whether to get the tube or the bus home and if there are oven chips in the freezer or not or if I watered my peace lily last week and if not it’s probably died. Then it was finished and it cost me £80.

Anyone got anything they can add to things that sound so nice as an idea but in reality are just not really?

Fireworks displays.
Noisy, unimpressive and usually expensive.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Martinis. I suspect that only about 3% of people who order them actually like them.

I was out with a friend who ordered a dirty martini - basically a martini with an olive and the brine from the bottom of the olive jar thrown in - and I could not stop retching at the smell.

Bath Chocolate Olivers.

Not having a dishwasher because there are only two of us.

[Takes deep breath in...]

Wearing pyjamas or "lounge-wear" at home during the day with either bare feet or slippers.

I've tried it but I always end up feeling morose and scuzzy by about 2 pm, it's far to easy to waste the day falling asleep on the sofa dressed like that, and it's a right pita having to change clothes if you need to nip out with the dog/to the shops/to the bin/for a family emergency. It's easier to get cold, it's not practical trying to clean and cook wearing pjs, and nor is it imho, particularly hygienic. OK I suppose if you change in to a new pair for bed, but if you are going to do that anyway, why not wear practical clothes in the first place?

[And breathes out ...]

Espresso martinis are the only acceptable martini.

I’m actually considering that @Letsallscreamatthesistene. I hate all this pressure so I think I’m going to be just like my nan who always went to bed at 10 on NYE

These are ace!

For me it’s 100% baths. Supposed to relax you and whatnot, then you see a suspicious floatie and you realise you are just lying there in your own filth and hair follicles… and no not the kind of floatie you pictures thankfully!

Gifts of almost any kind - the feeling of guilt! The expectations of reciprocation!

Romantic dinner for two.

Oops - far too easy

Asparagus

Pedicures

Staying up late

Hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and grated chocolate on the top – practically a religion for half of MN but I cannot sign off on this practice, wading through all that bloody gumph to drink some sweet cocoa.

Yes yes yes – or rather, no no no – to baths, spa days (and any beauty treatment, from nails to hairdressers), staying in PJs. Staying in PJs is for when you’re grotesquely ill, and even then you’ll generally feel better with a good wash and clean clothes.

Oh yes, gifts.

You are doing massages wrong. Either you haven't found a therapist that suits you, or you need to learn how to be a good massage client. Possibly both. Almost definitely the latter.

If you are thinking about how you are getting home and about oven chips, you need to refocus. Start focusing on your breathing, or on how the massage feels. Feel yourself sinking into the massage couch with every out breath. Allow yourself time to just be in the moment. It will make the world of difference.

I agree with breakfast in bed though. Highly overrated. As well as being a houseguest. Very pretty cakes are very often disappointing, tasting mediocre despite looking amazing.

Going to the Restaurant with a toddler

I also hate baths (what's the point? What are you meant to do?) and naps – just make me feel jetlagged and grouchy.

Also asparagus. I don't get it.

I will defend afternoon tea and Bourbon biscuits to the death though.

Valentines Day.
Having to eat pink food and being squashed in a restaurant with as many other couples as they can fit in all desperately trying to be romantic.
Bunches of overpriced roses and pink wrapped chocolates which will be on sale for half price the day after.
No thanks

Weddings. Awful food, non religious people in church, kids running about shrieking on the dance floor all evening.

If you are thinking about how you are getting home and about oven chips, you need to refocus. Start focusing on your breathing, or on how the massage feels. Feel yourself sinking into the massage couch with every out breath. Allow yourself time to just be in the moment. It will make the world of difference.
Massages are bad enough but now I’ve got to do fucking HOMEWORK for one? Jog on.

Also baths. Always feel like a beached whale, which isn't relaxing at all, and never feel as clean as I do in a shower.

See also hot tubs, saunas, plunge pools - all made worse by having to be in the company of other people without many clothes on.

NYE (but I think everyone knows that)
Having my hair cut (just awkward and I feel like I have to chat and/or apologise for the state of my hair)
Most puddings and cakes you have out (unless really good brownies or sticky toffee pudding)
Pretty much any shop bought cake (unless cherry bakewells or marzipan cake)
Takeaway coffee (often rubbish)

Saying that I love baths, the beach and cocktails (gotta be quality spirits to justify the price though!)

Flowers. You just stick them in a vase and watch them die. I’d much prefer a pot plant or even fake flowers.

Food sex.

I agree with the majority of these, but someone mentioned pizza? Pizza is amazing! With all the various options I could probably eat one most days of the week!

Christmas markets. The theory is lovely but the reality not so much.
Thousands of people shoving past you to look at tacky mass produced market tat.