Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people would stop saying childless

278 replies

Moolihooli · 14/09/2021 00:17

Watching loose women today, Katie Piper - not for the first time - used “childless” in reference to women without children.

Previously she has also said that she dreads employers who are childless because they lack the empathy for women with child care needs.

I wish people would stop using “childless” as a description for people who are not parents.

OP posts:
mydogisthebest · 14/09/2021 13:36

@EdgeOfACoin

'Childfree' is an obnoxious term.

I spent a while on childfree forums when I was trying to decide whether or not to have children. I soon realised they were full of people complaining about 'breeders'. (I thought they would be using their free time to discuss far more interesting topics. It was quite the eye-opener.) I now have very little respect for people who actively use that term.

The people who don't want children and who don't care if others do seem much more chilled about being described as childless from what I can see. They've got better things to think about.

I don't think childfree is an obnoxious term. I never wanted children but don't call mothers "breeders".

I don't want to be called childless because, to me and many others, it seems to infer I did want children but couldn't have any.

That is not the case for me. I am child free - free from all the hassle and stress

KeepSmiling89 · 14/09/2021 13:37

What about basic terms of 'parents' and 'not parents'...?
IMO, it's nobody's business why people choose to have children or not unless that person explicitly tells them.
Also, on a side note, why get so annoyed about a loose women panelist/guest's comments? The show is so rubbish it astounds me how these women get paid so much for...Well...what exactly?

LittleGwyneth · 14/09/2021 13:56

Childless is horrible. I agree that childfree does make it sound like kids are a burden, but if you're lucky enough to have kids and don't feel that they are a burden, it probably it matters less to hear it described as such.

It's a shame there is no neutral expression between the two, which doesn't imply that it's a sad thing (childless) or that children are a drag (childfree).

ManifestDestinee · 14/09/2021 13:59

Childless suggests I am still grieving. I’m not

It doesn't suggest that at all. It doesn't suggest anything. It's a factual description that you don't have any children, for whatever reason.

Child-free by choice works for me

That's nice for you but unless you wear a badge saying so, nobody else knows that and they're hardly going to ask.

The implications and inferences are only what you are choosing to put on to a term that doesn't actually mean those things.

riromay · 14/09/2021 14:01

🙄

SquirryTheSquirrel · 14/09/2021 16:35

I soon realised they were full of people complaining about 'breeders'. (I thought they would be using their free time to discuss far more interesting topics. It was quite the eye-opener.)

... and this is the answer to the question that always pops up - why are childfree people on Mumsnet? Because most of us don't define ourselves by being childfree - any more than I imagine most women would be happy to define themselves purely as a 'mum'. We are friends, colleagues, pet-owners, followers of hobbies, readers, film-watchers, wives, girlfriends, daughters, neighbours, consumers - just as mums are - but we happen to be childfree.

CyanideInTheFishPaste · 14/09/2021 16:38

I'm without progeny and I'm on MN because I love people's messy drama.

FinallyHere · 14/09/2021 17:06

Homeless = no home
Toothless = no teeth
Childless = no children

Perhaps, but people do need homes and teeth in a way that they really don't need children.

MeAndDebbieMcGee · 14/09/2021 17:10

I feel sad for all the homeless toothless childless people now 😢

5zeds · 14/09/2021 17:15

Is the opposite of child free, child bound?
ShockGrin.

brokenbiscuitsx · 14/09/2021 17:29

People without children/ those who don’t have children?

Childless sounds like you’re missing something and not complete. It sounds like a negative societal judgement (which of course even in 2021 it is!)

As someone dealing with infertility I just find it crass. What’s worse though is the strange assumption that you can’t have empathy towards people with children… like somehow it’s impossible to be empathetic against anyone who doesn’t share your life etc. I don’t know about you but I can’t emphasise with deaf or blind people at all Confused

brokenbiscuitsx · 14/09/2021 17:30

@FinallyHere

Homeless = no home Toothless = no teeth Childless = no children

Perhaps, but people do need homes and teeth in a way that they really don't need children.

Yes this. It’s the implication you are without something essential
ManifestDestinee · 14/09/2021 17:32

Childless sounds like you’re missing something and not complete. It sounds like a negative societal judgement (which of course even in 2021 it is!)

No, that's your take on it. It's not inherent in term, people put it there.

ManifestDestinee · 14/09/2021 17:33

Yes this. It’s the implication you are without something essential

you're imagining it.

MossRock · 14/09/2021 18:05

Let’s not forget about people who no longer have children because their child sadly died.

‘Childfree’ must surely be far more insensitive to those people than ‘childless’. As if being reminded wouldn’t be painful enough without the implication of it being a freedom from a burden or cost.

Interest free. Tax free. Mortgage free. Good things. As said ‘homefree’, ‘toothfree’ are very different to homeless, toothless.

Women’s bodies being ‘hairfree’ is generally considered a good thing (rightly or wrongly) And when it isn’t, eg on women’s heads, we don’t say ‘hairfree’ we say something less loaded and more tactful. Imagine losing your head hair to cancer and someone describing you as hairfree. I don’t think many people would enjoy that.

Whatever the issues with childless beyond it’s simple meaning of without, I just can’t see childfree as an improvement.

People’s without children seems to much hard work for some though.

lazylinguist · 14/09/2021 18:05

Childless sounds like you’re missing something and not complete.

Why are posters repeatedly ignoring the examples which have been given by multiple people on this thread of words ending -less which do not indicate this? Painless, faultless etc.

You are choosing to interpret it to mean 'incomplete through lack of children'. Look it up in the dictionary- it doesn’t mean that. It simply means 'without children'.

lazylinguist · 14/09/2021 18:09

People without children seems too much hard work for some though.

It's not about effort though. People use gazillions of words every day. They aren't usually actively seeking ways to cut down the number! There is a word, so people use it.

firstimemamma · 14/09/2021 18:18

I have a child and describe myself as 'child free' when I'm shopping alone or whatever. Imo 'childless' is better as if avoids any potential confusion.

SecretSpAD · 14/09/2021 18:51

So, basically, some parents object to actual childfree women using a term that describes their reproductive status because they want to use it to describe their situation when they haven't got their children with them.

Righto.

AudacityBaby · 14/09/2021 19:02

I prefer the phrase “last of my line”.

Don’t have a view on -free or -less but I definitely have an issue with someone saying they dread working for a boss without children. I like it when I work for a boss without children as I feel like they won’t automatically prioritise parents.

LakieLady · 14/09/2021 19:18

I think the origins of "childfree" are to do with people who actively choose not to have children, and want that to be known. The "default" has been that most people WILL have and want to have children, so people wanted a way to say up front that they'd decided against it

That's why I refer to myself as "childfree".

LakieLady · 14/09/2021 19:26

@CyanideInTheFishPaste

I'm without progeny and I'm on MN because I love people's messy drama.
I'm on MN because I like the swearing.

So few forums allow it...

brokenbiscuitsx · 14/09/2021 19:34

@lazylinguist

Childless sounds like you’re missing something and not complete.

Why are posters repeatedly ignoring the examples which have been given by multiple people on this thread of words ending -less which do not indicate this? Painless, faultless etc.

You are choosing to interpret it to mean 'incomplete through lack of children'. Look it up in the dictionary- it doesn’t mean that. It simply means 'without children'.

Because it’s how it makes me feel and I won’t apologise for it. I don’t give a flying crap if lots of people have come on here and said it means X, it makes me feel like Y. That should be enough for you to understand.
MeAndDebbieMcGee · 14/09/2021 19:39

Ok

leftovercoffeecake · 14/09/2021 19:41

Also there’s a huge difference between not having children because you don’t want them and not having children because you can’t. To me, a negative pregnancy test would be the best and most relieving thing in the world. To someone who isn’t childfree by choice, I imagine it’s heartbreaking.

I like having different terms for the two rather than lumping everyone into one group as childless (or childfree) because they’re very different experiences.