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Original poster

To wish people would stop saying childless

278 replies

Moolihooli · 14/09/2021 00:17

Watching loose women today, Katie Piper - not for the first time - used “childless” in reference to women without children.

Previously she has also said that she dreads employers who are childless because they lack the empathy for women with child care needs.

I wish people would stop using “childless” as a description for people who are not parents.

OP posts:
Porridgeislife · 14/09/2021 07:59

@twinningatlife

Why is there this culture of outrage at everything these days? 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure a woman who desperately wanted a child but couldn't have one would find "childfree" a bit insensitive too since it implies she deliberately didn't want them and is better off without one

To me the term "childfree" is almost like implying you are free of some disease or something 🤣

And genuine question to the childless/childfree/non parent/without issue etc - do you hand on heart genuinely empathise if a parent comes to you with child care issues or are you inwardly rolling your eyes and judging?? because my experience in the workplace is that employers and line managers who do have children just "get it" whilst there is an air of suspicion from those that don't that I'm slacking off in some way?

I don’t have children yet (sad tale of infertility) but the least flexible manager I have worked with had 7 children. He used to refer to WFH as days off and ask people if they were working half days if they arrived a minute after 9am, or left at 5pm.

Naturally, his wife facilitated his entire career along with slave wage au pairs.

MacSmirving · 14/09/2021 08:12

I'm unable to have children and would describe myself as 'childless'. I don't feel it has any judgement, positive or negative, in it.

I'd prefer not to be described as 'child-free' as it implies I made a choice and doesn't acknowledge what I've been through.

However, I understand that no-one can tell, on the face of it, whether I'm childless by choice or not so I wouldn't take offence at someone describing me as 'child-free'.

Fifthtimelucky · 14/09/2021 08:12

I don't particularly like childless or child-free. Both imply that having children is the default. In my view there should be no assumption that having is the norm and that those without children are unusual - especially as it is only likely to be women who are likely to be described in this way.

I would rather describe people with children as parents. I'm not sure a term is needed for people who aren't parents. If it was relevant I'd just say that I/they didn't have children.

godmum56 · 14/09/2021 08:13

@twinningatlife

Why is there this culture of outrage at everything these days? 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure a woman who desperately wanted a child but couldn't have one would find "childfree" a bit insensitive too since it implies she deliberately didn't want them and is better off without one

To me the term "childfree" is almost like implying you are free of some disease or something 🤣

And genuine question to the childless/childfree/non parent/without issue etc - do you hand on heart genuinely empathise if a parent comes to you with child care issues or are you inwardly rolling your eyes and judging?? because my experience in the workplace is that employers and line managers who do have children just "get it" whilst there is an air of suspicion from those that don't that I'm slacking off in some way?

I am gonna say that depends and not on their parental status. Just like every other kind/group of people, there are the fearsomely organised, the couldn't run a piss up in a brewery, the CF's, the entitled, the genuinely sideswiped by life and all blends and permutations of the above. I would say that I did do the internal eyeroll when people continually had attendance problems for whatever reason and the implication was that their circumstances made them more special than all the others and more deserving of special treatment. Really honestly, I didn't much take notice of what the reason for the attendance issue was so much as how frequent it was, what was offered in terms of reparation and what the person brought to the team.
RandomLondoner · 14/09/2021 08:15

The only connotation I see in childless is a man or a woman who hasn't got children....which is a bare statement of fact

If you describe someone as not having something, child-less, home-less, gorm-less, humour-less, etc, there is a mild implication that there is something they should have that is missing. (I did actually want to come up with some "-less " words that are examples of things that would or might be considered good, but other than child-less, I couldn't think of any. Maybe someone else will come up with examples. If there are very few examples of words like this that describe positve things, that in itself reinforces the idea that "childless" describes an undesirable state.)

BiteyShark · 14/09/2021 08:15

@kaleidoscopeheartless

Childless or child free who cares it all means the same thing just different ways of saying it!

On another note if your are child free why are you on a parenting forum 🤦🏼

Report us childfree/childless and get MN to kick us out Wink

You do realise that it isn't a requirement to join and that the majority of topics have nothing to do with children and lastly childless/free people can contribute in conversations with those with children.

FastFood · 14/09/2021 08:21

Don't have kids by choice, and I couldn't care less whether people call me childless, childfree, Miranda, Office Chair or Spag Bol.
What matters to me is that I maintain that life without kids as it is.

CounsellorTroi · 14/09/2021 08:26

What about non-parent?

LindaEllen · 14/09/2021 08:27

@gardeninggirl68

Does the rest of the world know we are now not saying 'childless'?

Is it child free and home free now then?

Woah, different things there.

Having no children is not the same, nowhere near the same, as having no home.

Can you see that?

mydogisthebest · 14/09/2021 08:29

As someone who chose not to have children I prefer to be called childfree.

Childless sounds like you are lacking something (children obviously) and I certainly am not

lazylinguist · 14/09/2021 08:31

I would happily have been referred to as childless before I had children tbh. To me, childless is a neutral word meaning 'without children'. A word with the suffix '-less' is not necessarily a word referring to the lack of a good or desired thing - how about 'faultless', 'selfless' etc? Whereas the suffix '-free' seems much less neutral to me - it very much implies that the thing you don't have is a bad thing that you wouldn't want.

UsedUpUsername · 14/09/2021 08:31

@SmileyClare

yes, homeless is judgemental

I disagree. The piece linked there suggests referring to a homeless person as "a neighbour in need" which to me is vague and open to interpretation. Or describing someone as "a person struggling with homelessness" which means exactly the same thing as being "homeless" but is inferring that the person is struggling.

Getting caught up in the semantics of wording seems pointless to me.

I’ve seen people use the term unhoused lately, which I guess implies that some people choose it and that’s ok 😂
Generallystruggling · 14/09/2021 08:33

Not entirely sure what term is PC then, can you enlighten us all? I’d say child free personally, unsure whether that works? So hard to keep up nowadays. Watched a video on BBC news last night where women were called menstruators. Even women is an offensive term now.

SunShinesBrightly · 14/09/2021 08:34

Is it child free and home free now then?

Odd comparison.
Homeless people are in a desperate situation.
People who CHOOSE not to have children are not.

Zeal · 14/09/2021 08:38

The conflicts arise because the focus is on trying to use one word.

What is wrong with saying ‘they have no children’. It’s perfectly good English.

TitoMojito · 14/09/2021 08:38

I've generally heard that "childfree" means doesn't have children by choice and "childless" means wants children or had children but does not have any currently through no fault of their own.

DeepaBeesKit · 14/09/2021 08:38

When did everyone get so easy to offend?

People read so much into everything these days. No assumes people mean well? Why can't we all just assume no one means any offence and go about our day.

Why would you assume people are implying anything more detailed than simply having no children? People really don't care enough to be thinking any more about the why etc of it.

"childless" is about as brief and factual as you can get.

CrunchyCarrot · 14/09/2021 08:39

I prefer 'childfree'. I also get really annoyed at the implication that if you don't have kids you don't have empathy. That really ticks me off. Angry

00100001 · 14/09/2021 08:39

@BasicDad

Childless is a negative connotation though, as is homeless and YANBU.

Childfree is much better and implies choice.

Shame about those who have no choice....
HumunaHey · 14/09/2021 08:40

@StMarysKettle

It seems like people with children don't like the term childfree because it implys children are a burden. For some of us who very easily made the choice not to have them, they absolutely are a burden and not one we want to be saddled with. So we should hang a label we don't like on ourselves to make you feel better about a lifestyle choice you made (and yes it is a lifestyle choice).

Childless implies a lack - I am definitely not lacking anything by not having kids so I say childfree.

There should be a bitter post bingo.

These types of threads always descend into bunfights because some will inevitably pop up asking why thechild free/less are on MN and some childfree/less will pop up with provocative statements.

CounsellorTroi · 14/09/2021 08:46

@MossRock

The term does matter to many people

A neutral, factual description is better. So ‘childless’, or simply not being lazy and saying ‘people without children’

Childfree carries an implied ‘freedom’ so it is far from a neutral term.

Childless isn’t neutral either. It implies something lacking, that having children is the default, the norm.

I couldn’t have children but am at peace with it and am happy with my life. Still I have not forgotten the pain of the ttc/IVF/post-IVF-but-hoping -for-a-miracle years and will always empathise deeply with anyone going through that.

lazylinguist · 14/09/2021 08:48

Childless implies a lack

Says who? Does faultless mean you feel the lack of a fault? Does blameless mean you really wish someone would blame you?

-less is neutral
-free is not

It seems more sensible to use the neutral term, since not everyone regards children as a burden and not everyone regards them as a gift.

SunShinesBrightly · 14/09/2021 08:49

@Zeal

The conflicts arise because the focus is on trying to use one word.

What is wrong with saying ‘they have no children’. It’s perfectly good English.

Exactly this. I have several 50 something friends who don’t have children. I don’t describe them as anything. If anyone were to ask specifically I would say ‘they don’t have children’. It’s very simple.
EishetChayil · 14/09/2021 08:52

I prefer "potential birthing body that has not given birth". Nice and succinct. Doesn't offend anyone.

PurpleDaisies · 14/09/2021 09:02

@EishetChayil

I prefer "potential birthing body that has not given birth". Nice and succinct. Doesn't offend anyone.
My body is not capable of that. I am offended.