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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to put daughter into nursery

142 replies

lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:00

Hi everyone

Im feeling pretty sensitive right now so please no nasty comments.

Am I being unreasonable in the fact id like to put my daughter into nursery 2 days a week - starting in 6 months time (which will make her 22 months old)

I am a stay at home mum and my husband works very long hours...id really like to put my daughter into nursery 2 days a week, both so I can focus on doing something for myself like starting a business and so my daughter can socialise more.

I love being a SAHM but I do miss having something for 'me' like my own money and my own ambitions. My dad also passed away two weeks ago today and I feel like the grief of this is also making me crave time to myself, as I'm sure we all know with a toddler days are pretty noisy and I'm finding I can't sit and process or even think about what has happened with my dad.

My husband doesn't agree with sending our daughter into 'paid' childcare because I am at home, and I just don't know what to do. Our health visitor has also recommended starting nursery for socialisation.

Thankyou

OP posts:
MeredithGreyishblue · 13/09/2021 18:02

Sounds reasonable to me. She will come to no harm and you'll feel better for it.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:03

That's what I said to my husband but he doesn't agree with me having time alone or time to myself for 'me' and having to pay for childcare so I can have that...

OP posts:
mairiflowers · 13/09/2021 18:04

YA obviously NBU! And at this age it will actually be really beneficial for her development and socialisation.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:06

At the moment my husband is saying to me if I want her to go to nursery I will have to pay for it out of the inheritance I receive from my dads as he won't pay for me to have time to myself via our daughter going into nursery.

OP posts:
MeredithGreyishblue · 13/09/2021 18:07

He's not playing as a team. His/your money makes it tough when you have children.

You're not unreasonable unless you can't afford it.

PotteringAlong · 13/09/2021 18:09
  1. can you afford it?
  2. how much time alone will he get for himself for ‘him’? It’s absolutely fine for you to have time to yourself, but it needs to be fair.
MadeOfStarStuff · 13/09/2021 18:10

So sorry for your loss OP Flowers

As long as you (as in you and DH, not just you individually) can afford it then YANBU

Your DD will be well cared for and safe, and you will have breathing space, which is something we all need.

Does DH feel he never gets time to himself? Are you both able to work that into your week so you both get some regular time to yourselves?

Cheesewiz · 13/09/2021 18:10

She will benefit from socialising at that age and you can focus on your business adventure, not unreasonable at all

Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:11

Yes, we can afford it and he has the weekends and every evening to himself. He goes out multiple times a week without even communicating with me that's he's going out, so often I'll be sitting at home wondering what he's up to and he'll roll in drunk on a Monday night at 3am, without even a simple text to say he's going out after work

OP posts:
Miranda15110 · 13/09/2021 18:12

Tell hubby it's time he looked at his working arrangements to help out if he's so keen she doesn't go to nursery. She will benefit from interaction with other kids immeasurably. I'd probably start looking for part time work as well to give you something for yourself.

SpudleyLass · 13/09/2021 18:12

Definitely go for it OP. I agree with the health visitor.

I'm not saying this would happen to you but my daughter is now 3 years old and remains largely non verbal. I had to pull her out of nursery last year due to the pandemic, regrettably and we don't live anywhere near family/friends so we think this has had a big impact on her social skills.

If I could do it all again, I would have started her in nursery much earlier.

SpudleyLass · 13/09/2021 18:13

Also, your husband sounds like an utter pig.

Its him I'd be having second thoughts about, not the nursery.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:13

@Miranda15110 that's exactly what I'd love to do, just a little part time job so I have something for me too and a little bit of money to call mine

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 13/09/2021 18:13

Then I wouldn’t be spending money on sending my daughter to nursery when I didn’t need to in that case, because I would be saving every penny I could ready for the divorce…

Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:14

@PotteringAlong don't worry, that's in the pipeline already 😬😅

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 13/09/2021 18:15

Your husband is an abusive bastard.

PotteringAlong · 13/09/2021 18:16
Flowers
Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:17

@nimbuscloud 😬😬

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 13/09/2021 18:17

Your DH isn’t coming across well here. It’s fine to want time to yourself.
Can you afford it as a family?
Did you make it clear that you’d be using some of the time to try and bring in some money.
How much of this is a reaction to losing your dad do you think? Because this proposal isn’t a short term solution to your grief if you’re going to wait 6 months to send her.

BrendaBubbles · 13/09/2021 18:18

Unless you go to lots of toddler groups and have play dates, nursery will do your DC a lot of good at this stage. Nothing as annoying as a 4 year old who’s not learnt to play with others rocking up at reception.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 13/09/2021 18:19

YANBU. Send your DD to nursery, more than likely she will love it and make friends. You will get more time for yourself, to work on ditching your controlling husband. Hes worried you will have more time to yourself and realise there is a big world out there and you dont have to put up with his bollocks.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:20

@Smartiepants79 I've been wanting to put her into nursery at around that age for a long time, but since the passing of my dad it has made me crave quiet time...I've said I want to do something for myself and he can't see why

OP posts:
Ozanj · 13/09/2021 18:21

@lollypop29

Hi everyone

Im feeling pretty sensitive right now so please no nasty comments.

Am I being unreasonable in the fact id like to put my daughter into nursery 2 days a week - starting in 6 months time (which will make her 22 months old)

I am a stay at home mum and my husband works very long hours...id really like to put my daughter into nursery 2 days a week, both so I can focus on doing something for myself like starting a business and so my daughter can socialise more.

I love being a SAHM but I do miss having something for 'me' like my own money and my own ambitions. My dad also passed away two weeks ago today and I feel like the grief of this is also making me crave time to myself, as I'm sure we all know with a toddler days are pretty noisy and I'm finding I can't sit and process or even think about what has happened with my dad.

My husband doesn't agree with sending our daughter into 'paid' childcare because I am at home, and I just don't know what to do. Our health visitor has also recommended starting nursery for socialisation.

Thankyou

You and your DH have to be on the same page.
Original poster
lollypop29 · 13/09/2021 18:22

My husbands making me feel like a terrible mum for wanting her to go into nursery 😞 it's only 2 days a week and I can't pour from an empty glass.

OP posts:
Isanyholeagoal · 13/09/2021 18:22

Don’t you get 15 hrs free when your dd is 2 anyway?