Wanting to put daughter into nursery

[lollypop29]

Hi everyone

Im feeling pretty sensitive right now so please no nasty comments.

Am I being unreasonable in the fact id like to put my daughter into nursery 2 days a week - starting in 6 months time (which will make her 22 months old)

I am a stay at home mum and my husband works very long hours...id really like to put my daughter into nursery 2 days a week, both so I can focus on doing something for myself like starting a business and so my daughter can socialise more.

I love being a SAHM but I do miss having something for 'me' like my own money and my own ambitions. My dad also passed away two weeks ago today and I feel like the grief of this is also making me crave time to myself, as I'm sure we all know with a toddler days are pretty noisy and I'm finding I can't sit and process or even think about what has happened with my dad.

My husband doesn't agree with sending our daughter into 'paid' childcare because I am at home, and I just don't know what to do. Our health visitor has also recommended starting nursery for socialisation.

Thankyou

I was a SAHM for 3 years before returning to work. Needless to say it was bloody hard!

When my son was 2.5 yrs old we started using a nursery for a couple of half days a week, predominantly because I was completely frazzled and needed a break. My husband completely understood and supported this!

We then slowly built up to full days before I returned to work. It was so beneficial for him and meant that when he started school he was confident and went without a backwards glance.

So it's two fold really, it will be great for your child's confidence and social skills AND you get a much needed break which you're perfectly entitled to. Doing non stop child care for 12 hrs plus a day can be soul destroying.

@TeachesOfPeaches

I'm a single parent but would be pretty pissed off to work full time for someone to stay at home and then also pay hundreds of pounds in childcare on top

@TeachesOfPeaches

So anyone who is a SAHM doesn’t deserve any time to themselves, outside of bedtime for their child(ren), even if their partner is a shit and doesn’t help out and can go out gallivanting and come back whenever they please?
Get your priorities straight.

@discombobulatedonion I couldn't imagine waking up and not having to worry about paying the mortgage, putting food on the table plus paying for childcare and working full time (as I have done since my son was a baby). SAHM sounds pretty easy to me.

@TeachesOfPeaches

When I was a SAHM, it killed me inside. I had postnatal depression, PTSD, anxiety, along with ADHD. My son was a high needs baby, and my then husband was a piece of shit who didn’t help at all and isolated me from my entire family and friends. I was exhausted, with low self esteem. My then-husband didn’t let me have access to any finances so I was constantly worried if the rent was getting paid or not.

Don’t you dare come here and think that just because you think it’s easy, that it IS easy. Your attitude to this matter is disgusting.

@TeachesOfPeaches

I've been practically a SAHM for the entirety of the pandemic.

Its not at all easy and because I consider my marriage to be teamwork ( I do work weekends) - I do in fact share in any financial woes.

Imo, being a working parent is easier - especially if you know you can put the childcare onto somebody else whether that be a spouse or formal daycare for a good part of the day, 5 days a week.

My 3 year old just started preschool, 1 day a week and whilst I am looking for another job to fill in that day, I'm going to let a couple weeks slip by so I can get some much needed me time. My DH has no problem with that because he knows it benefits us all.

Yes, we can afford it and he has the weekends and every evening to himself. He goes out multiple times a week without even communicating with me that's he's going out, so often I'll be sitting at home wondering what he's up to and he'll roll in drunk on a Monday night at 3am, without even a simple text to say he's going out after work

^^
This is abusive. He doesn’t agree with you having time to yourself but he has loads and unlimited. Fuck that!

I’d be looking at leaving him and having EOW to myself.

If he doesn’t want to pay for it, he makes the time to you on evenings and weekends

If he doesn’t want you to leave him that is.

@discombobulatedonion OP doesn't have any of the problems you have so her experience as a SAHM does sound pretty easy

Nothing wrong with divorcing first - the court will take into account your housing needs (and your child’s) as the first consideration in the financial settlement.

@TeachesOfPeaches you would hate me and our setup

DP has even offered to INCREASE DSs days at nursery whilst I’m on maternity leave we haven’t actually decided yet, on a see how it goes basis.. all covered by him.. including getting a cleaner once a fortnight.

I agree with @SpudleyLass, so does DO, being a working parent is easier.

DO=DP

[quote TeachesOfPeaches]@discombobulatedonion OP doesn't have any of the problems you have so her experience as a SAHM does sound pretty easy[/quote]
@TeachesOfPeaches

She has a partner who goes out and comes back whenever he wants and doesn't expect to do any form of childcare. I'm glad you're able to go out and work full time and don't have to be a SAHP, but it really is more stressful than people sometimes care to admit and I hope one day, you get humbled and come down from your tower.

OP I'm pretty sure you posted the other day about your husband on here, correct?

In the kindest way possible, your problem is your husband. He's an arsehole.

You need to tackle this before you sweat any of the (relatively) small stuff. Get out, then divorce him, and then get back to work.

I realise this is harder than it sounds and that it's going to take some planning. But you need to get out of the mindset of thinking "how can I tweak this" to thinking: "I have to get out of this awful marriage before I do anything else".

The rest will fall into place once you get away from this man.

I’m a SAHM and my dd goes to nursery 2 mornings a week. She’s been going since she was 13 months and I put her in mainly to socialise as all the toddler groups in our village have been closed since March 2020 so I was worried about the lack of being able to meet other children.
We can’t afford it in my partners salary though so I pay for it using money I earn online as a web content moderator.
My dd loves it so it’s definitely worth it IMO and it’s great having some time to myself :).
When your child turns 2 you have the option of a cheaper playgroup/preschool so I’d consider that.

@TeachesOfPeaches how on earth do you know what problems I have outside of Mumsnet? Get a grip.

@thepeopleversuswork no, I didn't post on here the other day about my husband x

@Adelais what's a web content moderator? Is that something you have to study to be?

@discombobulatedonion the OP can get a job if she doesn't wish to be a SAHM, especially as it's apparently so much easier.

[quote TeachesOfPeaches]@discombobulatedonion the OP can get a job if she doesn't wish to be a SAHM, especially as it's apparently so much easier.[/quote]
@TeachesOfPeaches

I'm not sure if you're a troll, dense or really just a massive arsehole. It could be a combination of all three. You don't know the OP's personal circumstances (albeit, neither do I) but maybe if you stopped being so self-righteous, you might actually see that everyone's experiences and circumstances are different. Obviously, she can't get a job if her partner won't even look after THEIR child properly.

Are you the husband, by any chance?

[quote lollypop29]@thepeopleversuswork no, I didn't post on here the other day about my husband x[/quote]
Apologies, I am confusing you with someone with a similar username and story.

My point still stands, though. Your problem is your husband. Tackle that before you tackle the rest.

Live in W nice bit of SW London, very common round here even for mums who weren’t planning to start up their own business etc. If you’re doing solo parenting and can afford it it sounds like a v sensible idea!

@discombobulatedonion it's really easy being a single full time working parent with no local support! All SAHM should try it! Especially when the baby is 8 months old, ideal and so easy!!

@TeachesOfPeaches

You have a vile attitude. I’m done here. Way to have a civil conversation.

[quote TeachesOfPeaches]@discombobulatedonion it's really easy being a single full time working parent with no local support! All SAHM should try it! Especially when the baby is 8 months old, ideal and so easy!! [/quote]
@TeachesOfPeaches I'm also a FT working single parent with no support. It doesn't prevent the rest of us from having some empathy with the OP's position.

It's not a competition.

YANBU
My DC often does a half day in childcare on my day off. The time to myself keeps my mental health on an even keel.