Anyone else ever secretly impressed with how cheeky people can be?

[2ndtimemum2]

Having read another thread where a woman was asked to go 40 minutes out of there way to drop someone elses child to school, or the poor woman who's been asked to give daily injections to her neighbour because her kids couldn't be bothered has gotten me thinking are these people absolutely mental or how are people brazen enough to make these requests?

It seems like a daily occurance where a poster seems to deal with some crazy cf!!! I don't think I'd have the actual nerve or be brazen enough to make some of the ridiculous requests that people have made so I'm secretly impressed that there's these group of people who don't even think twice about these off the wall requests!

^^ And no, I wasn't secretly impressed at all! I was completely unimpressed and my face probably showed it!

It’s really good to grow a CF radar!

I try and spot a CF and back off their radar completely.

That is because I’m not a naturally assertive person, and get quite stressed being ‘put on the spot’. It takes a lot out of me to say no and I hate the fall out. I’m not going to change into a confident assertive person overnight, so I protect myself with CF radar!

Thinking about that. What do you do when it’s a step family who are CFs?! (My experience). Or MIL (not my experience)

It’s not like you can get away from them. Esp in step families - as a step mum you are supposed to be accommodating at all times. My eldest step daughter was, and still is, a complete CF.

• She wanted me and DH to look after her baby for a week ‘for practice’.
• Had lifts three times a day from DH on weekends to her job, which she took without having a car, very far away, so me and DH could never, ever, do anything on weekends together.
• Wanted to move in with her baby ‘for babysitting’ (which would have been me)
• Gave us her old furniture (which we didn’t want) as she didn’t want to pay for a skip, we had to bring it to the dump as charities didn’t it, and then she charged us hundreds of pounds for them.

@NCBlossom ahhh you know you should share some of these on the SP board (actually probably don't as the pitchforks will come and burn the place down)

The problem is with blended families, a awful lot depends on how guilty DH feels for having a a second family and enables bad behaviour and doesn't correct it, which then these kids go into adulthood with a weird sense of the world owes me something because it always had before. Problem is the world doesn't care in the slightest and it's a massive shock to them.

I had a friend that sounds like your a SD and I used to say are you joking and she would be like "They owe me, robbed me of a chance of a whole family." But used to brag about being able to get away with whatever she wanted as both parents felt guilty for falling out of love. Weird as her parents split up and both parents got remarried much later on.

You don't see so many CF come from typical large families unless the behaviour has been allowed from a early age. Blended families seem to produce more than their fair share. Which is unfortunate for the kids when they become adults, as my friend was a mess when she realised the world didn't spin for her and it got her into so much hot water repeatedly throughout her life because she just couldn't shake the privilege.

@candlelightsatdawn yes you are so right. Dad’s often feel very guilty with their daughters I find. This SD is now older and has found a husband who does everything for her, just like her Dad!

Many CFs are pretty successful because they find people all the time to do stuff for them.

Although you are right, sometimes they don’t and then it all blows up. My cousin was a CF all her life and has spent her adulthood in one crisis after another, because she can never keep a job (takes months off sick - she’s not sick) and hates all her flat mates.

I have a FRIEND she moved home and decided to have a garden party. I helped tidy garden, made a herb garden trimmed hedge. Upholstered chairs upholstered tables, made glasses by sewing fabric and buttons then embroidered.did front garden more than once. Day of party, got a phone call, can you eat before you come as I didnt get time to make food so we are having pizza and I know you cant eat them! Taking into account I'm not well. C F sorry queen of cheeky F

Upholstered chairs upholstered tables, made glasses by sewing fabric and buttons then embroidered

You what??! You upholstered chairs and tables and made glass?

Yep I bloody did, out of cable reels, it was a sea theme. Upholstered some for stools and covered some with wipeable fabric for tables. Glasses were made from jam jars. That's what she wanted so thats what I did.

Oh it was fancy dress too

The post about people helping each other back in the day... I wasn't around then so I don't know the truth of it but modern day example.

I remember as a kid our neighbour across the road from the same ethnic background as us went abroad. She gave her house keys and we would keep an eye on her house, putting lights on/off etc every day. Never ever thought of it as a big favour but something neighbours do.
She wasn't a take take take person though. As in she made amazing food and would send it randomly, when they had large family gatherings etc and didn't need to consider us but did. If we ever fancied eating her speciality dish we'd buy the ingredients and she would make it.
Likewise we sent food over too. Never needed to give the keys to our house when away but you can tell the respect is mutual and no cheeky background.

On the other hand I grew up and moved away and everyone seems to ask me for things. Eg we were planning on setting up a childrens club for a certain activity which requires parents to watch over and gives an opportunity to bond over a fun activity. One lady called me to her house to connect and give ideas on how to run it etc and we finalised many points then at the end of 3 hours proceeded to say to me that she never planned on attending and was looking for us to look after her kids so her husband can have a rest in the day with her. ??? You can tell who is not on my contact list anymore. Wasted my time.

Before this, one lady asked me if I can tutor her three little children. I said yes why not. I lived in the next block of apartments to her and was happy to come to her apartment on the ground floor. No, she wanted to send them up three flights of stairs to mine alone (they were all under 5), so she can have a break with her husband. She wasn't even going to pay so that would be unpaid childcare, tutoring, changing nappies (?) and they used to take everything out of cupboards when she used to visit so no idea how they'd be under my supervision. Forget that. I kept saying it would be unsafe for them to climb up these stairs alone and it would be much better at her place but I soon realised all these people wanting unpaid childcare. Nope. Not me.

Met a woman at my second evening pub job. Seemed nice I had recently had a split dv involved. She would suggest me going out with her ok cool. Bare in mind I also had a full time job during day. Just finished work one Friday she phoned oh hi what u up to tonight, I thought she was suggesting a night out oh no she can’t afford a babysitter so could I do it! (By this point she had broke up with her lovely husband)Ffs anyway she kept trying that one I was always busy as it was a long drive from where I actually lived. And if I ever went out with her I stayed at parents house. She used to go around when supermarkets had cafes in and pull the last week when I was in here the food was awful and she would get free meals. She would rotate places for her and kids to eat.
She was having a clear out and I had just moved and had nothing apart from cooker and basics she offered me an old small sofa that had been taking up space I would be doing her a favour as well she said after all the babysitting I had done.
Well one evening she tells me she doesn’t need friends just a man and stopped contacting me. She only contacted me as she wanted the old sofa back that she had given me over 8 months ago.

Years ago I was pissing about on fb when I saw an urgent appeal from a single mum desperate for help-her benefits had been stopped for some reason

She had no money,no food-nothing

Her mum had gone away for a week and she was stuck-kids dad refused to pay and she had to depend on herself as she was single

Could anyone help by bringing food round to feed her and her 5 kids?

I’ve been that skint,so I got her address off her and raided the freezer/cupboards/ fridge (at this point I was a single mum on benefits myself)

Went to the shop and bought a few quids worth of juice and other basics

We jumped into a taxi and got there (other side of town so it cost me a fortune)

She was really grateful-she had nothing and I was just pleased to have helped-as I’ve said,I’ve been there and couldn’t bear to see a kid go hungry

She added me on fb-and fuck me,she posted the following week that they where all going on holiday abroad-her,the kids and her fella!(the one she claimed not to have)

Never again-I actually cried at that one

I don’t respond to any begging posts I see now

That's horrible

When I began work at 16 I was quite quiet and submissive. Then I saw people getting away with things like walking to the front of the bus queue and getting off with things in work. So I started to do these things. First I was quaking with fear inside but I steeled myself and gradually I got up the nerve to just do it. For most of my life I have never stood in a queue, just walked up to the front. I got off with murder in the workplace, but in more subtle ways and became an expert at looking like I was always busy. So I am also quite good at spotting others who try it on and cutting them down to size.

I have a 'friend' who calls me to ask me to go on a dog walk with her every week but not take my dog.

^

😂

I've had a few, all around childcare in one way or another.

When I was a SAHM I got a fair few childcare CFs. The type who think as you're at home you don't mind looking after their kids as well. I got good at swerving those as they were generally ones who suddenly became very friendly for no reason.

I had one once who unbeknown to me had added me as her emergency contact at the school if her child was ill. The school rung me once to ask me to collect the child who was ill as the mum wasn't answering. I said no bloody way! I knew the mum quite well but she had never asked me.

I find if people are CFs in one area of their life then they are in all.
I have a friend who has to practice a skill for work a certain number of times to stay accredited. She would ask me every time she had to do this and was quite pushy about repeating sections over and over again which took hours. The last time I did it I was there for 2 hours doing the same annoying task. Afterwards I sat in her kitchen for a catch up, as you would if you were actually a friend visiting and not just the hired help. She clearly wanted me out as soon as possible. Next time she asked I said no.

The same friends DCs used to be very good friends with our DD. Thankfully not anymore. But for about 9 months before covid, they would turn up every weekend and basically spend all day Saturday and Sunday at our house. The 3 of them were old enough to go out to the park and shops in the local area without an adult, but we liked to stay home or very local in case anything happened. CF friends would disappear off to the local town shopping or get the train to places which meant we were the kids carers. It also meant we were providing meals to them, sometimes lunch and dinner. They rarely even had our DD in return . They even on several occasions invited her over after school and then sent her home when they were having their dinner . The DCs are older and no longer friends, which is good. I like the friends in social situations and small doses but that's it. They need boundaries.

simitra
🤮

@Noshowwithoutpunch

I have a 'friend' who calls me to ask me to go on a dog walk with her every week but not take my dog. I've recently stopped answering the phone.

Why does she do this?

I have a similar situation. On my days off I always drop dc at school then do a long walk with the dog. I try to do it straight after school drop off to give me a few hours to get jobs done before school pick up.

Friend keeps asking me to go on a bike ride instead and I keep having to say that it’s difficult as I can’t take the dog, but the dog will still need to be walked, but she’s welcome to walk with us instead. And that if I dog walked and then came back and went for a bike ride afterwards, not only would I be knackered, but it wouldn’t leave me much time before pick up! It’s a bit awkward as she keeps going on about it!

@Onlyfoolsandhorseswork

That was a lovely thing to do. It's people like her who ruin it for the genuine people in need.

Now you would never do that again thanks to her scutty behaviour and who can blame you.

[quote Closetbeanmuncher]@Onlyfoolsandhorseswork

That was a lovely thing to do. It's people like her who ruin it for the genuine people in need.

Now you would never do that again thanks to her scutty behaviour and who can blame you.[/quote]
Thank you-I felt a real dick over it
It’s really stopped how I try to help-before,I was a real ‘pay it forward person’
Not anymore

@simitra

When I began work at 16 I was quite quiet and submissive. Then I saw people getting away with things like walking to the front of the bus queue and getting off with things in work. So I started to do these things. First I was quaking with fear inside but I steeled myself and gradually I got up the nerve to just do it. For most of my life I have never stood in a queue, just walked up to the front. I got off with murder in the workplace, but in more subtle ways and became an expert at looking like I was always busy. So I am also quite good at spotting others who try it on and cutting them down to size.

Not sure why you're stating this like it's something to be proud of.

Ditto

I agree with the pp who said covid exposed a whole new layer of CF.

In fact it has made me see quite a few people in a different light since!

One friend managed to convince her work (school) she was vulnerable due to undiagnosed anxiety and also needed to supervise the home schooling of her dcs (despite them being 18 and 16!) She wangled being furloughed for the best part of a year in total. She also wangled, through begging friends, a vaccine for her and her dc in the early days.

Used to be a doornet, then had the lightbulb moment. Happy to help out in times of genuine need but the rest can go hang. It ain't happening anymore.

Just remembered one, from a former workplace. Someone on another team asked for unpaid leave for the summer. It wasn't possible, due to workload.
She openly told the others (apart from her boss) that she was taking it anyway. She got her doctor to certify her for sick leave, a virus, took three months off, and returned with a tan.