Anyone else ever secretly impressed with how cheeky people can be?

[2ndtimemum2]

Having read another thread where a woman was asked to go 40 minutes out of there way to drop someone elses child to school, or the poor woman who's been asked to give daily injections to her neighbour because her kids couldn't be bothered has gotten me thinking are these people absolutely mental or how are people brazen enough to make these requests?

It seems like a daily occurance where a poster seems to deal with some crazy cf!!! I don't think I'd have the actual nerve or be brazen enough to make some of the ridiculous requests that people have made so I'm secretly impressed that there's these group of people who don't even think twice about these off the wall requests!

@pombear4949

Part of the issue is people who DO go along with their mad requests for one reason or another, which validates the A) people that it was reasonable and fine to ask because they’d say no otherwise, or the B) that you can get away with it as long as you find someone too passive to say no

///\
this

I know I should say no and I think my friend plays on that. eg how do I say no I cannot take your child to school when I'm going that way myself to drop my own kids off. The problem here is that her child has (undiagnosed) special needs and is difficult to manage and also hates my child to the point i cannot leave him in the same room as my child. Also, how do I say no you cannot borrow cash when she knows full well I have it (I earn a lot more) but she has either over spent or over committed herself, which is why she needs to borrow money (usually around £450 a time, not talking £20 here and there). I don't mind helping someone, but mixed in with all the other asks makes me reluctant.

In Alanon they call this enabling. It comes from codependency and doesn't help the person asking take responsibility for themselves at all.

@officecat

Some good friends off mine who live in another country asked if they could come and stay for a week. I was a single mum at the time and I didn’t have the space to welcome her and her husband. The lovely man I was seeing then said that they could stay at his house, perfect! The CF then asked if another couple (I didn’t know them) could come too. Again, lovely boyfriend said yes that’s fine. CF then called me about picking them up from the airport, a four-hour journey there and back if the traffic is ok. I said I wouldn’t be able to do that as I didn’t have enough room in my car for all four of them and my son. She said just leave your son at home, he was 8 at the time 😆. After I gave her all the other options, as in train, taxi, bus, she hung up, then blocked me on everything and hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s been lovely 😃

Well done. That must have been a difficult conversation but just showed how disposable she thought you were. Talk about using!

My sister is one of a kind. Our relationship has always been up and down. DH and I got married 10 years ago and I asked her to be my Chief Bridesmaid. She refused saying she didn’t want ‘all eyes on her’ all throughout the wedding day.
So I asked my cousin instead. But this didn’t stop her making ridiculous demands up until the day of the wedding -

1. She wanted to walk down the aisle on the other side of my Dad as he gave me away. (For context when she got married, her and her partner flew to Antigua and had specifically decided not to invite any family or friends so she had the opportunity to walk down the aisle with him but didn’t.)
2. Despite refusing to be part of the bridal party, she wanted a place at the top table.
3. Her husband couldn’t come to the wedding but I still allowed her a plus one so that she could have a friend with her. She knew I needed to know the persons name for the seating plan and place cards but refused to tell me until the day of the wedding.

Needless to say, she did not walk down the aisle with me and my Dad, she did not sit at the top table (mainly due to lack of space) and her friend was simply named as ‘Guest’ at the table.
Still boils my blood to this day.

Oh and whenever she wanted to discuss my big day she would call it ‘this f*king wedding’. Also, my boyfriend proposed on Christmas Day and his own brother was getting married the day after Boxing Day. I wanted to tell her first. No word of a lie, her first reaction was ‘aren’t you p*seed off that he has done it so close to BIL & SIL’s wedding’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ If anything the timing made me more excited! She really is a piece of work.

I probably fall into this category but I think there's a C as well. I live on my own, am pretty self sufficient but sometimes I need help. I'm certainly closer to B than A but I would do anything I could to help anyone (often by suggestion rather than needing to be asked) and maybe that makes me think people will likewise be happy to help me. Thanks for the food for thought - maybe they aren't !!
I get that some people take the piss and want everything for nothing and really hope people don't think that way of me when I ask for help.

I was the the intended target of some stranger CFery, unfortunately for them, I was not the meek little woman they thought I would be and didn’t stand for it!!

Was flying to India back in 2010 in the 5 day gap between 2 stints of industrial action by BA cabin crew. Part of the upshot of this was you couldn’t choose your seats and us to take what was allocated for your party; friend and I were separated and in different sections of the aircraft. My seat was an aisle one on the outside section of 3 seats. Along came the people sitting in the seat next to me and 2 seats the other side of the 4 seat middle section, it was 2 men and a boy no more than 3-4 years old. While they were losing their luggage into the overhead bins I could hear the conversation between the two men which went along the lines of ‘put the child next to her and she can look after it while we sit over there’ other man replied ‘shouldn’t we sit one of us here and one with the child?’ 1st man ‘no, it’s what women are for!’

Anyway, once they had sat down. I rang the bell for the attendant and explained what had been said and that I was not spending the following 9 hours looking after the young child of a total stranger when I wasn’t even sitting with my travelling companion let alone hadn’t been asked to. Cabin steward went away for a few minutes and then came back to say my friend and I had been upgraded to the next level of seating as they had 2 together and, as I was collecting up my belongings, I heard him go over to the 2 men and told them that one of them had to sit with the child while the other one sat alone where the child currently was - as had been explained to them at check in!!

They were not impressed to have their plans ruined while my friend and I enjoyed a much more pleasant flight to India than we would have had!!

@Lunaticmess

I have one of these CFs, who left her kids with me ‘for the night’ and then went on holiday. Only found out when I had a video call from her at her beachside resort. Needless to say, every favour she’s asked for since has had a negative response. If she can be so brazen, I’m never saying yes again. Still can’t believe anyone could do that.

Wait: what? How long did she leave the kids with you?

One of my friends seems to think that because I drive, any plans we make are up to me to drive her and her children about even though I have 2 children of my own in the car and live miles away from her.

I booked tickets to the zoo, she asked what I was up to that weekend so told her about my plans for the zoo. She said it sounded good and text me the night before asking what time I was picking her and the kids up. I said I'm not because I will have my husband and 2 kids and I can't fit everyone in the car so will meet her there. She said it was too out the road, she wouldn't make the 10am slot and she was trying to get a refund for the tickets because she had no idea I wasn't going to pick her up and that she would have to get the train.

Trips to the park with the los when my eldest is at school always involves her wanting to go to the supermarket afterwards.

Any daytime plans involve me going to her house, she never comes to mine.

I appreciate bus travel with 2 toddlers is difficult but I can't be the one who does all the travelling. I have a toddler of my own. Sometimes I get the bus to hers with toddler because husband has the car.

My married friends who thought they were doing me a favour by asking me to look after their three young primary/secondary school children in their house far outside London for two weeks (during the school term) whilst they went on holiday to Mexico.

I had no car, worked full time and barely knew their children.

They were annoyed when I said "No" as they had kindly given me "first refusal".

Not sure what they were thinking... 🌹

The worst we've had was on holiday at a campsite in France. Our DC befriended the kids on the next pitch and played together a bit. One morning we were heading to the beach and next doors kids were following us along the path. They were only about 8 and 6years.
We said you can't come along here without your Mummy and Daddy, to which they replied "They've gone out for the day and said to stick with you guys today".
No we weren't even a tiny bit impressed.

Oh I've remembered another!
We had 3 DC in 4 years and as life was stressful and childcare was so expensive, we decided I would give up my career for a few years to be a SAHM.
When DD started reception, I couldn't believe the number of Mums who asked if I could have their DC over the half term or summer holidays (for free). DD wasn't friends with these children either.
We also got a lot of comments about how lucky I was not to have to pay for childcare.....well actually it's costing me my £35k salary a year
You wouldn't ask a childminder to look after your child for free, so why ask a random school mum?

@RAFHercules

The worst we've had was on holiday at a campsite in France. Our DC befriended the kids on the next pitch and played together a bit. One morning we were heading to the beach and next doors kids were following us along the path. They were only about 8 and 6years. We said you can't come along here without your Mummy and Daddy, to which they replied "They've gone out for the day and said to stick with you guys today". No we weren't even a tiny bit impressed.

What did you say when the parents returned??

I've only ever had one school mum CF but soon caught on, everyone did and no one answered their phones to her as she was always late picking up and if you did take her kids, she would be incredibly late picking them up. So so weird, I still follow her on Insta and she seem to continue in the same vein while showing off her fabulous lifestyle

07:45Rememberallball

I had something similar on a flight to Turkey. I was in an aisle seat separated from my travelling group and ended up sat next to a women who within minutes of take off got up and marched down the airplane before returning with a 5 or 6 year old girl whom she promptly dumped next to me before heading back to sit next to her mate. She was a very sweet chatty girl but 300 renditions of 'Let it go' later from her iPad did strain things a little during the four hour flight. Because I was sat right at the back we had to wait a while before we could disembark, to my horror I could not see the mum in the empty cabin Infront of me so walked the girl to the front and informed the cabin crew who found the pissed parent and mate waiting at the top of the air bridge.

I often wonder if these problems are made up but they're so bizarre they're probably not. People who enable these cfs have only themselves to blame, imho

@Shallwegoforawalk

We have a "free" local page where people from the village can put up used items they no longer need and see if anyone wants them for free to save them going to landfill etc. It's usually bundles of baby clothes, used school uniform, old garden furniture or battered toys, bric a brac type stuff, absolutely nothing really of value and not worth the longer trip to nearest charity shop in next town over (we are quite rural).

It's in the rules of the page to not ASK for items, just reply when something is posted.

Our CF started small with sob stories of needing clothes, but would prefer them to not the supermarket ones. Then it was asking for free help to get some furniture as she doesn't drive. Apparently nobody she knows would help her (wonder why?)

Recently she's really stepped up a gear and asked for winter jackets (got to be warm and good condition of course!), stair gates, hoover and I've just seen her asking if anyone has a spare tv going free because hers has blown up.

It's hilarious. I think the Admin is just letting her post for the shits n giggles as we are all on the page waiting for the next instalment of CF requests.

Oh gosh there is one on our local FB page. She asks for food to feed her kids every month as she always has some drama as to why she can't get through until her next UC payments. Everyone jumps to help her too!!

My best CF story is a mum who dropped her child off 3 hours early for a sleepover and was told to pick up child at 10am as I had to go out. She just didn't turn up. Her phone was off and I ended up driving 40 mins to meet her at 6pm when she finally got in touch and asked me to keep him longer. I'd never met her before, didn't know the child, and had to go to work. I was furious, but annoyingly didn't feel able to say anything as the child was there.

I'm a sucker for helping people out when I don't want to. I can't seem to say no.

@DillonPanthersTexas

07:45Rememberallball

I had something similar on a flight to Turkey. I was in an aisle seat separated from my travelling group and ended up sat next to a women who within minutes of take off got up and marched down the airplane before returning with a 5 or 6 year old girl whom she promptly dumped next to me before heading back to sit next to her mate. She was a very sweet chatty girl but 300 renditions of 'Let it go' later from her iPad did strain things a little during the four hour flight. Because I was sat right at the back we had to wait a while before we could disembark, to my horror I could not see the mum in the empty cabin Infront of me so walked the girl to the front and informed the cabin crew who found the pissed parent and mate waiting at the top of the air bridge.

That’s appalling - at least I wasn’t saddled for the whole flight with the child who had been dumped on me!!

@DillonPanthersTexas why on Earth did you put up with this for the flight? I would have called cabin crew immediately and explained the child had been left with me and to request she was returned to her adults to deal with!

Honestly, this is how these CFs get away with it, if they are not immediately challenged and told nope, not happening.

I offered help to a friend who was moving house, she asked if I could take a few things to the tip. DH offered to help as he has a bigger car.
The stuff she wanted moved turned out to be a large heap of old rusting tools and bits of metal, half empty rusting tins of paint, damp boxes of garden fertiliser, mouldy mats… etc. All had been left in the garden for weeks and were sodden.
She did thank us profusely but said she didn’t want to put the rubbish in her car as it would dirty it !!!

@BreadInCaptivity I hope you kept the clothes you'd had to buy, and didn't send them home with him?

@RAFHercules

Oh I've remembered another! We had 3 DC in 4 years and as life was stressful and childcare was so expensive, we decided I would give up my career for a few years to be a SAHM. When DD started reception, I couldn't believe the number of Mums who asked if I could have their DC over the half term or summer holidays (for free). DD wasn't friends with these children either. We also got a lot of comments about how lucky I was not to have to pay for childcare.....well actually it's costing me my £35k salary a year You wouldn't ask a childminder to look after your child for free, so why ask a random school mum?

Your last sentence reminded me of a poster on here once who had messaged her childminder friend if she could drop her child off for a "playdate" (they both had kids the same age) and was aghast that the childminder had replied with her rates!

[quote sueelleker]@BreadInCaptivity I hope you kept the clothes you'd had to buy, and didn't send them home with him?[/quote]

Actually no I didn't.

But before you think I'm bonkers;

• we didn't buy that much as (per usual) I'd over packed for DS so a lot of clothes got shared

• being in a villa we had a washing machine so that helped and meant we only bought 3 tee shirts and some swim shorts.

• the poor kid was really embarrassed/upset and I didn't want to make it worse for him and take away clothes he liked/had chosen just because his parents were CF's

That was the worst part actually. It's one think being a CF and owning it and quite another when you use your child in that regard.

I did think about going round with the receipts but again didn't want to upset the child for the sake of £40ish of clothes.

So I just left if it whilst was happy to have the child over to play I massively distanced myself from the parents and refused any favours from that point (even if they were easy for me to do).

We watched a neighbours cat for every holiday for many many years including an entire month every year. We watched her house and hug out washing in case of burglary too. She could never watch our home as there was always an excuse. We bought our then young son a computer and asked her husband if he could help set it up for us (he is a computer analyst) The husband said no. If we were in town they’d walk past us. Our phone cable was down for a few days and I used their phone when they were on holiday till ours was functioning. She moaned I had used it. Her son was part of a group that called my child names at school. Still I fed their cat and looked after their home. We were invited to collect the windfall apples from their apple tree. Not pick the apples, only the windfalls. Eventually my children said, ‘this is madness why are you helping a family who ignore us after 10+ years of looking after their home’ She was taken aback when I said we couldn’t look after her cat. I said no. I now just ignore them, they now try to wave or smile over - oddly I don’t see them. It took me a long time to realise they were just horrid people.

Sometimes it just takes time to realise we are being used.

My Dad is a CF. I had to ask him to stop asking my friends (who he barely knows) to do things for him.
He always says "well they don't mind" but actually asking people you hardly know to mend your computer, give you medical advice you could get from the gp if you bothered to get an appointment, have you to stay, cook meals for you is really cheeky.
I don't know why he thinks it is ok, as he would never do any of these things for others, even when he was younger.