Anyone else ever secretly impressed with how cheeky people can be?

[2ndtimemum2]

Having read another thread where a woman was asked to go 40 minutes out of there way to drop someone elses child to school, or the poor woman who's been asked to give daily injections to her neighbour because her kids couldn't be bothered has gotten me thinking are these people absolutely mental or how are people brazen enough to make these requests?

It seems like a daily occurance where a poster seems to deal with some crazy cf!!! I don't think I'd have the actual nerve or be brazen enough to make some of the ridiculous requests that people have made so I'm secretly impressed that there's these group of people who don't even think twice about these off the wall requests!

Had a really good friend who broke up with a man and asked to stay at weekends and could she store a few boxes in the garage. Of course me and DP said yes. The few boxes turned out to be a garage full. The few weekends became a month. She offered to pay and stupidly I said not to be silly as it was only for a short time. Six months later and on a new relationship she was still there until my DP very bluntly asked when she was getting her stuff moved out of our garage. She pouted a bit but did move the boxes and stopped staying at weekends. She's now on another relationship and we have been ghosted. We are waiting for the day that this one ends and she will then want to make contact again just so we can tell her where to go.

I have a friend that I go between being embarrassed and impressed with her hability to get things from people. She doesn't try with me as much because I've learned quickly to say no to her. She gets away with a lot because she is pretty and friendly. A good thing about her is that she won't get remotely upset if people say no

3 incidents spring to mind, 3 completely different women. None of which are close friends..

1. A school mum asked me to get a £4000 loan in my name, then give the money to her & she'd pay me back the installments each month as she had been declined for the loan.

1. A different school mum invited my 2 DC's to a party on the condition that I drove other children there too. When we arrived, I also had to pay for my own children as they hadn't actually been included in the pre-paid party numbers. I was really pissed off as it was £40 I hadn't budgeted for. I then also had to drive other children home at the end.

1. A completely different school mum expected me to be a personal taxi for her child to get to and from sports activities twice every single week, just because we lived on the next estate & our children done the same sport. I didn't know her or her child.

Oh, and I have a neighbour I don't speak to because she got her ex to steal ornaments from my garden & very proudly displayed them in hers. She got a fright when I knocked for them back because I could clearly see them.

Wish I was making these things up.
I guess it depends where you live too.

@katesbushh

Neighbour at our old house. She seemed nice but we only ever exchanged a hiya, nice weather etc Never considered her a friend.

One really, rainy afternoon I woke up about 2pm (had been on nights) and thought I'm going to have a day where I don't move off the sofa. Shopping had been delivered
DC playing nicely
DH was decorating the kitchen
Just a really chilled day.

Door knocked. Like a really urgent, loud knock and there was my neighbour. I said " are you okay"

She replied
" yes I'm fine but I have ran out of milk and cigarettes, could you drive me down to sainsburys please because it is raining"

I still can't get over that she did it
And worst still I took her! And I'm no pushover usually.
She never asked again.

I’d have given her my brolly and said nah I’m on nights and need my rest.

My brother asked me for £100 until payday, I moved money from my house savings and asked that he has it back on my account on the 29th when he got paid.
29th comes around and I forgot it was his birthday.
He text me that morning saying ‘hey seeing as it’s my birthday I’ll just keep the £100’
He’s 34 we don’t buy each other presents we don’t even really acknowledge each others birthdays.
I replied saying I couldn’t afford to give him £100 for his birthday he could keep £20 to get some drinks and send me back £80.
He stopped replying to me, ignored my calls and I’m pretty sure he blocked me on Facebook.
I don’t know where he lived (we are really not close)
This was a couple of years ago, I always remember his birthday now.

I'm working on my boundaries after realising how many CF I have encountered. Three examples, same exfriend.

1. Minnie (not her real name) decides that she needs to go on a trip to a country to 'help' people as it's good for her soul. She has always played on the fact they don't have much money so starts crowd funding. I was about to start leave so said I couldn't contribute money but could donate some new items she said they needed. She wasn't happy with me and didn't reply to any messages about dropping them off.

1. Suddenly she wants to meet my newborn and as she was about to go on aforementioned trip I came to hers to drop off donated items. She tells me she has taken on some new tasks at work and could I help her, I spend most of the visit advising her best practices. She tells me she told her boss she wasn't sure how she could afford toiletries for her trip as her family (she is married with children) would need them so he gave her £100 to spend on whatever she needs.

1. Contacts me to say she is setting up a freelance business doing what I do (say it's alpaca grooming ;) ). I have over ten years alpaca grooming experience plus qualifications. She has never groomed an alpaca. My DS is six weeks old and ebf every 2.5 hours. She wants me to come over in the evenings to train her in alpaca grooming. Can't understand why I say no, point out I have very little free time and she is half hour away and I'm bf'ing. She tells me I'm being unfair. I tell her about if free training that she could take online but she insists she doesn't want to do that and I need to help her. I say no. Friendship never recovered. Unfortunately I also lost a mutual friend as a result.

That was cathartic!

My sibling assumes the world owes her. Most recently she's been trying to bully our elderly mother's friends into caring for mum. She's really offended when people say no, as though they should feel honored to be asked to give up their time.

There was one guy in halls at university who decided he needn't be part of the 'let's make sure the communal fridge is kept stocked with milk' brigade, despite being happy to use said milk when needed. He once decanted a pint to take to a different floor to make tea for himself and ywo friends!

I eventually had words, and he moved elsewhere when he could. For some reason he didn't like the fact I'd stopped his freeloading.

And finally, a few years ago I was asked to feed someone's cats whilst they were away. I'd done it before so generally no bog deal,but I was heavily pregnant, it was winter (icy) and a 3 mile walk, but I said yes. One day I went round and the cat bed was messy. I took it home and put it in the wash. When I told the CF she, instead of thanking me profusely, moaned that it was expensive and hoped I hadn't ruined it!!!

I knew someone with type 1 diabetes who was supposed to inject herself, I believe every day? But she wouldn't do it and neither would her partner - too gross. So a nurse had to come out and do it.

We lost touch before the first lockdown so I don't know if it continued or if the surgery finally told her to grow up and take responsibility for her own condition.

We recent ex -- I could write a long list but it would be too depressing.

An ex neighbour who asked me if I could go to the shop with her, and if I could lend her the money for her shopping too. She scammed me once, attempted it again, then stopped talking to me once it was clear I wasn't going to hand her any more free groceries.

I'm a HCP and some patients can be real CF. I suspect i'm an easy target as I am female and good natured, but I often get cheeky requests to sort out issues that are so not within my remit. Usually prefixed by 'I know this isn't your area, or 'I know I'm taking too much of your time'. Yep but you don't really care.

I have one of these CFs, who left her kids with me ‘for the night’ and then went on holiday. Only found out when I had a video call from her at her beachside resort. Needless to say, every favour she’s asked for since has had a negative response. If she can be so brazen, I’m never saying yes again. Still can’t believe anyone could do that.

Im going back a few years ago but I knew another mum from the school gates and we got friendly
Our dd’s where about the same age-we where both skint single mums for context
Well anyway her dd lost her first tooth and she claimed she didn’t have any money to give her from the tooth fairy
I ‘lent’ her a few quid so the dd wouldn’t be disappointed that she’d been forgotten (I didn’t mind losing the £3 just to keep a child happy)
Yep-later that night she pissed off to the bingo and lost about £100 chasing what she’d spent and really believing she was a few quid off the jackpot
It took another year and her stealing from me for me to bin her off-I used to be a magnet for cf’s

No, never impressed - I think cheeky triers should be figuratively stomped on fast, for the benefit of all normal civilised humans tbh

@Amitskitshaw

Same, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking all of that is just normal friendship stuff. (As long as they reciprocate and take no for an answer if you're not available of course...)

Some are just clueless & self absorbed - it's like they have self-driven blinkers on with no regard for others' lives.

One CF friend, who has loads of $ & time & even though I spend months reminding her we can't do it & offer to help find a house sitter, asks us to look after their house, pets, mail, etc. for 6-8 weeks while they travel, the day before they leave. It leaves us no choice as they know we're home. We're wise now & will be ready for it next time with a solid excuse. The most insulting part is we get a tiny gift card thrown at us as thanks, but the mates at their destination get expensive, thought out, wrapped gifts.... just because.....

Same friend has asked some cf things, that I then discovered her H could do but it's family/kid related & didn't want to. So now he gets his mummy to do it because I won't!

Another friend, before I had kids, tried to rope me into helping ferry them to/from school, free childcare etc., even have them stay one night a week, all because she liked working the early morning shifts. Ah, no. I didn't have kids - I was enjoying my kid free life! You work YOUR life around them - not mine!!

Beat this.....

When I was 14 (30 years ago) I have a European pen pal also 14. We wrote letters every month or so.

One week she sent a letter saying how nice that her parents had booked her a ticket to come and stay with us in uk for a week. She would be arriving on a ferry and gave date and time. We had to collect her, over an hour away, and house and entertain her for a week! We did London and other sights! Still can’t believe her parents basically put her on a ferry to stay with strangers without asking or offering to pay anything!

99% of these are entertaining. But among them are nuggets of

I mean:

Neighbour asked if my garage would be available to fit a windscreen in case of rain

What's the problem there? I can't see any great issue with letting a neighbour use my garage if there's a job scheduled that would be otherwise put back by rain. My only involvement would need to be unlocking the door, surely?

And I feel a bit sad for the MIL offering to babysit. I've offered to sit my DGD so that my DD and her DH can go out (they work jigsaw shifts so it's hard to find time to do things together). And it's a genuine offer. My DGD is a sweetie, but it's still work and a bit of inconvenience. So it's not for my benefit, and probably not for that MIL's either

But I'm the DM so obviously it's different.

[quote appleturnovers]@Amitskitshaw

Same, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking all of that is just normal friendship stuff. (As long as they reciprocate and take no for an answer if you're not available of course...)[/quote]
The point of CFerism is that it's NOT reciprocal though. If they helped out in return it wouldn't be a thing.

I grew up in a street where everyone helped each other out, and didn't wait for help to be offered. "I've got a fence panel to put up tomorrow...you couldn't give me a hand if you're around could you?" And we constantly fed each other's pets and watered each others gardens, and weren't hesitant to ask these favours. Because we knew that the person who helped us out would be able to ask us next time and we'd say yes.
And we were very eco-friendly because no-one bought stuff they could borrow from a neighbour!

But if you expect this stuff with little warning, no appreciation and no reciprocation, you're a CFer.

@FreshFreesias

@Harmonypuss Dreadful! But why did you drive them all home after the way they’d treated you?!

I guess I was a bit of a sap. I'd had practically no sleep, was sick of arguing and I suppose I believed them when they said they would pay their share of the fuel. I was just glad to get home after it all. I spoke to the 'friend' a week later and when she treated me the way she did, I walked away and haven't looked back since.
Now I take short city breaks on my own or visit my son (approx 180 miles away) and know that I won't be taken for an idiot again.

UM..."impressed" is maybe not the right word. More "amazed." I will say, however, that I kinda felt for the elderly woman with the injections. Although I supported the OP in saying "no," I also got that the woman herself is in a real fix, and with kids who evidently don't give a damn. I hope every one of those kids are treated EXACTLY THE SAME when they are elderly!

I must admit that I used to eye roll about how easily some people allowed themselves to be taken advantage of.

The odd (reciprocal) favour - childcare/lifts etc etc lovely.

Anyone who tried to take the piss I was pretty happy to shut down with my own equivalent of "it doesn't work for me".

I still got caught out.

Summer holiday abroad for 2 weeks. Villa/pool type thing in a plush European resort.

DS wanted to take his then best friend.

DH and I discussed it and thought actually it might work for us all. DS gets someone to socialise with (early teen) and we get some adult down time in the evenings whilst they game/watch movies etc. wouldn't cost us any more re: accommodation so would offer the cost of the flight (couple of hundred pounds).

Made the offer to BF parents who were very, very enthusiastic (should have been a red flag). Said they would send him with appropriate spending money and some extra for a nice meal on them to thank us for taking him. All good...

Start the booking and asked for passport details for BF. Response "aren't you paying for/getting his passport?".

Errr...no.

That's apparently annoying because they were hoping that would be sorted for their holiday later in the summer...

Stood my ground and they sorted passport but the delay meant we missed out on the villa we wanted and had to pay for a more expensive one (note made to self at the time always ask if they have passports first). To be fair we actually liked the more expensive villa better.

Arrive on holiday. BF unpacks his suitcase and frankly apart from some books (that made it feel heavy) there's naff all in it.

For a 2 week holiday he had 4/5 days worth of clothes (that didn't include swimming trunks!) all of which were pretty shabby (parents were not in dire financial straights btw) and no toiletries aside from a toothbrush.

The promised spending money had not materialised either.

Initially though BF had packed himself (badly) and texted "mum" who said no, she'd sent him with all the holiday clothes he had and we shouldn't expect to invite him on holiday at their expense.

I reply, what about their holiday later in the summer? "Well we would recycle the clothes you got him for your holiday".

Head obviously explodes....

Upshot is it wasn't the child's fault. Thankfully we could afford it and kitted him out in a combination of new stuff we had to buy and sharing DS's clothes.

Thankfully as it was a beach/pool holiday he didn't need much more than a few pieces of swimwear and tee-shirts that we could wash/dry in the villa to rewear in combo with some loans from DS's clothes.

We also had to provide his spending money as his parents hadn't given him any. Poor kid was really embarrassed.

The kids (and this drama aside DH and I) had a great holiday in the end though.

Upshot is after this, I have always been far more understanding of how people can be taken advantage of by CF's but I'm very much a one chance and no more person.

Lady who lived opposite my mother. So whilst she was away could I let the dog out daily for what turned out to be a fortnight. I was ducking under alarms and walking the dog she had 3 kids but they all had busy social lives Returns back gave me a small bar of Swiss chocolate as a Thank you my 15 yr old self decided thats a lot of running around for a mini choc bar. Then I am working weekends as a barmaid in my student years. House phone Rings Sat morning she’s been at a friends dinner party in Esher could I nip across to let her dog out so she doesn’t have to rush back . Nope sorry I can’t you are going to have to come back and let your own dog out I rather bluntly explained on the phone I have been working until late. Anyway fast forward about 20 yrs my mother whenever she goes to see this woman is running an errand for her . Getting ice for her I think it was tried 3 shops. The woman hates me because I dared to say no and decided the world is not here to serve her needs. It’s like she is the queen and we are all man servants. I can’t imagine her children running around for my mother. This woman just seems to think we are all staff anyway I just avoid her and she can’t stand me

When I was renting my CF neighbour said she was wanting to replace the old and rickety dividing fence and asked the LL to go halves with her. LL agreed, but stated she needed receipts as it was a tax deductable business expense. Rather than getting new panels NDN got a bunch of cowboys in (the type you pay in cash) and had them do a number of jobs - new patio, plants etc. The "new" fence comprised panels that were clearly recycled from other parts of the property. She then told me to inform the LL that she wanted £££ for the new fence. I told her "sorry but you must negotiate this with LL because its not my business". I also made sure LL knew that the panels were recycled and that NDN was trying to palm off part of the cost for her new patio and garden on LL. Eventually she contacted LL who insisted upon the builders producing itemised receipts which showed a breakdown with cost of materials, labour and VAT but only for the fence which she had agreed to. Of course NDN could not produce these and was well pissed.

I remember when my mum's neighbour wanted to claim off my mums insurance because she had reversed into the perfectly legal and sedentary skip outside my mum's house.

My mum is a quiet often CF victim but she laughed and told her that she doesn't drive the skip so therefore doesn't have insurance for it. I went to the door and told where to get off.

Some good friends off mine who live in another country asked if they could come and stay for a week. I was a single mum at the time and I didn’t have the space to welcome her and her husband. The lovely man I was seeing then said that they could stay at his house, perfect! The CF then asked if another couple (I didn’t know them) could come too. Again, lovely boyfriend said yes that’s fine. CF then called me about picking them up from the airport, a four-hour journey there and back if the traffic is ok. I said I wouldn’t be able to do that as I didn’t have enough room in my car for all four of them and my son. She said just leave your son at home, he was 8 at the time 😆. After I gave her all the other options, as in train, taxi, bus, she hung up, then blocked me on everything and hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s been lovely 😃