Anyone else ever secretly impressed with how cheeky people can be?

[2ndtimemum2]

Having read another thread where a woman was asked to go 40 minutes out of there way to drop someone elses child to school, or the poor woman who's been asked to give daily injections to her neighbour because her kids couldn't be bothered has gotten me thinking are these people absolutely mental or how are people brazen enough to make these requests?

It seems like a daily occurance where a poster seems to deal with some crazy cf!!! I don't think I'd have the actual nerve or be brazen enough to make some of the ridiculous requests that people have made so I'm secretly impressed that there's these group of people who don't even think twice about these off the wall requests!

I'm staggered at how other posters can't say no. I can.

I'm staggered that posters don't tell someone they are a CF and taking the mick. I've never needed to because I've never encountered anyone asking for such things as for eg pombear lists.

A new variation on the Mum who wants her child ferried. At my last school, there was a wide catchment area, so it was not immediately obvious where pupils were travelling in from.
One Mummy, however, spotted one of our staff in the supermarket, and worked out that she only lived two streets away.
The school ran two bus services, but she hinted that it would be far easier for her if our colleague could pick her DS up every morning, and deliver him home every evening.
Without going into the many logistical problems (she left earlier in the morning, came home later in the evenings, had staff meetings after school etc., she simply did the "That doesn't work for me" response.

My 3 kids did a sport that ran 5 days per week, all year, for years. My DH and I ended up volunteering 1000's of hrs per year in club admin. The mother of a child who was a friend of 1 of my kids (antagonized the other 2) asked if I would supervise her as I was there from 330-7pm, when she or her DH would pick up (first CF ask). I agreed as they were old enough to get me if they needed something. Many times, I stood in a dark parking lot after 7pm trying to get hold of her parents. If I did, the answer was usually "I'll be there in 20min, or take her to yours and I'll get her there (which meant she disrupted dinner/homework/bed). I couldn't just leave her in a dark empty venue.

This progressed to her 1) switching clubs when we did, 2)having her kid find out our schedule so she would register for the same times 3) ask to "carpool" but she would always cancel her times to drive 4) asking me whilst there to drive her kid home as she needed to go somewhere 5) just not showing up to pick up her kid and having her kid beg me for a ride home ( this continues to this day, though her kid is now 25!!) 6) Not being at home when we did agree to bring her home (an extra 20min to my drive, plus waiting for a parent to get home).

Oops, pressed post too soon

Our last club move, our coach refused to take her daughter but she would still try it on for competitions.

She would badmouth me in public whenever I said no. I had to instruct my kids to tell her the wrong schedule to avoid the "they're on the same schedule!" plan. I couldn't avoid her due to the nature of the activity but I always had to be on alert. She NEVER said thank you, gave a bottle of wine, or reciprocated in any meaningful way. She did, however, complain about the way the volunteer organization was run (by us) but was always much too busy to do any volunteering herself.

Our last club provided me with another CF but she was easy to spot and fairly easy to divert. She wanted me to drive her child everyday because she worked and I was driving close to hers. No. Her drive was in a hideously difficult to get to place, I was already wrangling 3 kids, dinner & volunteering and her kid and mine were not on the same schedule or friends. She tried again when they were on the same schedule and I again said no. I wasn't motivated to help her as she refused to volunteer for any job that was beneath her skill set (insert large eye roll) and so did very little while her daughter benefitted enormously.

I have many friends & neighbours I will help out, reciprocated or not - used to pick up and drive my friend's kids to school on her work day. The difference is the presence of friendship and appreciation, not necessarily reciprocation. My DH just watered our neighbours' veg garden for a week as no one else was available. No prob (and I don't think a thanks yet, either).

@narkyspirit

Divorced friend who is always posting about trips away with here kids, has decided her 3 year old kitchen needs replacing, could I help her out?

suggestion was to put her new kitchen on my credit card and she would pay if off as and when she has spare cash, others have done this for her!! she owes 'friends' thousands according to her Ex who she almost bankrupted...

One of my 'friends' has form for similar.

She is awful with money to the point no bills are paid on time - ever. She's had offers of budgeting help and even losing the family home due to mounting debt didn't sort it out. She paid off some debt with half the money she got and spent half on other stuff and is back where she was. Again - refused budgeting help, tried a debt charity after being badgered into it and lied to them. They credit checked and found out she was lying.... they were all the bastards for 'finding more debt' (!).

Another friend was emotionally blackmailed into ordering something on an account for her. She would pay it off each month (yeah... great track record with that...) and the person whose account it was wouldn't have to do anything other than just order it. They do - she pays a few months on time... a few late so the person gets late payment stuff on their credit card and then stops paying. This person gets a letter about debt collectors and panics and contacts 'friend'. 'Friend' insists it's all paid up and not her problem and they shouldn't talk to her like that - how dare they. (it's not all paid up even now and they've fallen out big time...).

Reminds me of a former neighbour who thought I was her personal parcel depot. This was a person who scooted quickly past me in her car on the way into the estate but never once stopped to offer me a lift, even in bad weather. There was only one way into the estate so it was obvious that I was walking home.

Says "I notice you have your shopping delivered on a friday so can you accept a package for me/". Told her I wa sonly available til abbout 2pm. Its an all day delivery. We then went through a string of various alternatives such as:-

Alter the delivery day/time
Leave a note on the door
Ask another neighbour
Ash her husband to accept delivery
Etc

None of this would suffice. Her husband HAD to drive her to the appointment and NO ONE ELSE could help. Everyone was out working. So it was my personal responsibility to help as I was working at home that day.

Demands to know why I cant accept an all day delivery. Well I have work to do this afternoon, my office is in the back and I wont hear the door.

"Oh its a pity your going to be in all day and you cant accept a parcel for a neighbour."

"Yes and its a pity about all those times youve driven past me on wet and snowy nights and never once offered me a lift even though you had room."

@DillonPanthersTexas

I suspect they prey on people they think are too shy or meek to say no.

That is exactly what they do, they are mostly calculating users. They don't view people based on potential friendship, they see people as assets that can be deployed to make their lives easier or cheaper.

This ^ I once asked a CF why he would treat his friends the way he did and the reply was along the lines of I'm only friends with people that I can get something out of. He was a really nasty person but that was an illuminating conversation.

Anyone remember the lodger on here oh dear I really felt for the home owner and what about the lady asking neighbour to wash her car. I have a mate who tries it on quite alot, I've now got to that point, you know the point were you just dont even call anymore.

The CFs I've met in the past tend to people with really odd (often neglected) childhoods and have learnt to behave like this initially to get by and then it's become a way of life. So people who had to invite themselves round to others houses as kids to get fed etc.

I know lots of CFs don't have this background and most neglected children don't behave like this but it's something I've seen quite a bit. For some reason I never get targeted by them even though I can be a bit of a softy.

I'm no longer a mug... I highly recommend doing an assertiveness course.

In the past, I've put up with -

Room mate at university who expected me to give up my bed and sleep elsewhere every Saturday night, so she could shag her boyfriend.

Woman at ds's school who asked me to tutor her daughter, for free. Said she would babysit in return, but never did.

Endless bosses expecting free overtime.

Cheeky woman invited herself to my wedding, turned up with three other people and stole wine to take home with her.

I'm no longer a pushover.

“This ^ I once asked a CF why he would treat his friends the way he did and the reply was along the lines of I'm only friends with people that I can get something out of. He was a really nasty person but that was an illuminating conversation.“

I have a friend who operates a bit like this. She is generally friendly but very over-friendly to people who she feels could be useful to her. It took me a while to realise this but now I can’t unsee it!

She has ended up with free medical advice, legal advice, lifts to places etc all under the guise of being a “special friend”.

I am in a medical profession and she has collared me on a few occasions for advice for herself and her dc. She once asked if she could bring her dc round at 9pm for me to have a look at. It wasn’t an emergency situation.

Another one ..
My friend is a single parent. She had the day to herself as the kids were with their dad and she was at a bit of a lose end tbf. We went out for a walk with a group of friends in a huge wood. We got a bit lost. She told us she knew where we were as she recognised landmarks and that we were only 10 minutes away from the carpark. It turns out she didn't have a clue and we got more lost. She just wanted us to be out a hell of a lot longer than planned as she had nothing else to do that day. No thought or consideration about if the others had stuff to do. We eventually found our way back and brought a coffee each. The other friends left. She then insisted on buying 2 more coffees, she then called her other friend for a 40 minute chat in the car while parked up. Several hours later she drives me home, the long way.
Coming home from a week-end away she says she needs to stop off at the supermarket for milk. No problem. Except it wasn't milk, it was a full on weekly food shop and I was expected to go around the shop with her, while she also tried on lots of clothes and had a slow rummage through the homeware department.

These are unreal. You be stung once no more. I use covid now sorry cant take x in our car. Car pooling didnt work as she got caught in traffic to get girls. I just drive my own daughter now. Feel its take take

I think it’s sad for the kids to have parents who fob them off on others all the time.

In my experience it often seems to be extreme entitlement rather than insecurity. People who are just used to getting what they want.

@SilverOtter

We woke up the next morning to find he'd messaged overnight saying he was now bringing said wife and child...and their dog....oh, and they were now planning on staying in a hotel but could the dog please stay with us in our house?!

Sorry if you've answered this elsewhere (I'm behind in this thread) but - what did you respond? 🌹

Most outrageous I heard of was a friend of a dd, who’d lost her licence through drink driving, and expected dd to lend her hers, for going to work some distance away, in case she was stopped again. And then got the hump with dd for refusing!

Years ago, though, when paper licences (no photo) were still common.

An old aunt of dh expected a bridge-playing friend to drive 20 minutes each way every night, to fill her 2 hot water bottles. The friend (considerably younger and still working) actually did it for a while, and the aunt was very put out at people’s ‘selfishness’ when she said she couldn’t do it any more.

Dh offered to buy her an electric blanket, but no, she didn’t trust those things.

She had plenty of money but loathed spending it, so when she became less able to manage she fully expected some younger single woman she knew, to move in with her, to be her general carer/cook/housekeeper, in return for free board and lodging - no pay! And to be grateful for such an offer.

She was most put out when the woman basically said, ‘No way!’

@NCBlossom

I think it’s sad for the kids to have parents who fob them off on others all the time.

In my experience it often seems to be extreme entitlement rather than insecurity. People who are just used to getting what they want.

I think you’re right. A mixture of severe stinginess and entitlement in my experience….

I also think the pandemic has exposed a lot of CFs!

Some friends of mine, who I have been friends with for so long, I now see they are also CF! They are the ones who insisted their children had to have a place in school on lockdown (despite no legitimate reason to), who wangled their way to get a vaccine first (through health colleagues or knowing who to call) and complained a lot about services they no longer got or play dates no longer available or cleaners not being able to clean their house…

One of them went absolutely crazy that her husband got Covid and suddenly she had to look after the kids. I asked her if her husband was OK and she looked at me blankly as if that didn’t matter, what mattered was ‘she was exhausted’! (He was pretty ill with it too).

I have a 'friend' who calls me to ask me to go on a dog walk with her every week but not take my dog.
I've recently stopped answering the phone.

Same friend would ask if I'd like to go into town with her.
Both times I agreed we only went to the local supermarket and she expected me to help with her big shop, loading the car too.
Oh, and on one of those occasions she lost her purse apparently- so I had to pay for her shopping. She offered to cut and dye my hair instead of paying me what she owed!

@Noshowwithoutpunch

Same friend would ask if I'd like to go into town with her. Both times I agreed we only went to the local supermarket and she expected me to help with her big shop, loading the car too. Oh, and on one of those occasions she lost her purse apparently- so I had to pay for her shopping. She offered to cut and dye my hair instead of paying me what she owed!

Why didnt you just say no to paying?

@Bertiebiscuit

No, never impressed - I think cheeky triers should be figuratively stomped on fast, for the benefit of all normal civilised humans tbh

Yep - absolutely this! It's taken me time and poor experiences but now my default is "No" - however politely said. Especially as I've seen how that person just goes into the next person on their list... 🌹

[quote Newestname002]@SilverOtter

We woke up the next morning to find he'd messaged overnight saying he was now bringing said wife and child...and their dog....oh, and they were now planning on staying in a hotel but could the dog please stay with us in our house?!

Sorry if you've answered this elsewhere (I'm behind in this thread) but - what did you respond? 🌹[/quote]
My husband told him to eff off. He's a classic CF who will always try it on. He stayed with us again last night, and this time he tried to get us to collect him from his work conference and deliver him back in the morning so he could get drunk😂 Erm, nope!

Luckily he doesn't get weird or bear grudges when you say no to him, usually we can laugh about what a cheeky fucker he is😅

My DC was going to their best friend (at school's) house for a playdate after school and I had been invited to stay too for a coffee with the mum.

Walking back chatting with the mum, we were joined by another school mum and her DC. When this mum realised there was a playdate about to happen she suggested that she leave her DC there too as she had some jobs to do. In other words, totally pushed her DC in on the playdate then disappeared.

Her DC wasn't even really friends with our DCs, they were just in the same class That was really cheeky!