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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 13/09/2021 14:03

you sound like a push over. There’s no way I’d add that much time onto my morning, never mind when your child isn’t even with you!!

LittleMysSister · 13/09/2021 14:04

@SewhereIam

There is no backstory, I got asked by another mum at the gates if I could give the boy a lift the following day as she had done it that day. I said I was dropping my elder dd off in the nearby town the next morning, so that would be fine. Then his mum asked if I could collect him too, then if I could get him the next morning or he couldn't go in, and so on. It's only been a week but it is feeling like this could get tricky very quickly.
If it's only been a week, I would nip this now.

Very easily done: "Really sorry, but tomorrow will have to be the last day that I pick up/drop off Tommy as it's just not working for us as it's too much of a rush. Hope you can sort something else."

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/09/2021 14:04

Only a week? That's fortunate. You can reply that you offered as a courtesy and had no intentions of providing her with free transport forever. Add that her attitude to your kindness, her demands, have only hardened your resolve and you won't be picking up or dropping her off her child ever again!

TheUndoingProject · 13/09/2021 14:05

You won’t be leaving the little boy high and dry. I’m sure his CF parents will magically find another form of transport if you make it clear this can’t continue.

lanthanum · 13/09/2021 14:05

If he's half an hour away from the school by car, then presumably more than 2 miles. That means he qualifies for transport to school, unless there's a nearer school they chose not to send him to. If they had no choice in the school, she needs to ask about transport provision.

astoundedgoat · 13/09/2021 14:05

I just saw that you're doing both the morning run AND the afternoon run!

You don't even know the woman and she's already taking the piss a week in?

Quick text sent today should fix it:

"Hi CF Mum, I think there's been a misunderstanding - I though this was an emergency one-off last week. I don't actually live anywhere near you! I can drop Lovely Boy home today only, but I can't do the school run for you again because I have other things going on in the morning and afternoon this week. Check with the school office to see if they rec. a taxi service or if there's a car pool you could join? Best, SeewhereIam"

You have ZERO responsibility for a random lady who has picked a school for her child that she can't actually get to.

TableFlowerss · 13/09/2021 14:05

You sound lovely….

But you must be a bit mad to offer this taxi service…..

timeisnotaline · 13/09/2021 14:06

Hi, you’ll have to talk to the school about any other options for getting tommy there, I’m finding my days too pressured with an extra 40 mins of driving each way.

I mean how did she think he was going to get there when she enrolled him?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 13/09/2021 14:07

@PalacesOfMontezuma

Wow. I live 2.5 miles from school and don't drive. We get the bus. In 4 years I have asked other parents to help me out with the school run a grand total of twice. She's seriously taking the piss. If she can't get him there by any other means she either needs to move house or change school. She can't just expect someone else to do it indefinitely.
Agree. I sometimes have to take medication that means I'm not allowed to drive for months at a time. It was a PITA for the school run but you just have to suck it up. An occasional favour for exceptional circumstances (e.g. someone offering the DC a lift for an early start for a school trip) was wonderful and greatly appreciated, but you can't expect it - especially not every day!
SecretKeeper1 · 13/09/2021 14:08

You’re both mad - her for thinking it’s remotely reasonable, and you for doing it more than once. I’d happily lose whatever friendship I had with this woman over this.

PicardyRose · 13/09/2021 14:08

Text cannot do it after today, block her number then don’t don’t drive to her house ever again - simples!

StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 13/09/2021 14:08

@SewhereIam just copy and paste what @MagnoliaBeige wrote although YANBU to stop it before Friday.
There is absolutely no way you should be expected to do this. I'd feel zero guilt in sending that text, you were very kind to help as much as you did.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/09/2021 14:09

Why have you allowed this to continue because she told you to? This beggars belief.

mynameisbrian · 13/09/2021 14:09

You don’t even know this woman! She is treating you like staff. I wouldn’t be doing it until Friday - you don’t owe her notice - no will suffice

LittleMysSister · 13/09/2021 14:09

Also, if another parent was the one who asked you to take over the lift for this little boy, is the mum even actually your friend?

I would sack this off now. Just blame it on your child, say they are difficult to chivvy along in the mornings and are tired at home time so it's just not going to work. No awkwardness needed.

Muchasgracias · 13/09/2021 14:10

You aren't leaving a small child high and dry. His parents are. You aren't remotely responsible for him.

mummaelle · 13/09/2021 14:11

That's such a kind thing to do, I know she would appreciate this ❤️
Me being me would still have to pick up the child even if my child wasn't in that day because that's the sort of person I am, too kind for my own good.

tickledtiger · 13/09/2021 14:11

Really weird. I am surprised she asked. as someone else said it’s like expecting a free taxi service from you Hmm

ny20005 · 13/09/2021 14:11

So the mum was a complete stranger to you ? That's bonkers !

I wouldn't do it till the end of the week either !

Presumably she picked the school & made no plans on how she was going to get the child there. Not your issue

Notaroadrunner · 13/09/2021 14:12

@SewhereIam

There is no backstory, I got asked by another mum at the gates if I could give the boy a lift the following day as she had done it that day. I said I was dropping my elder dd off in the nearby town the next morning, so that would be fine. Then his mum asked if I could collect him too, then if I could get him the next morning or he couldn't go in, and so on. It's only been a week but it is feeling like this could get tricky very quickly.
For heavens sake just stop now. You are not responsible for this child getting to school. The mother is a fucking CF of the highest order. I actually can't believe this is even real, but if it is cop yourself on and text her now to tell her you are not in a position to bring or collect her child to and from school anymore. Do not apologise and do not engage in any further messaging about it.
PuppyMonkey · 13/09/2021 14:12

I don't understand how it morphed from you giving the boy a lift one day, to you doing all the lifts, OP.

You haven't spoken to the parents at all to explain you live in the other direction and it isn't convenient?

The parents haven't spoken to you to ask you to do it again, giving you the opportunity to say you can't?

You've just been obediently turning up without question?

Words must have been said between you all at some point - what words have led to this being an ongoing arrangement? Confused

WellLarDeDar · 13/09/2021 14:12

Just be reasonable and honest, next time she asks just say 'i really want to help, and your kid is lovely but I'm sorry this isn't maintainable for me, it's costing me a lot of extra petrol and making the school run take twice as long, I thought it was a one off but I feel like I've misunderstood so I'm sorry for that but I can't do this every day for you' something like that?

Battlingongraciously · 13/09/2021 14:13

Sorry you have been put in this position to say no. That's really not fair on you and you have been very kind.

You do need to say no, this person has tapped into your kindness and is abusing you, in my opinion.

I feel at the moment that I would love to have a purpose, I have no children or family to deal with. Perhaps you feel the same, you need a purpose?

Try replacing with some volunteer work of necessary.

Please don't continue with this, say no.

rainbowstardrops · 13/09/2021 14:14

Really??? Is this honestly for real?!!!

If it is, fuck that!!!

You're driving 20 minutes in the wrong direction when you live 10 minutes away from the school??? Hell no!!!

Put a stop to it NOW! She's known for ages her child is starting school so how on earth did she think they'd get there? Magic carpet? Teleportation?

Be blunt. It doesn't work for you. End of.

BabyLeaf · 13/09/2021 14:14

This is very odd, what position of authority is she in over you that she has the grounding to say you ‘need’ to continue doing the school run?

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