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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
Wannakisstheteacher · 13/09/2021 13:40

The only part of you being unreasonable is the part that actually did this for more than a day. They are a good friend and their car broke down/had an important hospital appointment/ someone died. Fine. Can’t be bothered to pay for or arrange their own transport? That makes you the mug.

Movingsoon21 · 13/09/2021 13:40

This is bizarre! Seriously, how do people get themselves into situations like this?! I just can’t fathom it.

If I was the OP it would have gone like this - friend “I have no way of getting Jonny to school and he starts next week, please can you help?” Me - “well it’s massively out of my way and will take an extra 40 mins each way but I’ll give you a lift on the first day so he doesn’t miss that. What are your plans from them on?” Friend : “I don’t have any plans, please can you take him?” Me : “sorry no, I can’t, it’s far too much extra time for me”. Friend: “I thought I could count on you”. Me: “getting me to take your child to and from school every day would be massively using me. You’ll have to sort something out yourself”

Tirediam · 13/09/2021 13:40

You're not leaving anyone high and dry

Clymene · 13/09/2021 13:41

What everyone else said. Say that not only can you not do it that day but you can't do it any day at all after this week.

MrMeSeeks · 13/09/2021 13:41

Erm no, not your problem.
You’ve been bloody nice up too now!

ForeverSinging · 13/09/2021 13:41

What have I just read? Why are you doing to this? It sounds ridiculous, sort it out.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 13/09/2021 13:41

Dont feel bad either, how many people do you know cant get their own child to school everyday? She will find a way when she has to, at the moment she doesnt because you are doing all the running around. Bike, walk, bus, cab hundreds of parents do this every day. Ooo I'm mad for you.

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 13/09/2021 13:41

You drive an hour an 10 minutes a day for free? For someone else's kid?!

No, just say no

Janaih · 13/09/2021 13:42

People like this give us non drivers a bad name. I picked the nearest school to us because we have to walk.
Give her notice that the lifts are ending on x day. At the very least, ask for petrol money if you don't mind sparing the time.

EatYourVegetables · 13/09/2021 13:42

How did this start? Did the mum not check the transportation when she applied for the school place? Wh were you doing it? Was there a discussion of how long is this meant to last / how will it end? Do you owe this family a serious favour? Just how did all of you find yourselves in this bizarre situation??!!

GemmaRuby · 13/09/2021 13:42

I can (sort of) understand you agreeing to doing it for a couple of days/a week as a favour while she sorted something else out, but she clearly has no intention of sorting something else out.

Stop doing it now. She is massively taking the piss. She has somehow managed to convince you that it’s your responsibility to get her child to school… it isn’t.

Original poster
SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:43

There is no backstory, I got asked by another mum at the gates if I could give the boy a lift the following day as she had done it that day. I said I was dropping my elder dd off in the nearby town the next morning, so that would be fine. Then his mum asked if I could collect him too, then if I could get him the next morning or he couldn't go in, and so on. It's only been a week but it is feeling like this could get tricky very quickly.

OP posts:
TooMuchPaper · 13/09/2021 13:43

Everyday is a doormat day on MN.

Changechangychange · 13/09/2021 13:44

Is this your sister? That is literally the only way this makes sense.

Insanely entitled of her, tell her that lifts in general need to stop on 30th Sept, or whenever you think is reasonable.

LightDrizzle · 13/09/2021 13:45

I mean I would definitely have helped put as a one off for another mum who found herself in a pickle, - older child in hospital sort of thing with no DP or family options but not as a regular arrangement.

NewlyGranny · 13/09/2021 13:45

Get a quote for what this would cost in taxi fares and ask her why she thinks you owe her this!

Marcee · 13/09/2021 13:45

It's only been a week. Seriously dont make yourself the default transport option.

YANBU

Schoolchoicesucks · 13/09/2021 13:45

You definitely wouldn't be unreasonable to stop doing the extra driving on days that you are taking your child to school, let alone the days where you're not!

If they're a good friend then doing the pick up and drop off a couple of times a week would be lovely of you. If she drops her dc at yours and picks them up from yours on days when you're also doing the trip, that would be fab too. But when you're not even going to or from the school it's not on you to get her dc to school.

EatYourVegetables · 13/09/2021 13:45

OMG. So you don’t even know the other mum, and her plan when she signed her boy up for the school was to go around the school gates begging for lifts?? Confused

LightDrizzle · 13/09/2021 13:45

Are you rural? How was she planning to manage this?

Cocomarine · 13/09/2021 13:46

Only here for the backstory.
Amazed that there isn’t one.
Pleased for you that it’s only gone on a week so far!
Love that you’re supposed to do the lift when you don’t even have your own child 🤣🤣🤣

Just say no.

Changechangychange · 13/09/2021 13:46

I got asked by another mum at the gates if I could give the boy a lift the following day as she had done it that day

So it wasn’t even the child’s own mother who asked? The child is just being passed from one random family to another like the class hamster? This is mental, OP.

toolazytothinkofausername · 13/09/2021 13:46

Please stop doing it! It is ridiculous!!!

thevassal · 13/09/2021 13:47

Just stop doing it completely! The positives for you are numerous - extra time for you and your daughter each day, save money on petrol, don't have to worry about letting cf down if daughter is ill etc. And there are no negatives- cf might moan at/about you - so what?! she apparently can't get to school herself so you'll never see her and I doubt you'd want to be friends with someone that rude! Say no now and save yourself another 7 years of this crap!

EatYourVegetables · 13/09/2021 13:47

Does this school even release reception aged children to any parent in class? We have to call ahead, explain who is collecting etc…

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